Post by coggin66 on Apr 15, 2023 7:08:06 GMT -5
CYDER CUP VII
Day 4 - Singles - Matchplay:
Thomas Seneclauze (Messengers) v Art Vandelay (Assassins)
JOINING ME IN THE COMMENTARY BOX TODAY …
#8 - JIM NANCE
Voiceover Guy:
The following broadcast is rated MA15+. It may contain sexual references. It is not suitable for children under 15.
[Intro Music plays]
RH: Welcome to our live commentary stream for the final Day 4 of The Brew Crew Cyder Cup VII. I'm your host Richard Head. Joining me in the commentary box today is a legend of the commentating business. It is my great pleasure to welcome Jim Nance.
JN:Huh! I’m only here because MarkL and Ben forced me to be here. They said I couldn’t present on my own any more because I wanted to say nothing.
RH: OK Jim. Anyway, let’s get to the match. Listeners, today we have a singles match between Thomas Seneclauze of the Mercury Messengers and Art Vandelay of the Aspall Assassins. Let's cross to the first tee where Princess Merida is about to announce the players.
At the First Tee Arena:
Merida: My name is Princess Merida and I want to welcome you to Day Four of Cyder Cup VII, sponsored by Dickens Cyder. For the Mercury Messengers, please welcome Thomas Seneclauze.
Thomas enters in his big red suit and the Messengers crowd start singing, “You better watch out, you better not cry, Seneclauze is coming to town.” Thomas tees off.
Merida: For the Aspall Assassins, please welcome Art Vandelay.
Art enters in a blue and gold latex number. The Assassin crowd erupts into a chorus of “Art Art Baby”. Art tees off.
Back in the studio:
RH: Jim, do you think there will be much separating these two players today?
JN: Nothing.
RH: Really. That close?
JN: I’m saying nothing.
RH: I know you did.
JN: I meant I had nothing to say.
RH: So your answer was nothing. Let’s move on. Listeners, while we’ve been arguing about nothing, Thomas and Art have reached the 5th tee all square, having won a hole each. Jim, your thoughts?
JN: …
RH: Hold on a moment listeners …
RH calls MarkL
RH: Mark. When you said I could have Jim Nance as my guest, I thought it would be like a double act, like Luke Elvy and Rich Beem on that computer game. But he is saying nothing.
ML: Sorry Dick. Jim is sulking because Ben and I banned him from his own show. Just do your best.
RH hangs up.
RH: Sorry about that, listeners. Looks like the players have reached the 7th tee. They’ve won another hole each and it is still All Square. Jim?
JN: …
RH: I’m not sure what Thomas is doing. He’s walked off the 7th tee and he’s pulling all his clubs apart. He’s separated them into heads, shafts and grips. There are some lovely purple ones and blue ones. Looks like Ross is bringing out a tray of red club parts. Have you ever seen anything like this Jim?
JN …
RH: Thomas has swapped some of his blue parts for red ones. Now he is giving all his money to some guy with a HB Studios hat. And now he is putting his clubs back together and he’s finally teeing off. Jim?
JN …
RH: Whatever he did to his clubs made a difference. He’s hitting it further and straighter than before but his tempo seems a bit off. Jim?
JN …
RH: Well they’ve reached the turn and those club changes made a difference. Thomas is now 2 Up. Jim, can you see what Art is doing now?
JN …
RH: It looks like he’s paid all his money to that guy with the HB Studios hat and he’s plugged himself into a big machine that says “ACME Replacement Skills Engineering” or A.R.S.E for short. Jim?
JN …
RH: Whatever they did when they plugged Art into the A.R.S.E., it seems to have worked. Over the last five holes Art has won three holes while Thomas has only won one. They are all square with four to play. Jim? Please say something. Anything.
JN: Nothing?
RH: I guess that’s something. Even though it was nothing.
JN …
RH: Well Thomas won the 15th, they halved the 16th and Art won the 17th. They are all square with just the 18th to play. There is nothing between them.
JN: Nothing?
RH: Yes nothing. Thomas has got his birdie on 18. Art has to sink this 25 footer to halve the match. Jim, is this going to miss by much?
JN: Nothing.
RH: You were right it missed by nothing because it went in for birdie and the match is halved. Jim, do you want to add anything?
JN: Nothing.
RH: Well, Jim. You were right. There was nothing between those two. It finished All Square.
Jim smiles.
RH: Listeners, I now understand what they mean when they say “Never meet your heroes”. Until next time, it’s goodbye from me, Richard Head.
Epilogue:
At the Press Pool Offices:
JimN: I told you I could do a report saying nothing and it would be entertaining
MarkL: Only because Dick Head did all the talking. Get out of my sight, Jim.
JimN leaves but KenW enters.
KenW: I had beans on toast again for dinner. I can’t go wrong if I eat the same thing each night.
MarkL: Firstly, we don’t need to know. And secondly, if you’ve had nothing but beans for the last two nights, get out of my office.
KenW: Too late. Just like an Assassin, silent and deadly!
MarkL: Geez. I’m going to have to improve my recruiting process for the next Cyder Cup.
THE END
Day 4 - Singles - Matchplay:
Thomas Seneclauze (Messengers) v Art Vandelay (Assassins)
JOINING ME IN THE COMMENTARY BOX TODAY …
#8 - JIM NANCE
Voiceover Guy:
The following broadcast is rated MA15+. It may contain sexual references. It is not suitable for children under 15.
[Intro Music plays]
RH: Welcome to our live commentary stream for the final Day 4 of The Brew Crew Cyder Cup VII. I'm your host Richard Head. Joining me in the commentary box today is a legend of the commentating business. It is my great pleasure to welcome Jim Nance.
JN:Huh! I’m only here because MarkL and Ben forced me to be here. They said I couldn’t present on my own any more because I wanted to say nothing.
RH: OK Jim. Anyway, let’s get to the match. Listeners, today we have a singles match between Thomas Seneclauze of the Mercury Messengers and Art Vandelay of the Aspall Assassins. Let's cross to the first tee where Princess Merida is about to announce the players.
At the First Tee Arena:
Merida: My name is Princess Merida and I want to welcome you to Day Four of Cyder Cup VII, sponsored by Dickens Cyder. For the Mercury Messengers, please welcome Thomas Seneclauze.
Thomas enters in his big red suit and the Messengers crowd start singing, “You better watch out, you better not cry, Seneclauze is coming to town.” Thomas tees off.
Merida: For the Aspall Assassins, please welcome Art Vandelay.
Art enters in a blue and gold latex number. The Assassin crowd erupts into a chorus of “Art Art Baby”. Art tees off.
Back in the studio:
RH: Jim, do you think there will be much separating these two players today?
JN: Nothing.
RH: Really. That close?
JN: I’m saying nothing.
RH: I know you did.
JN: I meant I had nothing to say.
RH: So your answer was nothing. Let’s move on. Listeners, while we’ve been arguing about nothing, Thomas and Art have reached the 5th tee all square, having won a hole each. Jim, your thoughts?
JN: …
RH: Hold on a moment listeners …
RH calls MarkL
RH: Mark. When you said I could have Jim Nance as my guest, I thought it would be like a double act, like Luke Elvy and Rich Beem on that computer game. But he is saying nothing.
ML: Sorry Dick. Jim is sulking because Ben and I banned him from his own show. Just do your best.
RH hangs up.
RH: Sorry about that, listeners. Looks like the players have reached the 7th tee. They’ve won another hole each and it is still All Square. Jim?
JN: …
RH: I’m not sure what Thomas is doing. He’s walked off the 7th tee and he’s pulling all his clubs apart. He’s separated them into heads, shafts and grips. There are some lovely purple ones and blue ones. Looks like Ross is bringing out a tray of red club parts. Have you ever seen anything like this Jim?
JN …
RH: Thomas has swapped some of his blue parts for red ones. Now he is giving all his money to some guy with a HB Studios hat. And now he is putting his clubs back together and he’s finally teeing off. Jim?
JN …
RH: Whatever he did to his clubs made a difference. He’s hitting it further and straighter than before but his tempo seems a bit off. Jim?
JN …
RH: Well they’ve reached the turn and those club changes made a difference. Thomas is now 2 Up. Jim, can you see what Art is doing now?
JN …
RH: It looks like he’s paid all his money to that guy with the HB Studios hat and he’s plugged himself into a big machine that says “ACME Replacement Skills Engineering” or A.R.S.E for short. Jim?
JN …
RH: Whatever they did when they plugged Art into the A.R.S.E., it seems to have worked. Over the last five holes Art has won three holes while Thomas has only won one. They are all square with four to play. Jim? Please say something. Anything.
JN: Nothing?
RH: I guess that’s something. Even though it was nothing.
JN …
RH: Well Thomas won the 15th, they halved the 16th and Art won the 17th. They are all square with just the 18th to play. There is nothing between them.
JN: Nothing?
RH: Yes nothing. Thomas has got his birdie on 18. Art has to sink this 25 footer to halve the match. Jim, is this going to miss by much?
JN: Nothing.
RH: You were right it missed by nothing because it went in for birdie and the match is halved. Jim, do you want to add anything?
JN: Nothing.
RH: Well, Jim. You were right. There was nothing between those two. It finished All Square.
Jim smiles.
RH: Listeners, I now understand what they mean when they say “Never meet your heroes”. Until next time, it’s goodbye from me, Richard Head.
Epilogue:
At the Press Pool Offices:
JimN: I told you I could do a report saying nothing and it would be entertaining
MarkL: Only because Dick Head did all the talking. Get out of my sight, Jim.
JimN leaves but KenW enters.
KenW: I had beans on toast again for dinner. I can’t go wrong if I eat the same thing each night.
MarkL: Firstly, we don’t need to know. And secondly, if you’ve had nothing but beans for the last two nights, get out of my office.
KenW: Too late. Just like an Assassin, silent and deadly!
MarkL: Geez. I’m going to have to improve my recruiting process for the next Cyder Cup.
THE END