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Post by Pen Knight on Apr 15, 2023 15:53:31 GMT -5
Cyder Cup Report The trials and tribulations of a mouse's scroll wheel Alysin: Tim has asked me to do what is going to be a quick report on round 3 as I am still preparing the round 4 report as well. Tim is preparing to go out on the course and ranger a course for the Brew Crew thing you people have going. I still don't understand any of it. This is real people, playing fake golf, in real tournaments with fake reporters doing fake reports on the fake golf real tournament. And posting on a real message board in the real world. I'm confused. So it appears to me that the scores by Jason and Marc were close but by the looks of it the "Mercury Messengers won 4/3 Here is your real score card of the fake golf real tournament. More drugs please. And not the fake kind!
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Post by IGolfBad on Apr 15, 2023 17:33:52 GMT -5
My handler suggested I face my demons by writing down my dreams and sharing them with strangers. We begin in the Santapaula-Lindbergh household where Carol and Charlie are enjoying a traditional breakfast of Swedish Fish and chocolate milk. Across the equator are Ross Nixon and his house-boy Dave “Please Call Me Shirley” Herron. The narrator fittingly tags everyone for completion of character establishment. So… inflames47 deathstar asyoudo64 portredNice set up. What’s this have to do with the Cyder Cup? (Inner monologue: what do you know about setup? You’re just talking to yourself.) Shut up, me, I know what I’m doing. Shirley and Carol, paired up and playing from the ladies’ tees, hit first. (Oh, we’re starting? Just like that? Nothing about Carol and Ross representing the Messengers while Charlie and Shirley are playing for the Assassins, and how the competition is all tied at 17 points each through 14 matches, tighter than a nun’s breadbasket at vespers?) Yes, inner voice. And now that you’ve interrupted me once again, I’m afraid the remainder of the report are going to be nothing more than a series of unrelated GIFs. You’re welcome. Both rounds start, and 4 holes were played, with Shirley and Charlie each taking the 2nd for the Arses. A bunch of holes were halved. And at the turn, Charlie and Ross were square while Shirley was up 1 over Carol. Hole 10 featured plenty of tense golf action as tides turned, leaving Carol and Shirley square and Charlie bolted out to a 1 hole lead. The ensuing cat-fight between Shirley and Carol left our Bostonian beauty holding a 2-hole advantage over our Scottish cross dresser with time running out. It was on the 14th when Les came to the aid of Shirley, and clocked Carol in the head with his model locomotive, allowing Shirley to take four of the final five holes in a flurry of flurriness. As the four golfers were escorted off the course, it dawned on Ross that his match with Charlie wasn’t mentioned, and finding themselves at the 19th hole pub, both boys were left wondering what happened. Les spoke up: “Well, ya tits, ya both walked the rest of the course, watching the ladies fight it out, and ya missed th’ last eight holes. Rules is rules. Ya halved ‘em all.” All four golfers were perplexed. Seems obvious, inner voice. Have a look. Assassins win 19-17
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Post by portred on Apr 15, 2023 17:45:15 GMT -5
I’m so glad you’re all fantastic report writers , golf players and all round decent people …… cause your geography sucks.
Shirley ( don’t call me Shirley ) the cross dressing Scot is actually from Northern Ireland 🤣🤣🤣🤣, a little place just to the left of Scotland 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Great match report though 👍👍😄😄
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Post by Pen Knight on Apr 15, 2023 17:45:36 GMT -5
Good Game Everyone... Lot's of Fun. You can't win them all.
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Post by trevormendez on Apr 15, 2023 17:48:58 GMT -5
I could hardly cope with the tension!
Congratulations Assassins.
My first Cyder Cup and I absolutely loved it. Great golf, amazing reports and what a battle.
Well played everyone. I’m sure the Assassins must have bribed the scorers or something but well played.
Cheers everyone!
Well played Messengers. Did Freddie proud!
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Post by Pen Knight on Apr 15, 2023 17:50:52 GMT -5
I could hardly cope with the tension! Congratulations Assassins. My first Cyder Cup and I absolutely loved it. Great golf, amazing reports and what a battle. Well played everyone. I’m sure the Assassins must have bribed the scorers or something but well played. Cheers everyone! Well played Messengers. Did Freddie proud! I cannot confirm nor deny that I and Ross Nixon were bribed to throw some matches. You ever try to say no to Art and Arthur Vandelay Industries? Impossible. The people that say no are never heard from again!
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Post by IGolfBad on Apr 15, 2023 17:56:08 GMT -5
I’m so glad you’re all fantastic report writers , golf players and all round decent people …… cause your geography sucks. Shirley ( don’t call me Shirley ) the cross dressing Scot is actually from Northern Ireland 🤣🤣🤣🤣, a little place just to the left of Scotland 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Great match report though 👍👍😄😄 Journalistic liberties, David…
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Post by bubbsboy100. on Apr 15, 2023 18:11:36 GMT -5
Fantastic work by the organisers of this, and the press men but also high praise for all the folk taking part and playing to the schedule . Top competition that was , simply great. Well done messengers, especially for the top notch day 3 but.....
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Post by asyoudo64 on Apr 15, 2023 18:50:45 GMT -5
Well the Roller-coaster ride that is the Cyder Cup is over for another Season. When I turned out the light last night, I'm not going to lie to you, I expected to be waking up to a well deserved Messengers win. During the night, about 4am, I checked the scoreboard and I only saw new additions of blue. I was a bit worried, but still confident. I woke up this morning, went straight to my phone and The unthinkable had happened. After a dominant Day 3. We were Assisinated on Day 4. My loss depriving the team of a draw really hurt. Anyway, that's golf Firstly I would like to thank my fantastic team. We gave it our best shot and that's all a Captain can ask of his team. The camaraderie in our thread was brilliant. Special thanks to my Vice Captain Mike "Bono" Bonocore for helping me out. You were all great and would love to have you all back for the next one. Secondly, to our opponents, The Assassins, too good this time. Congratulations to Captain Sean and his whole team. A privilege to play against such a quality group of people, on and off the pixel golf course. Lastly but definitely not leastly 🤔, to the Press Corp. This is my 4th Cyder Cup, I think, and the standard of reporting has never been as good. You are what makes this so great. Absolutely brilliant. Of course we wouldn't know how things were going without our scorers from Admin, so thank you as well Art and Ben. Apologise if I have missed anyone. This week encapsulates why this Society is so great. Until next time. Mercury Messengers 4ever 🥃 P.S. Freddie will be back.
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Post by coggin66 on Apr 15, 2023 21:02:23 GMT -5
Cyder Cup VII - The Final Interview
RH: I have the two Team Captains, Ross and Sean with me … and Ken Wise. What are you doing here, Ken?
KenW: I’m here to pass on the Cyder Cup to the next winning captain. Also, if I wasn’t here, it would be harder to report on this final interview as I’m no longer a captain.
RH: OK, nice plot hole cover-up. Gents, a new game, new teams and new captains but we still had another nail-biting finish and once again a blue team prevails.
Sean: It was definitely a back and forth tournament. Day One was even at 4.5 each. We took a lead on Day Two, taking it 6 to 3 to lead 10.5 to 7.5. But credit to Ross and his team, they came firing back on Day Three, taking it 7 to 2 to have a 14.5 to 12.5 lead going into Day Four.
Ross: However, just like in previous Cyder Cups, Sean got his blue team to rally on Day 4 taking it 6.5 to 2.5 to snatch the win 19 to 17. Congratulations to you Sean and your fellow Assassins.
Sean: I really want to thank Ross for his sportsmanship and to him and the rest of the Messengers for putting up such a strong fight. I also want to thank all the people organising this. Without you, this would not be possible.
Ross:: Thanks Sean. Now I must get back to Tasmanian to calm down my other head. He’s been really cranky since that callback with you.
RH: Ken, please do the honours and present the Cyder Cup to Sean.
KW: With pleasure. Congratulations, Sean.
KenW presents the cup to Sean.
KW: Just to be safe, I had more baked beans on toast.
Sean: No. Not here. This is an airtight sound booth.
KW: Too late!
[Roll End Credits]
Many thanks to:
Set Designer - Charlie Davis
Location Managers - TGC Tours
Head Writer - Mark Lawrence
Director - Art Vandelay
Producer - Ben Tough
[Cut to End Easter Egg]:
Voiceover Guy:
NEXT TIME ON THE CYDER CUP ...
[In the Brew Crew admin offices]
Ben: I’ve heard from Johnny. He’s playing great, he loves the game and wants to take part in the Cyder Cup again.
Art: He told me he’s been to see his mentor, Ace Frehley, and that re-invigorated him.
Ben: That’s great. He can join the Messengers and I can move back into the blue team where I belong, with you and Mark.
MarkL: Don’t get your hopes up gents. I got this ransom note in the mail today.
Ben: What does it say?
MarkL: “I’VE GOT MISTER JOHNNY GOLDEN ONION B0LLOCKS. IF THE RED TEAM DOESN’T WIN CYDER CUP VIII, HE WILL DIE! From THE FOX!
Art: What are we going to do?
[Fade to Black]
CYDER CUP WILL RETURN
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Post by zooby97 on Apr 15, 2023 21:51:30 GMT -5
Match 7 - will the Messenger Dominance of Round 3 continue?! The entire tournament has been incredibly close and exciting for players and fans alike. This match pitted TimB , a strong CC-D player looking to climb to CC-C very soon (OK, not that soon, he only has one promo mark) against Randy zooby97 the outspoken member of CC-E who is soon on his way to CC-F (OK, he is only half way to a demotion). It would seem Tim has the advantage plus the momentum of several Messenger wins on his side, but Randy is well known for his scrappy playing style and many believe he has what it takes. People began to wonder about Tim's dominance after he doubled Randy's score on the #2 hole. What happened?!! It may have been Randy's unconventional "playing" style, but Assassin's team captain prowse00 vigorously denies any bones were broken. The rest of the front 9 was a thrilling contest with both players winning two more holes leaving it all square after 9. Tim continued to claim Randy's hole #2 antics were still affecting his play, but after careful investigation by this reporter, it is clear Tim was impacted in no way. In fact, it looks like Randy was helping Tim stay well hydrated. Great work Randy!
Tim won the 4 of the next 5 holes and the Messengers were celebrating their upcoming win to add to the R3 collection. Tim was feeling especially exuberant and shared his team philosophy with everyone in earshot. Randy needed to win the 4 remaining holes to win the match. This clearly steeled his resolve. Hole #15 was handed to Randy after Tim was distracted by an excellent example of technique on the driving range. Tim, realizing his mistake, may have tipped the greenskeeper to ensure Randy would not win hole #16. Of course this couldn't possibly be true, just bad luck. Sorry Randy!
So now Tim was playing for the tie. He needed to win the last two holes to make it happen, but had left himself a 76 foot putt on hole #17. His team told him, "Hey you can:" (For our friends who speak the language, but badly:) But Randy being the purest (and because it makes for a better Lifetime Movie moment), he decided to go for the putt. Fortunately he was not playing EA golf (no lip outs/ins) and the ball snuck in.
Of course he was pretty excited how lucky he got that went to plan, and showed off for the ladies.
What an incredible Cinderella story. This unknown comes outta nowhere to lead the pack at Augusta. He’s at the final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a two iron, I think …
Boy, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild for this young Cinderella who’s come out of nowhere. He’s got about 350 yards left. He’s going to hit about a five iron, it looks like, don’t you think? He’s got a beautiful back swing …
That’s … Oh! He got all of that one! He’s gotta be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s a Cinderella boy, tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. And he’s got about 195 yards left, and he’s got a, it looks like he’s got about an eight iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac . . . It’s in the hole! IT’S IN THE HOLE!!!
So Randy did what underdogs do in all good complete fabrications and came out looking the the winner.
Certainly I would never mention the score of 5 on hole #18 that Tim had, because that might be seen as being negative (and this reporter would never do that), so we will just show how he felt after he missed the first putt on 18. Congrats to Randy for a terrific finish of his round and to take the match to All Square.
Excellent reporting! And a terrific match….
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Post by inflames47 on Apr 16, 2023 1:31:58 GMT -5
Congratulations to the A§§phall A§§a§§ins. Was close all the way. And to the Reporters, what a FANTASTIC job you all did. Wow there are some wild and crazy minds out there! I look forward to seeing you all in the next Cyder Cup.
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Post by prowse00 on Apr 16, 2023 5:10:14 GMT -5
Assassins Assassins Assassins!!!
What a great week, love the win but I think the real winners this were the press pool. Amazing effort by all.
Thanks to my fellow Assassins and my counterpart Ross and his band of Messengers. Fantastic effort on day 3, really thought it was game over for us at that point.
Until next time Cyder...Onward!
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Post by inflames47 on Apr 16, 2023 9:02:03 GMT -5
Congrats! [img]//i.postimg.cc/J0M0p1vX/c2.png[/img]
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