The Brew Crew - The Cyder Cup VI

[Art Vandelay]

DAY 4

Singles Matches to conclude CC VI

[evilgrin72]

Aug 11, 2022 19:18:53 GMT -5 IGolfBad said:

Day 1 - Ross Nixon/Johnny Onions vs Eric Beaudry/Ernie Copage

The scene: The Press Pool Gathering Tent/Pub

Lawrence sits behind his mahogany and gold executive desk, chain smoking candy cigarettes and pounding loudly on his desk.

"I swear to Christ on a shingle, if Bradford doesn't get his Day 1 report in my hands before the sun sets, I swear by the ghost of Soupy Sales, I will wring his scrawny neck until the swallows return to Capistrano."




As if called from the ether, a very drunk and bedraggled Paul crumples his way through the door.

"Ize gots ish, bosh, I gosh the shcoors for the golfshh..." >vomit<

Lawrence gazes upon the shell of Bradford, not the least bit surprised, for this is a very common sight.

"Well? What's your excuse this time?"

>cough< >vomit< "Shir... ish wash Johnny Onyernsh... I shaw his bollockshhhh..." >drool<

Mark grabs a bucket of ice water from the bar and proceeds to douse Paul. "Snap out of it, fool! Give me all the dirt!"

Paul shakes himself off, wipes his mouth and eyes, and regains a little bit of composure.

"I said I saw Johnny's bollocks, sir...

The anger melts from Mark's visage. "What on earth do you mean you saw his bollocks... are you saying..." He trails off, his face suddenly looking serious.

That's right. Johnny played his round in the buff. Nary a stitch to be seen save for his golf spikes and a black leather glove. That's it. Rod and tackle out in the open for everyone to see."



Mark is now incredulous at what he's hearing. "You mean you could see The Ambassador?"

"That's right, Mark. The Arbor Vitae was in full bloom. The Bald-Pate Friar was present and accounted for. The Best Leg of Three in plain sight, the Buttonhole Worker in full swing."

Slack jawed, Mark was still in disbelief. "You mean to say his Candystick was in the Christmas Tree, his credentials were in order, and dingwallace was in place?"

"Right again. The gentleman usher was helping folks find their seats, the gospel-pipe was playing its tune, and his jumble-giblets were airing themselves out."

Mark was running out of patience. "What about the match? Did they actually play any golf?"

Paul brightened up. "Oh, yes! Yes they did, and it was a magnificent show if you ever saw one! A nip tuck affair that found the teams all even after 17 holes. It all came down to the 18th where, as Johnny was squatting to line up his putt, his bollocks contacted the green with such force that a clear dimple was formed on the smooth surface, right in Ernie's putt line. Well, sure as you know, Johnny easily made his putt, for eagle no less, while Ernie's ball found the unfortunate bump in the road, and he had to settle for an untimely 3 putt for bogey.



"Johnny took a bow, giving the gallery a clear view of his 'road-to-nowhere', then ran off into the bushes, shouting something about his 'niece' from a few Cyder Cups back, and was gone for good. It was then that I blacked out, and the next thing I know, here I am." 

Mark shook his head. "Mary Jo on a popsicle, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You're making it up, aren't you?"

Paul's eyes glazed over, and he nodded. "Yes. Yes I did. In all honesty, I slept through the match." 

Mark shook his head again. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I have little say in the matter than to fabricate an outcome. Those blue boys won't like it, but chance outcomes are chance outcomes. Here goes nothing."

Monarchs win 1 up.

Bravo, Mark.  Your euphemism game is unparalleled.....

[mbuenger]

(Flashback to before start of Cyder Cup)

Capt. Ken coggin66: So you think we can do it Art? Inception?

Ben: It’s not possible

Art: It is but we’ll need a skilled architect. Someone who knows as much about golf as the golfers themselves

Ben: What about Nance?

Art and Ken (Simultaneously): Jim?

Ben: Yes Jim, think about it…every major golf event he’s there. Hell he’s been the only television personality covering the Cyder Cup since Cyder Cup III, and he has access to all the golfers.

Ken: So he can build a detailed world and get us access. How do we get the Monarchs into the dream with us?

(Everyone thinks quietly)

Art: I’ve got it! Daily interviews! They’ll all be there.

Ben: That could work!

Ken: Let’s see how good of an architect Jim can be first…

(Cut to end of Day 1)

Ken: What do you think Art? Can he do it?

Art: Yes, I’ve never seen anyone pick it up so quickly. The details of the course were immaculate, they shouldn’t have any idea

Ben: Wouldn’t bringing all the Monarchs into the dream bring in too many projections?

Art: Perhaps but the course should be big enough to hold them all. Or what if we focused on the Captain, Ashton Ashton Fox ?

(Jim enters, the conversation continues)

Ken: So how do we plant the idea?

Art: It’ll have to be simple. The seed of the idea we we plant will have to grow in his mind. What if we impersonate his Captain of Vice Ross asyoudo64?

Ben: So we’ll feed him the idea as Ross

Art: And then as we go down deeper his subconscious will project our version of Ross back to him

Ben: And he’ll essentially be giving himself the idea. We can bring Captain of Vice Paul Harveydog500 in for that.

(Paul enters)

Ken: So we want him to throw the Cyder Cup but how do we go about planting that?

Art: I think we start with “There is more to Pixel Golf than winning the Cyder Cup. The Cyder Cup result does not define his captaincy”

Ken: And how do we get back out once we’ve planted the idea?

Art: A kick

Jim: What’s a kick?

Art: The feeling of falling that jolts us awake. If we time it correctly on all three levels we can ride it back to reality. We can cue it up with music so we can time each level correctly as each match above nears its conclusion

(Ashton sits down with Jim for an interview. Jim offers him a glass of water)

(Cut to Day 2 of Cyder Cup)

Jim: Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 2 coverage from the Cyder Cup. Today we’re bringing you action from Match 2 which sees Strikers Eric Beaudry InsanericK and Mark Lawrence IGolfBad up against Monarchs Konsta Kokkonen Palo and Paul Bradford sid snott. Today I’m happy to be joined by Groot. How are you doing today?

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Doing well Jim. What a match we have before us today. I can see Monarch Captain Ashton and Vice Captain Ross down on the first tee to observe the round. Shall we get to the action Jim?)

Jim (To producers): Really guys, this is the best we can come up with?

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Hey! I’m perfectly capable of doing this job)

Jim (To producers): He only says “I am Groot”. How am I supposed to work with that?

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Well you don’t have to)

Jim: Well out on the course we’ve seen 5 holes go by with the teams matching each other step for step and the match is still AS as they head to 6.

(Ben drives up in Ashton’s golf cart. Ashton hops on not realizing who is driving. Paul hops on the back)

Ashton: What are you doing?

(Paul pulls out a golf club threateningly)

Paul: Stay put man

Jim (In the booth): And the birdie putt for Mark just slips by cup and the Monarch’s strike first.

Groot (Over course PA speaker): I AM GROOT!!! (Translation: look out there’s a train on the course!!)

Jim: That’s my cue, I’m leaving. I can’t with this anymore. Good luck with this tree

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Good riddance)

(As the cart drives toward the clubhouse a train nearly smashes them. Ben looks back and sees Les lessangster shouting all aboard!)

Paul: Get us out of here Ben!

(The golf cart speeds toward the clubhouse while being pelted by golf balls)

Jim (To Art): That wasn’t in the design.

Groot (In the booth): I am Groot (Translation: And a surprising par by Konsta on the par 3 gives the Strikers the hole on the back of Eric’s birdie. We’re back to all square)

Art: Ben, what the fcuk?!

Ben: I don’t know what that was? What happened? Jim, why would you put Les driving a train in the design?

Jim: I didn’t

(The golf match is on a television in the clubhouse…Groot is dancing on set)

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: This has been quite the duel so far. We are AS after 11. Riveting match so far)

Art: Why were we ambushed Jim? Those projections weren’t normal? They were trained to detect us

Jim: How is that possible?

Ben: Ashton had an extractor train his mind to defend itself. That should’ve shown in the research

Art: Why the hell didn’t it Ben?!

Ben: So let’s just end it then. We can try again in Cyder Cup VII.

Art: We can’t.

Paul: Why not?

Art: Because we’re sedated. We needed it to get three dream levels. If we die, we’ll just be stuck in Limbo

Ben: You knew the risk ask you didn’t tell us?

Art: There wasn’t supposed to be any risk. We weren’t supposed to be dealing with this. It was a risk we needed to take to get the job done. I did what I had to do for us to win the Cyder Cup

Ken: So what do we do now?

Art: We keep going. We’ll carry on with the mission as planned. Downwards is the only way forwards.

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: I’m bored, there’s no scoring. They’re still AS after 13)

Ken: Let’s keep moving, we need to talk to Ashton

(Art and Ben enter)

Ashton: What do you want from me?

Ben: In your Captain’s office there’s a personal safe below the trophy case, we need that combination

Ashton: I don’t know what you’re talking about

Ben: We have it on good authority you do

(Paul enters as Ross appearing to be kidnapped)

Ashton: Ross, you told them about the safe

Paul: They already knew about it. But I don’t know the combination

Ashton: I don’t either

Ben: The combination! (Threatens Paul as Ross)

Paul: Look, these Strikers are going to kill us if we don’t give them the combination. It’s just our strategy for setting the lineup, is it worth dying over?

Ashton: But I don’t know it, at least not consciously

Art: Time’s up. I have someone in your office right now. Give me the first six numbers that come to mind then

Ashton: 2 0 2 0 1 6

(Ashton and Paul are dragged out of the clubhouse to a van in the parking lot. Ken drives off with everyone inside)

(On the TV: Groot: I am Groot (Translation: And Konsta sinks the birdie putt to give the Monarchs a 1 up lead after 14)

Ken: Everybody ready? (Hits the button)

Jim: Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 2 coverage from the Cyder Cup. Today we’re bringing you action from Match 3 which sees Strikers Tim Brantford TimB and Chris Grzesik Bear up against Monarchs Johnny Onions evilgrin72 and Randy Zubowicz zooby97. Today I’m happy to be joined by Jar Jar Binks. How are you doing today?

Jar Jar: Mesa doen well Jim. Glad to besa backen. What a matchen wesa have today. Mesa surprised to see Captain Ashton sitten at da bar. Hesa must have mui of confidence in disa matchen

Jim: You know what, I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m out. Jar Jar, it’s all yours buddy

Jar Jar: Wow! mesa thanken yousa Jim

(Jim leaves the set and walks toward Ben sitting outside of earshot from the bar)

(Art walks up to Ashton at the bar)

Jim: What exactly is Art doing?

Ben: It’s a bit designed to turn Ashton against his own subconscious. It’s a big risk because it involves telling Ashton he’s dreaming

Art (to Ashton): Good afternoon, my name is George and I’m in charge of your security here

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: And Randy maken an eagle putt to give da Monarchs da early lead aftah 3)

Ashton: Security? You work for the golf course?

Art: No, I specialize in subconscious security

Ashton: You’re talking about my dreams, about extraction

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: A pair of birdies by Chris and Tim ensure da Strikers win da hole. All square aftah 6)

Art: Exactly. Ashton I’m here to protect you from anyone trying to gain access to your mind through your dreams. You’re not safe here, they are coming for you

(The clubhouse tilts to one side)

Art: You see that? Strange isn’t it?

(The chandeliers start to shake above. From a distance Jim and Ben look on)

Jim: What’s happening?

Ben: He’s drawing Ashton’s attention to the strangeness of the dream. Making his subconscious look for the dreamer…for me

(Back at the bar)

Art: I can explain all of this…

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: And Chris wit a birdie on 8 puts da Strikers tup una)

Ashton: I’m in a dream

(The club members turn and look at Art)

Art: The simplest test is for you to try and remember how you arrived at this bar

(Ashton ponders, trying to remember)

Art: Remember your training. Accept that we’re in a dream and I’m here to protect you

Ashton: So you’re not real?

Art: No, I’m a projection of your subconscious. I was put here to protect you in the event someone tried t extract something from your mind and I believe that is exactly what is going on here. Come with me, we should get out of here

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: And Johnny wit da clutch doublen breaken par putt on 11 to halve da hole )

(Art takes Ashton to the attached hotel)

Ashton: If this is a dream I have to kill myself and I’ll wake up

Art: I wouldn’t do that. They probably have you sedated. Killing yourself wouldn’t wake you, it would likely drop you to a lower dream state. You know this, you just have to remember it

(They approach room 202)

Art: What do you remember from before this dream?

Ashton: There was a train…and I was on a golf cart being pelted by golf balls…they wanted the combination to a safe…oh and they put us in a van.

Art: That probably explains why the building shifted like that.

(Cut to clubhouse. Paul spots Ross walking toward … he follows)

(Back upstairs they enter the room and see Ben and Jim standing there)

Art: It’s ok, they are with me

Ben: We found this (pulls out a silver briefcase)

Art: You know what is in this case?

Ashton: I think so but I don’t understand

Art: They were going to put you under

Ashton: But I’m already under

Art: Under again

Ashton: A dream within a dream?

(Ross enters)

Ashton: Ross! What’s going on?

Art: You were kidnapped together you said?

Ashton: Not exactly…they already had him…Ross did you hire them?

Ross: No, Ashton

Ashton: You wanted to give them our strategy?

Ross: Ashton, you don’t understand…the captaincy doesn’t define you

Art: He’s lying

Ashton: How do you know?

Art: It’s what I do. Tell you what, let’s find out. We’ll go in to his subconscious and find out what he knows

Ashton: Ok, yeah, yeah (offers up his arm)

Jim: Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 2 coverage from the Cyder Cup. Today we’re bringing you action from Match 1 which sees Strikers Mark Murray horusphoenix and Paul Matchen Harveydog500 up against Monarchs Daniel Oram xxdannyxxo and Paul Davies thetaffman. Today I’m happy to be joined by Captain Jack Sparrow. How are you doing today?

Jack: Ahoy there Jim. Excited to be 'ere today. What a match we 'ave before us

Jim: So what made you decide to stop by the course today? I wouldn’t expect a pirate to be interest in golf at all

Jack: Aye we’re not. But ye see I’ve got this here pesky black spot that there means I’m bein' 'unted by Davy Jones’ foul beast Kracken. So I ran the Pearl aground as soon as I could an' walked ashore

(Brief pause)

Jack: An' the drinks 'ere be full o' rum. Me glass be ne'er empty

Jim: So you just by chance stumbled upon us here at the Cyder Cup and they let you host with me

Jack: Well I am Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

Jim: Moving on…how about we get out to the course and see what’s going on

Jim: It looks like our golfers are already on hole 5 after halving the opening 4 holes. Mark is looking at a birdie putt to win the hole for the Strikers. And he’s able to make it

Jack: Excellent! Drinks all around!

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML)

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: and the players step on to 18th tee with the Monarchs clinging to a 1 up advantage)

(Ken still driving the van to miss the train and the golf balls while listening on the radio)

Ken: Hope you guys are ready down there

(Puts headphones on Ben with Groot’s call of the match…begins to back up toward the edge of the bridge he was on)

(One level down to Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG)

Ben: (Hears Match 2 above) It’s too soon! (Looks at the TV)

(TV: Jar Jar: And now da players stepen on tada 12th tee)

Ben: Well, now or never (places headphones on Paul)

(Back down to Match 1 (MM/PM vs DO/PD)

Jack: …and that’s how I became their chief

Jim: Riveting, what a story there Jack. Well we find our golfers on the 8th tee now. Let’s catch up on what’s happening in the match. Mark was able to steal one from the Monarchs after missing the green with an excellent chip in for birdie on 7

(Paul and Art on the clubhouse balcony with Ashton in sight)

Paul: Do you hear that? Is that Jar Jar or am I going crazy?

Art: No it’s Jar Jar. Ben must’ve gotten the signal the kick was coming. (Over radio: Jim we’re gonna have to speed this up somehow. Is there a way you can cut holes from the match?)

Jim (Over radio): Sure can but it’s a big risk. If we jump the match ahead, Head Reporter Mark will know exactly when it’s going to end. That’s a big risk)

Art (Over radio in Jim’s ear): It’s a risk we’ve got to take. Meet us in the clubhouse now

Jack (at the same time out loud): 'ay, who be ye blabberin' to, matee

Jim: I gotta go. Good luck with the rest of the broadcast

(Jim races to the clubhouse as the players step on the 17th tee)

(Cut to Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG)

(TV: Jar Jar: And now da players stepen on tada 18th tee. Chris was able to eagle da 17th followen a spectacular kicken on da drive allowen da strikers to carryen a 1 tup lead into da lasten hole)

(Ben works feverishly to line everyone up for the kick)

(Cut to Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML)

(Over the van radio: Groot: I am Groot (Translation: What an excellent approach shot by Konsta leaving him an easy birdie putt and a chance to take the secure the victory for the Monarchs

(Back down to Match 1 (MM/PM vs DO/PD)

Paul: So how exactly are we going to kick down here?

Art: We’ll need to wait until after the match, after Ashton comes back up from his Captain’s office. Jim should be able to confirm he got the safe open and follow him back up here to the balcony

Jack: An' mark makes an eagle on 17 to put the strikers aft in fore. I 'ad an eagle once. Majestic beast

Art (continues): Then we’ll tackle him off the edge with us. This match should be done soon (Players approaching last hole)

Jack: Mark with a 'eavy breakin' putt to save parley an' the match fer the strikers. An' 'e’s able to make it. Strikers win 1up. An' that’s all fer today’s match. Fer Jim Nance, I’m Captain Jack Sparrow sayin' so long an' drink up me hearties yo ho

Ashton: I can’t believe we lost. (Heads off to the Captain’s office. Jim follows)

(Enters office and sees a safe. He wonders if it could be that simple. He enters the numbers he gave to the kidnappers 2 0 2 0 1 6. The safe opens. He pulls out the strategy notebook and begins flipping through)

Ashton (aloud to himself): I just don’t see how they could’ve lost that one.

(Tosses notebook aside. It flips open to the last page revealing a note. It says: “There is more to Pixel Golf than winning the Cyder Cup”. He looks back in the safe again and sees the Fox 5 Studios logo)

Jim (quietly over radio): He’s got it

Art (over radio): Get him up here. We’re out of time

Jim (To Ashton): Captain we’d like to do a post match interview up on the balcony

Ashton: Sure, let’s get this over

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML)

(The van nears the barrier)
(Over the radio: Groot: I am Groot (Translation: And Konsta makes the putt to secure the victory for the Monarchs 1 up)

(Groot continues: I am Groot (Translation: And that’s all we have for you today. For Jim Nance, I am Groot, so long)

(Back in Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG)

(Ben hears the end of the match above)

(TV: Jar Jar: And Chris maken da putt to secure da victory per da Strikers 1 tup

(Ben readies to flip the chairs off the hotel room balcony)

(Jar Jar continues: And that’s all wesa have per yousa today palos. Per Jim Nance, mesa jar jar binks, so longo)

Back in Match 1 (MM/PM vs DO/PD)

(Jim sits down with Ashton near the edge of the balcony)

Jim: So tell us what went wrong with today’s match?

(Before Ashton can answer, Art and Paul rush toward them and tackle them over the edge)

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML) the van slams the barrier)

(Back in Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG) they all wake up as Ben flips the chairs over the edge)

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML) they all wake up in the van as it crashes down into the water)

(The sedation wears off and the team wakes up in the broadcast studio. They leave before Ashton wakes)

(A few minutes later Ashton wakes up)

Jim: So tell me how you think Day 1 went…

[inflames47]

Round 3 Singles

Leon Anderson vs Arthur Vandelay

The night before this match was to be played, it was like the end of the world was coming. Huge clouds formed and the sky darkened up, and within a moments notice, the wind picked up the rain poured down … this would certainly effect what the green speed would be on the Single Match Day.

After hearing much ado about the doubles match where The Golden Boy blinded anyone not wearing sunglasses Mr Anderson decided he would go full Matrix on Mr. 7200. He was ready dodge anything thrown at him.



Sides needed to be chosen and The Guest Marshall Mark Lawrence IGolfBad  showed up with a bag of his goodies and offered some to Leon and Arthur..

While Leon’s pill was a total placebo , Art’s Little Blue pill would pack some punch. It’s a good thing he showed up in his baggy diaper pants, rather than his gold suit.. because he would need a bit of room for growth after taking that blue pill. Mrs. V was hoping it would wear off before he got home, she just was not up for being chased around the coffee table.
The magic pill seemed to being working for Arthur as he was 3 up after 4 holes. Leon was able to take 2 back by the 7th hole, but Art was relentless and took another hole back and was in the lead going into the back nine. The green speed was getting to Leon as he was able to match Art, but never get in the lead again.. this one is done early.. Sorry Mrs. Vandelay, better get your running shoes on, the match ended earlier than expected and that Blue pill has not worn off...

Strikers Wins 3/2

[asyoudo64]

Day 3 Singles Match 1
Hannigan V Wise
Patrick " The Man " Hannigan was hoping the Strikers Captain would be a bit preoccupied with his teams progress, paving the way for a glorious Monarchs victory.
He couldn't have been more wrong.
The Wise one came out all guns blazing and birdied the first 3 holes, while The Man could only manage pars. The Wise one looked focused.
The Man needed something special. He was able to halve the 4th then chipped in for a bird on the 5th narrowing the lead to 2. A cheeky grin flashed across The Man's face. Here I come he thought.
Ken struck back on the next but The Man retaliated straight away. The to and fro of the match was exhilarating. This is what all sports fans dream of.
The 8th was halved and then The Man came to town on the 9th. The Wise one only up by 1 at the halfway mark. He looked rattled.

He admitted as much.
The second nine was a golfing clinic. 9 holes, 9 halves. Pars answered by pars. Birdies answered by Birdies.
In the end the Wise man's 9 hole lead remained intact.
Strikers win 1 up.
A beautiful game from 2 beautiful players. I feel lucky to have witnessed this epic struggle.

[asyoudo64]

Aug 12, 2022 10:31:51 GMT -5 mbuenger said:

(Flashback to before start of Cyder Cup)

Capt. Ken coggin66: So you think we can do it Art? Inception?

Ben: It’s not possible

Art: It is but we’ll need a skilled architect. Someone who knows as much about golf as the golfers themselves

Ben: What about Nance?

Art and Ken (Simultaneously): Jim?

Ben: Yes Jim, think about it…every major golf event he’s there. Hell he’s been the only television personality covering the Cyder Cup since Cyder Cup III, and he has access to all the golfers.

Ken: So he can build a detailed world and get us access. How do we get the Monarchs into the dream with us?

(Everyone thinks quietly)

Art: I’ve got it! Daily interviews! They’ll all be there.

Ben: That could work!

Ken: Let’s see how good of an architect Jim can be first…

(Cut to end of Day 1)

Ken: What do you think Art? Can he do it?

Art: Yes, I’ve never seen anyone pick it up so quickly. The details of the course were immaculate, they shouldn’t have any idea

Ben: Wouldn’t bringing all the Monarchs into the dream bring in too many projections?

Art: Perhaps but the course should be big enough to hold them all. Or what if we focused on the Captain, Ashton Ashton Fox ?

(Jim enters, the conversation continues)

Ken: So how do we plant the idea?

Art: It’ll have to be simple. The seed of the idea we we plant will have to grow in his mind. What if we impersonate his Captain of Vice Ross asyoudo64?

Ben: So we’ll feed him the idea as Ross

Art: And then as we go down deeper his subconscious will project our version of Ross back to him

Ben: And he’ll essentially be giving himself the idea. We can bring Captain of Vice Paul Harveydog500 in for that.

(Paul enters)

Ken: So we want him to throw the Cyder Cup but how do we go about planting that?

Art: I think we start with “There is more to Pixel Golf than winning the Cyder Cup. The Cyder Cup result does not define his captaincy”

Ken: And how do we get back out once we’ve planted the idea?

Art: A kick

Jim: What’s a kick?

Art: The feeling of falling that jolts us awake. If we time it correctly on all three levels we can ride it back to reality. We can cue it up with music so we can time each level correctly as each match above nears its conclusion

(Ashton sits down with Jim for an interview. Jim offers him a glass of water)

(Cut to Day 2 of Cyder Cup)

Jim: Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 2 coverage from the Cyder Cup. Today we’re bringing you action from Match 2 which sees Strikers Eric Beaudry InsanericK and Mark Lawrence IGolfBad up against Monarchs Konsta Kokkonen Palo and Paul Bradford sid snott. Today I’m happy to be joined by Groot. How are you doing today?

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Doing well Jim. What a match we have before us today. I can see Monarch Captain Ashton and Vice Captain Ross down on the first tee to observe the round. Shall we get to the action Jim?)

Jim (To producers): Really guys, this is the best we can come up with?

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Hey! I’m perfectly capable of doing this job)

Jim (To producers): He only says “I am Groot”. How am I supposed to work with that?

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Well you don’t have to)

Jim: Well out on the course we’ve seen 5 holes go by with the teams matching each other step for step and the match is still AS as they head to 6.

(Ben drives up in Ashton’s golf cart. Ashton hops on not realizing who is driving. Paul hops on the back)

Ashton: What are you doing?

(Paul pulls out a golf club threateningly)

Paul: Stay put man

Jim (In the booth): And the birdie putt for Mark just slips by cup and the Monarch’s strike first.

Groot (Over course PA speaker): I AM GROOT!!! (Translation: look out there’s a train on the course!!)

Jim: That’s my cue, I’m leaving. I can’t with this anymore. Good luck with this tree

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: Good riddance)

(As the cart drives toward the clubhouse a train nearly smashes them. Ben looks back and sees Les lessangster shouting all aboard!)

Paul: Get us out of here Ben!

(The golf cart speeds toward the clubhouse while being pelted by golf balls)

Jim (To Art): That wasn’t in the design.

Groot (In the booth): I am Groot (Translation: And a surprising par by Konsta on the par 3 gives the Strikers the hole on the back of Eric’s birdie. We’re back to all square)

Art: Ben, what the fcuk?!

Ben: I don’t know what that was? What happened? Jim, why would you put Les driving a train in the design?

Jim: I didn’t

(The golf match is on a television in the clubhouse…Groot is dancing on set)

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: This has been quite the duel so far. We are AS after 11. Riveting match so far)

Art: Why were we ambushed Jim? Those projections weren’t normal? They were trained to detect us

Jim: How is that possible?

Ben: Ashton had an extractor train his mind to defend itself. That should’ve shown in the research

Art: Why the hell didn’t it Ben?!

Ben: So let’s just end it then. We can try again in Cyder Cup VII.

Art: We can’t.

Paul: Why not?

Art: Because we’re sedated. We needed it to get three dream levels. If we die, we’ll just be stuck in Limbo

Ben: You knew the risk ask you didn’t tell us?

Art: There wasn’t supposed to be any risk. We weren’t supposed to be dealing with this. It was a risk we needed to take to get the job done. I did what I had to do for us to win the Cyder Cup

Ken: So what do we do now?

Art: We keep going. We’ll carry on with the mission as planned. Downwards is the only way forwards.

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: I’m bored, there’s no scoring. They’re still AS after 13)

Ken: Let’s keep moving, we need to talk to Ashton

(Art and Ben enter)

Ashton: What do you want from me?

Ben: In your Captain’s office there’s a personal safe below the trophy case, we need that combination

Ashton: I don’t know what you’re talking about

Ben: We have it on good authority you do

(Paul enters as Ross appearing to be kidnapped)

Ashton: Ross, you told them about the safe

Paul: They already knew about it. But I don’t know the combination

Ashton: I don’t either

Ben: The combination! (Threatens Paul as Ross)

Paul: Look, these Strikers are going to kill us if we don’t give them the combination. It’s just our strategy for setting the lineup, is it worth dying over?

Ashton: But I don’t know it, at least not consciously

Art: Time’s up. I have someone in your office right now. Give me the first six numbers that come to mind then

Ashton: 2 0 2 0 1 6

(Ashton and Paul are dragged out of the clubhouse to a van in the parking lot. Ken drives off with everyone inside)

(On the TV: Groot: I am Groot (Translation: And Konsta sinks the birdie putt to give the Monarchs a 1 up lead after 14)

Ken: Everybody ready? (Hits the button)

Jim: Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 2 coverage from the Cyder Cup. Today we’re bringing you action from Match 3 which sees Strikers Tim Brantford TimB and Chris Grzesik Bear up against Monarchs Johnny Onions evilgrin72 and Randy Zubowicz zooby97. Today I’m happy to be joined by Jar Jar Binks. How are you doing today?

Jar Jar: Mesa doen well Jim. Glad to besa backen. What a matchen wesa have today. Mesa surprised to see Captain Ashton sitten at da bar. Hesa must have mui of confidence in disa matchen

Jim: You know what, I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m out. Jar Jar, it’s all yours buddy

Jar Jar: Wow! mesa thanken yousa Jim

(Jim leaves the set and walks toward Ben sitting outside of earshot from the bar)

(Art walks up to Ashton at the bar)

Jim: What exactly is Art doing?

Ben: It’s a bit designed to turn Ashton against his own subconscious. It’s a big risk because it involves telling Ashton he’s dreaming

Art (to Ashton): Good afternoon, my name is George and I’m in charge of your security here

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: And Randy maken an eagle putt to give da Monarchs da early lead aftah 3)

Ashton: Security? You work for the golf course?

Art: No, I specialize in subconscious security

Ashton: You’re talking about my dreams, about extraction

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: A pair of birdies by Chris and Tim ensure da Strikers win da hole. All square aftah 6)

Art: Exactly. Ashton I’m here to protect you from anyone trying to gain access to your mind through your dreams. You’re not safe here, they are coming for you

(The clubhouse tilts to one side)

Art: You see that? Strange isn’t it?

(The chandeliers start to shake above. From a distance Jim and Ben look on)

Jim: What’s happening?

Ben: He’s drawing Ashton’s attention to the strangeness of the dream. Making his subconscious look for the dreamer…for me

(Back at the bar)

Art: I can explain all of this…

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: And Chris wit a birdie on 8 puts da Strikers tup una)

Ashton: I’m in a dream

(The club members turn and look at Art)

Art: The simplest test is for you to try and remember how you arrived at this bar

(Ashton ponders, trying to remember)

Art: Remember your training. Accept that we’re in a dream and I’m here to protect you

Ashton: So you’re not real?

Art: No, I’m a projection of your subconscious. I was put here to protect you in the event someone tried t extract something from your mind and I believe that is exactly what is going on here. Come with me, we should get out of here

(Bar TV: Jar Jar: And Johnny wit da clutch doublen breaken par putt on 11 to halve da hole )

(Art takes Ashton to the attached hotel)

Ashton: If this is a dream I have to kill myself and I’ll wake up

Art: I wouldn’t do that. They probably have you sedated. Killing yourself wouldn’t wake you, it would likely drop you to a lower dream state. You know this, you just have to remember it

(They approach room 202)

Art: What do you remember from before this dream?

Ashton: There was a train…and I was on a golf cart being pelted by golf balls…they wanted the combination to a safe…oh and they put us in a van.

Art: That probably explains why the building shifted like that.

(Cut to clubhouse. Paul spots Ross walking toward … he follows)

(Back upstairs they enter the room and see Ben and Jim standing there)

Art: It’s ok, they are with me

Ben: We found this (pulls out a silver briefcase)

Art: You know what is in this case?

Ashton: I think so but I don’t understand

Art: They were going to put you under

Ashton: But I’m already under

Art: Under again

Ashton: A dream within a dream?

(Ross enters)

Ashton: Ross! What’s going on?

Art: You were kidnapped together you said?

Ashton: Not exactly…they already had him…Ross did you hire them?

Ross: No, Ashton

Ashton: You wanted to give them our strategy?

Ross: Ashton, you don’t understand…the captaincy doesn’t define you

Art: He’s lying

Ashton: How do you know?

Art: It’s what I do. Tell you what, let’s find out. We’ll go in to his subconscious and find out what he knows

Ashton: Ok, yeah, yeah (offers up his arm)

Jim: Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 2 coverage from the Cyder Cup. Today we’re bringing you action from Match 1 which sees Strikers Mark Murray horusphoenix and Paul Matchen Harveydog500 up against Monarchs Daniel Oram xxdannyxxo and Paul Davies thetaffman. Today I’m happy to be joined by Captain Jack Sparrow. How are you doing today?

Jack: Ahoy there Jim. Excited to be 'ere today. What a match we 'ave before us

Jim: So what made you decide to stop by the course today? I wouldn’t expect a pirate to be interest in golf at all

Jack: Aye we’re not. But ye see I’ve got this here pesky black spot that there means I’m bein' 'unted by Davy Jones’ foul beast Kracken. So I ran the Pearl aground as soon as I could an' walked ashore

(Brief pause)

Jack: An' the drinks 'ere be full o' rum. Me glass be ne'er empty

Jim: So you just by chance stumbled upon us here at the Cyder Cup and they let you host with me

Jack: Well I am Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

Jim: Moving on…how about we get out to the course and see what’s going on

Jim: It looks like our golfers are already on hole 5 after halving the opening 4 holes. Mark is looking at a birdie putt to win the hole for the Strikers. And he’s able to make it

Jack: Excellent! Drinks all around!

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML)

Groot: I am Groot (Translation: and the players step on to 18th tee with the Monarchs clinging to a 1 up advantage)

(Ken still driving the van to miss the train and the golf balls while listening on the radio)

Ken: Hope you guys are ready down there

(Puts headphones on Ben with Groot’s call of the match…begins to back up toward the edge of the bridge he was on)

(One level down to Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG)

Ben: (Hears Match 2 above) It’s too soon! (Looks at the TV)

(TV: Jar Jar: And now da players stepen on tada 12th tee)

Ben: Well, now or never (places headphones on Paul)

(Back down to Match 1 (MM/PM vs DO/PD)

Jack: …and that’s how I became their chief

Jim: Riveting, what a story there Jack. Well we find our golfers on the 8th tee now. Let’s catch up on what’s happening in the match. Mark was able to steal one from the Monarchs after missing the green with an excellent chip in for birdie on 7

(Paul and Art on the clubhouse balcony with Ashton in sight)

Paul: Do you hear that? Is that Jar Jar or am I going crazy?

Art: No it’s Jar Jar. Ben must’ve gotten the signal the kick was coming. (Over radio: Jim we’re gonna have to speed this up somehow. Is there a way you can cut holes from the match?)

Jim (Over radio): Sure can but it’s a big risk. If we jump the match ahead, Head Reporter Mark will know exactly when it’s going to end. That’s a big risk)

Art (Over radio in Jim’s ear): It’s a risk we’ve got to take. Meet us in the clubhouse now

Jack (at the same time out loud): 'ay, who be ye blabberin' to, matee

Jim: I gotta go. Good luck with the rest of the broadcast

(Jim races to the clubhouse as the players step on the 17th tee)

(Cut to Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG)

(TV: Jar Jar: And now da players stepen on tada 18th tee. Chris was able to eagle da 17th followen a spectacular kicken on da drive allowen da strikers to carryen a 1 tup lead into da lasten hole)

(Ben works feverishly to line everyone up for the kick)

(Cut to Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML)

(Over the van radio: Groot: I am Groot (Translation: What an excellent approach shot by Konsta leaving him an easy birdie putt and a chance to take the secure the victory for the Monarchs

(Back down to Match 1 (MM/PM vs DO/PD)

Paul: So how exactly are we going to kick down here?

Art: We’ll need to wait until after the match, after Ashton comes back up from his Captain’s office. Jim should be able to confirm he got the safe open and follow him back up here to the balcony

Jack: An' mark makes an eagle on 17 to put the strikers aft in fore. I 'ad an eagle once. Majestic beast

Art (continues): Then we’ll tackle him off the edge with us. This match should be done soon (Players approaching last hole)

Jack: Mark with a 'eavy breakin' putt to save parley an' the match fer the strikers. An' 'e’s able to make it. Strikers win 1up. An' that’s all fer today’s match. Fer Jim Nance, I’m Captain Jack Sparrow sayin' so long an' drink up me hearties yo ho

Ashton: I can’t believe we lost. (Heads off to the Captain’s office. Jim follows)

(Enters office and sees a safe. He wonders if it could be that simple. He enters the numbers he gave to the kidnappers 2 0 2 0 1 6. The safe opens. He pulls out the strategy notebook and begins flipping through)

Ashton (aloud to himself): I just don’t see how they could’ve lost that one.

(Tosses notebook aside. It flips open to the last page revealing a note. It says: “There is more to Pixel Golf than winning the Cyder Cup”. He looks back in the safe again and sees the Fox 5 Studios logo)

Jim (quietly over radio): He’s got it

Art (over radio): Get him up here. We’re out of time

Jim (To Ashton): Captain we’d like to do a post match interview up on the balcony

Ashton: Sure, let’s get this over

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML)

(The van nears the barrier)
(Over the radio: Groot: I am Groot (Translation: And Konsta makes the putt to secure the victory for the Monarchs 1 up)

(Groot continues: I am Groot (Translation: And that’s all we have for you today. For Jim Nance, I am Groot, so long)

(Back in Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG)

(Ben hears the end of the match above)

(TV: Jar Jar: And Chris maken da putt to secure da victory per da Strikers 1 tup

(Ben readies to flip the chairs off the hotel room balcony)

(Jar Jar continues: And that’s all wesa have per yousa today palos. Per Jim Nance, mesa jar jar binks, so longo)

Back in Match 1 (MM/PM vs DO/PD)

(Jim sits down with Ashton near the edge of the balcony)

Jim: So tell us what went wrong with today’s match?

(Before Ashton can answer, Art and Paul rush toward them and tackle them over the edge)

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML) the van slams the barrier)

(Back in Match 3 (JO/RZ vs TB/CG) they all wake up as Ben flips the chairs over the edge)

(Back in Match 2 (KK/PB vs EB/ML) they all wake up in the van as it crashes down into the water)

(The sedation wears off and the team wakes up in the broadcast studio. They leave before Ashton wakes)

(A few minutes later Ashton wakes up)

Jim: So tell me how you think Day 1 went…

Brilliant Mark, I think. Is this me or Paul. Where am I. What day is it. What's a Cyder Cup? 🤪🤪🤪.

[Art Vandelay]

Heading into singles play at the end of pairs competition:



What else could you ask for?


ONWARD!

[coggin66]

Day 3 - Singles Matchplay:

Les Sangster vs Ken Lokosky

GUEST COMMENTATORS #3 - BRAZILIAN SOCCER


[The Outside]

[Max] I'm Max Headroom. It’s nearly 2pm and joining me for the next couple of hours for the Day 3 broadcasts is my guest, Alexa. Alexa, welcome.

[Alexa] Thank you.

[Max] Viewers, now is the time to select the Day 3 match you want to watch.

.
.

[Max] Alexa, please give us an overview of the players and characters in this match.

[Alexa] For the Red team we have the return of the Mad Dog Hunter himself, Carl Fredrickson. He likes to call himself MDH Rem. His IRL character is Les Sangster. MDH has really developed the Curmudgeon attributes for Les which makes him very grumpy but has the bonus side effect that he is insanely attractive to Disney princesses.

[Max] And who is playing for the Blue team?

[Alexa] For the Blue team we have the BB series droid with the designation JB-24KL. His IRL character is Ken Lokosky, an American train driver better known as Loko Ken.

[Max] Thanks Alexa. Ironically it was Ken’s opponent Les that was seen driving a train across the course earlier today. Not sure what that was all about. Anyway, we might listen to the TGC commentary for this match. So let’s slow things down to TGC speed and get up close to the action.


[In the Press Office]

[MarkL]: Where is that Dick Head? He is meant to be commentating on today’s match.

[KenW]: I’m afraid he is not going to make it today.

[ML]: Why not?

[KW]: After yesterday’s interview, Dick went drinking with Pete. When I rang Pete to find out where Dick was, he said something about Dick feeling crook and needing to chuck a sickie.

[ML]: So who are we going to use instead?

[KW]: The Brazilian soccer commentators are available.

[ML]: OK. They’ll do.

.
.

[TGC Commentary Box]

Voiceover Guy:

The following broadcast is rated MA15+. It may contain sexual references. It is not suitable for children under 15.

We are now crossing to our live coverage of Day 3 of the Brew Crew Cyder Cup VI. Mr Head was unavailable for today’s commentary so we have brought in our Brazilian soccer commentators to present this show.

[Intro Music plays]

PW: Ola amigos. Welcome to our live commentary stream for Day 3 of the Brew Crew Cyder Cup VI brought to you by Dickens Cyder. My name is Pele Withmabales. You’ve joined us for this match between Les Sangster and Ken Lokosky. Down on the touch line we have the delightful Maria Izahotta, who will be able to get close to the action. Maria, are you looking forward to this match?

MI: Sim. I think Loko Ken is o favorito but it should be close.

PW: Thanks Maria. Here comes today’s MC to announce the players.

Esmeralda:

My name is Esmeralda and I want to welcome you to Day Three of Cyder Cup VI, sponsored by Dickens Cyder.

In the Red strip, we have Les Sangster. I had fun playing with the bell at the top of his tower last night.

In the Blue strip, we have Loko Ken Lokosky.

OK boys, let’s get ready to kick off.

PW: Maria, how are the two teams looking?

MI: Loko Ken looks like he has a full head of steam. Les is looking a little tired. I heard on the grapevine that he has had no sleep and was with Esmeralda all last night and apparently Les was taking full advantage of the hunchback of our “lady”.

PW: Thanks Maria. Esmeralda has blown the whistle and the match is underway. Loko has taken the ball down the wing, crossed it into the green and it’s in the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! After 5 minutes it is Strikers 1, Monarchs 0.

PW: Good defensive play from both sides; Les is on the attack; that’s a foul from Loko; Les gets a free kick; it’s in the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! 15 minutes gone and it is 1-1.

PW: They are knocking the ball around in the middle of the field; a clever jink from Loko; he strikes the ball and it’s in the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! 25 minutes gone and it’s Strikers 2, Monarchs 1.

PW: Saves there from both teams; another burst of speed from Loko; he’s hit a curler; and it’s in the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! 35 minutes gone of this first half and it’s Strikers 3, Monarchs 1.

PW: Some scrappy play there. Now Loko is putting some passes together; Les has slipped up; the hole is open; it’s in the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! The Strikers now lead 4-1. And that’s the half-time whistle. Maria, your thoughts on that first half.

MI: Loko is looking strong and is still full of running. I think the overnight exertions are taking their toll on Les. His timing is off and he just can’t get it in the hole as easily as he did last night. It looks like the whistle is about to blow for the start of the second half. Back to you Pele.

PW: The crowd is in full swing shouting “Come on you, Blues”. And we are off for the second half. Some awful passes from both players there, way off target; Les plays a back pass and gives it away to Loko; he hits it; and it’s in the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! Only 5 minutes into the second half and its Strikers 5, Monarchs 1.

PW: The Blue half of the crowd is chanting, “5-1, 5-1 … 5-1, 5-1”.

PW: Les hits off; he dummies Loko; he strikes the ball; it hits the post; and drops into the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! 10 minutes into the second half and its Strikers 5, Monarchs 2.

PW: Both teams have been playing with solid defences. Strikers still lead 5-2 with 20 minutes left of the match. Loko fires a long ball up the pitch; a lovely through ball; a long hit along the ground and he taps it into the HOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLE! Strikers lead 6-2 with only 15 minutes left. There is no way the Monarchs can come back from that.

.
.

PW: The final whistle has blown. Loko scored another goal in the last 15 minutes and then Les got a final consolation goal right at the end. It finished 7-3. Maria.

MI: The Blue supporters are going wild shouting “Loko, Loko”. It ended up being a one-sided match, with Loko just too strong for Les.

PW: A pretty easy win for Loko Ken for the Strikers. That’s all from us today. Obrigada to Maria Izahotta for her insights. I’ve been your host, Pele Withmabales. Adeus.


[The Outside]

[Max] I don’t know where those IRL commentators got that scoring system from, but the end result was an easy 4&3 win for the Blue team.

[Alexa] JB-24KL was just too good at controlling Loko Ken today. MDH just couldn’t get Les to compete as his mind was elsewhere.

[Max] I can see SkyBlueBen, the Na’Vi from Pandora, going over to congratulate JB-24KL in the ID Arena.

[Alexa] Yes. Apparently SkyBlueBen might be leaving early today because his IRL character Ben Tough is being sent to Coventry, so no one can talk to him.

[Max] Thanks for your insights, Alexa. Join us again viewers at 4pm for the final Day 4 matches.


THE END

[prowse00]

Day 3 Singles

Oram v Lawrence

It’s the start of singles day, no hiding and relying on your partner here. A place where boys can become men, a place to flex those swinging arms. A paradise of hunks asserting dominance over one another. Where am I going with this…wait this is meant to be a golf report but somehow we have dipped into Carol’s Cyder Cup dream.



Let’s start this again. Day 3 is upon us. Conditions are ideal, heads are suitably sore from Brew Crew proceedings last night, we are ready to go.

Today’s report sees the return of Daniel Oram up against our very own Mr Press Mark Lawrence. Now on paper this was reported as the David and Goliath tie of the day but while sharing a nightcap with Mark in the press room in the early hours of the morning, there is definitely going to be some surprises in store for Daniel.

Tee time 11.26. Daniel is keen and ready, seen going through his pre round stretches.



11.30, still no sign of Mr Lawrence, mind games are beginning.

11.35 Mark can be seen leisurely walking towards the tee with an entourage behind. “Sorry I am late Daniel, I hope you don’t mind a few friends joining us on the course today?”



Daniel nodded and proceeded to take to the tee trying to stay in the zone. Mark could be heard in the background, “please proceed Jessica” which prompted the entourage to start their own pre-match routines. In sync with Daniel’s backswing came Jessica’s downswing. Tee shot fluffed.



“Ah hard luck ol chap, seems you’ve hit a bit of rough there” Mark calmly remarked as he placed down his tee. Hole 1 to Strikers.

Could Mark be about to pull off a Cyder shock result. Daniel clearly looked uneasy on course with Mark's distracting encourage. Holes 2-5 all square.

Just as all was looking to be going to plan for Mark, as the TV camera panned in for the walk to the 6th tee, cheers were seen within the entourage. Everyone expecting to see Mark in the middle were shocked to see Daniel heading the cheers with champagne flute in hand. He's converted them into the colours of the Monarchs and clearly enjoying the transition.

And that folks was all that was needed. Full steam ahead for Daniel with nothing left up Mark’s sleeves. What could have been a Striker upset turned into a Monarch convincing victory.

Monarchs WIN 5&4

[prowse00]

Day 3 Singles

Zubowicz v Grzesik

Privilege to be able to report on one my dearest golf buddies Randy Zubowicz who takes on Chris Grzeski. As much as I like Randy and always wish him the best in his golfing adventures, being a Monarch for the week, I hope my fellow Striker brings his A team ‘Lazersight’ to the table and destroys you. (No hard feelings)

Randy and Chris have shared the course already this week with Chris taking the win for the Strikers with an eagle on the back stretch. It seemed to be a sore subject with Randy. Having caught wind of my free bar tab, Randy spent the night drowning his sorrows while going into a full in depth analysis of his play from the day just gone. As long as he recovers in time and remembers how he is going to use his newly created course strategy, today’s match up could be a wonder to watch.

“Chris, how do you rate your chances today?”

"Anyone can win a fight when the odds are easy! It's when the going's tough, when there seems to be no chance, that's when it counts!"

“Right…so you think it’s going to be a tough test today against Randy?”

“No man can win every battle, but no man should fall without a struggle."

“Ok..so a potential close battle between you two today?

"The answers you seek shall be yours, once I claim what is mine."

“Thank you Chris, any last words for your fans before you head to the tee?”

“"You can take away my home, take away my suits, all my tricks and toys, but one thing you can't take away - I am LazerSight."

“Hmmm, thank you Chris, you may need to work on your own material but I do thank you for your time and wish you all the luck today”

"Randy, are you ready to enforce your new strategy?

"Huh…..what strategy.

"The one you discussed in length last night?"

"Last night?"

Ok…..let's just get on with this.

Nothing between the two in the opening hole, conservative play from both.

The first advantage went to Chris, with a marvelous 40ft putt for a birdie.

Randy fought back with the potential shot of the tournament so far. Tee sheet shot left inches from the hole. Tap in Bird. Back to all square.

Chris responded immediately again with another long putt to take back the lead.

1 up Strikers on the front 9.

Hole 10 was Randy's turn to bring out the putter. Downhill left he had to contend with. Worked like a magician, perfect putt. Back to all square.

Sadly in the run in on the remaining on back 9, Randy's magic had depleted. Chris was able to take a couple of holes and with no reply from Randy was able to take the win.

Strikers WIN 3&2

[Bear]

[Art Vandelay]

Aug 13, 2022 3:20:48 GMT -5 Bear said:

Ok I just peed a little.

Onward Strikers!

[sid snott]

Still feeling a bit worse for wear on day three I wandered out of the press bar to report on the singles match between Monarch Doume6307 & Striker Kie .
It's going to get hot on the course so make sure you have plenty of liquids. Dom showed me his bag and had taken out most of his clubs and filled it bottles of wine. Kie saw this and threw out half of his club and quickly went down to local supermarket to return with a load of Foster's . I thought that you would of gotten water. Kie replied same thing, it's like gnats pis s .
Now we're all ready let's play ball
First hole shared
Second hole Kie won and Dom opened the first bottle of wine.
With the next three holes being shared Kie birdied the 6th while Dom bogeyed the hole. This fired Dom up into opening another bottle and with this took the next two holes to pull the match level. Both players then matched each other both in the golf & drinking until the 15th when Dom pulled out a bottle of champagne and said I was going to save this if I won.
Little did they know that this was going to be the winning hole for Dom as they both scored -8
Once they got back to the club house Dom was greeted by a tail wagging Fleole the westie which means because dad won she gets some treats.
Monarch Dom wins 1up

[xxdannyxxo]

i dont need to report rd 4 score do i as i was involved in round 3

[IGolfBad]

Cyder Cup Day 4 Bradford v Prowse

This matchup between Press Pool Brothers is brought to you by PerfectSwing^R (Notempomycin). Use PerfectSwing^R for all your tempo related issues. Yes, friends, with PerfectSwing^R, you can say goodbye to red-fasts, gray-slows, and purple backwards. Once daily PerfectSwing^R will solve all your tempo related woes. Try it today! PerfectSwing^R!

(low-volume monotonal legal-speak) PerfectSwing^R may cause changes in mood, blurred vision, tremors, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, skin flakes, tongue fairies, jimmy legs, toe nail tumors, fungal arthritis, brain clouds, ear trees, nose hair dreadlocks, bone farts, blood ice, flat beer, watery sweats, armpit wax, rectal inversion, hair cramps, eyebrow supplication, 3-wood sequestration, tooth compression, ventricular shake downs, dose related bird droppings, nip flips, penile rendition, music theory, orange tubes, vas differences, flapjack fracture, spinal graphics, insulin floaties, erectile misplacement, uterine carelessness, fallopian lady boys, colonic assessments, pink floyds, vascular dioxides, and bogey shoes.

Do not take PerfectSwing^R if you are pregnant, are trying to become pregnant, know someone who is, has been, will be, or never was pregnant, or if you are female. Or male.

Do not take PerfectSwing^R with alcohol unless you are looking for a really good time.

Do not give PerfectSwing^R to children under 12, uncles over 30, grandparents under 30, pets, bears, mollusks, earthworms, or space demons.

Ask Harvey Penick if PerfectSwing^R is right for you. He’ll probably tell you no.

Strikers win 5 & 3