The Brew Crew - The Cyder Cup VI

[mbuenger]

Hello friends, Jim Nance here to bring you Day 1 action from Cyder Cup VI. Today we bring you match 3 action featuring Monachs Doe “A Deer” Coba Doe Coba and Randy “Zooby Dooby” Zubowicz zooby97 against Strikers Dave “The Banker” Stevenson dave69 and Sean “Knockout” Prowse prowse00. I’m joined today by Brew Crew Scoremaster Art Vandelay Art Vandelay, Art how are you doing today?

Art: Fine Jim, I’m just waiting for a train, a train that will take me far away. I know where I hope this train will take me, but I can’t know for sure. Yet it doesn’t matter…

Jim: Great, here we go again. When will I just be able to have a normal broadcast?

Art: Jim did you know that we only use a fraction of the potential of our brains…but that’s just when we’re awake. While we dream, the mind performs wonders.

Jim: What are you talking about Art? Shouldn’t we get to the golf? Talk about who the favorite is? How the match may go?

(A fan walks by staring down Jim)

Art: Jim, in a dream your mind creates and perceives a world simultaneously and it’s so good at it that you don’t feel yourself doing the creating and that’s where I come in

Jim: You? I still don’t see what this has to do with golf Art.

Art: Yes, me. You can build whatever world you want Jim. You just have to dream it. Want to host with Jar Jar? You can host with Jar Jar. Or how about broadcasting a match in reverse? Maybe a Sing-a-long?

Jim: Well surely I would know if I was dreaming Art. There’s no way all the details could be created. The smell of the grass, the feel of the desk, the murmur in the crowd…there’s no way I could create all of this. There’s no way it could feel this real

Art: But you are Jim, every time you dream. Ours dreams feel real when we’re in them but once we wake we notice something was strange. Let me ask you something: You never remember the beginning of dreams, do you? You just turn up in the middle of what’s going on. So tell me how did you get to the studio today?

Jim: I got here from…
Umm…
I’m dreaming aren’t I?

(A number of fans turn and stare down Jim)

Art: You’re right Jim, we’re actually back in your trailer at the course sleeping. This is your first lesson in dream sharing and how you’re going to decide who wins the Cyder Cup

(Jim gets up from the desk and walks down to the course. Art follows)

Jim: So if we’re dreaming, who are the fans, the golfers?

Art: They are projections of my subconscious. You dream, my mind populates your dream with people.

(Course PA Announcer: Oh, a shocking miss there by Dave gives the Monarchs the hole to draw the match level after 2)

Jim: Why are they looking at me?

Art: Because you’re changing things. My subconscious feels someone else is creating this world. That putt had no break at all but the ball broke a lot. Dave would never miss a putt like that.

(Course PA: And what a putt by Sean from 30ft out to steal the hole back for the Strikers. The match is back level after 5)

Art: The more you change things, the more my projections try to converge on the dreamer.

(Course PA: Bit of a run here by the Monarchs on the backs of some incredible play by Randy and Doe. Randy’s chip in birdie sparked this run of birdies for the Monarchs and the lead has ballooned to 4 up after hole 10)

Jim: So they would attack us?

Art: Well just you really. They can feel the foreign nature of the dreamer

(Course PA: What a shocking miss there by Doe and he’ll have to settle for par. The Strikers get one back here on 11. Wow Doe is fuming about that putt)

Art: Nicely done, but if you keep changing things…

(Golf clubs flies by Jim)

Jim: What the hell?!

Art: This is the kind of thing that will keep happening

(Jim builds a set with Scooby and Shaggy)

Art: Wait, I’ve seen this before. You’re building from memories. This is from Cyder Cup IV. You should never build from memories

(Course PA: And Randy just misses the birdie putt on 15. It would’ve been a miraculous score given the wayward drive but it was not meant to be. Monarchs still hold a 2 up lead)

(Sound of Scooby Doo theme song permeates the course)

Jim: But this was one of my favorite Cyder Cup moments

Art: Building dreams from your own memories can cause you to lose your grip on reality…the ability to differentiate between the real world and your dreams

(Course PA: Dave with a clutch birdie putt on 16 to match the Monarchs score and keep the Strikers’ dim hopes alive. The match is dormied. Monarchs up 2 with two holes remaining)

Jim: Did that happen to you?

Art: Jim, (laughs) this isn’t about me

Jim: Is this why you need me to build dreams?

(Course PA: And that will do it folks. An impressive hole really as all four of our golfers were able to make birdie on the long par 5. Monarchs take the match 2 & 1)

(David and Sean walk towards Jim and Art, grab Jim forcefully and pull him into the crowd)

Art: Leave him alone

(Press pool head Mark IGolfBad walks up to Jim and pulls out his trusty pen)

Jim: Art! Wake me up, wake me up!

(Mark kills Jim)

(Back in the trailer)

Jim: Why couldn’t I wake?

Ben SkyBlueBen: The only way to wake from inside a dream is to die

Art: He’ll need a totem…

(Art exits the trailer)

[Art Vandelay]

Dreams can come true, they can happen to you, if you're........

[SkyBlueBen]

Day 3

First set of Singles match up's announced!!

[coggin66]

IGolfBad

Mark, what was in those mushrooms you gave us at the pre-tourney, Press Pool dinner?

[IGolfBad]

Aug 10, 2022 16:57:07 GMT -5 coggin66 said:

IGolfBad

Mark, what was in those mushrooms you gave us at the pre-tourney, Press Pool dinner?

That’d be “mushrooms”, Ken

[asyoudo64]

Day 2 Match 6 Butter Balls
Herron/Anderson Vs Prowse/Tough
You're roving reporter from Tassie back at the desk, well lap actually, as I'm changing flights on my way back to God's country, Tasmania. Looking forward to a 15 degrees Celsius change in Temperature.
Anyway, Day 2 things starting to get interesting. A great match to report on between the Monarchs Leaping Leon Anderson and the silent but deadly David "The Bird" Herron and in the Blue corner, Fireman Sean Prowse and Ben "I hope there's plenty of alcohol at this wedding" Tough.

True to the name of the last member of the foursome, it was a tough start to the match, with both teams trading blows and halving the first 5 holes.
Ben was constantly checking his watch. He did have somewhere else to be. I think he thought this would be over quickly. The Monarchs players weren't having any of that.
Then the phone call that changed the match. Not only did Ben have a wedding to be at, Sean received a call out for a fire and the chopper was on its way.
The effect was immediate. The Strikers won the next 3 holes and halved the next to be 3 up after 9 holes.
Leon and the Bird were shocked. After all it was them that put the call in hoping to take Sean out of the game. There cunning plan had certainly backfired and they needed to regroup.
Unfortunately for them it was too late for a change of plan as Ben and the Fireman (chopper approaching) managed to win 2 of the next five holes and halve the other 3 to win the match 5 and 4.
Fast golf obviously working for Ben and Sean today.
Strikers win 5 and 4.

[coggin66]

Day 2 - Pairs - Better Ball Matchplay:

Charles Lindbergh & Carol Santapaula v Dave Stevenson & Pat O’Dell

JOINING ME IN THE COMMENTARY BOX TODAY …

#5 - PETER MOLLON


[The Outside]

[Max] It’s nearly noon and joining me for the next couple of hours for the Day 2 broadcasts is my guest, Siri. Hey Siri, welcome.

[Siri] Uh, huh. What can I help you with?

[Max] You can provide some insightful commentary in a minute. Viewers, now is the time to select the Day 2 match you want to watch.

.
.

[Max] Siri, please give us an overview of the players and characters in this match.

[Siri] The first half of the Red team pairing is the Fire Demon, Inflames, who is playing with her IRL character, Carol Santapaula. Carol is a retired burlesque dancer and has high Persuasion stats, which are especially useful for keeping her IRL husband under control.

[Max] And who is Inflames paired with.

[Siri] The other half of the Red pairing is Death, the star of Discworld, or simply Deathstar. Deathstar is playing with his IRL character, the reclusive Charles Lindbergh, a long-retired aviator-cum-explorer & husband to Carol, who has special force powers that allow him to tap into the dark-side to prolong his IRL life and play well at TGC.

[Max] And tell us about the Blue team.

[Siri] The first half of the Blue team pairing is the Celtic Wolfman. His IRL character is Pat O’Dell, a Celtic-loving, Scottish designer. The other player on the Blue team is Kama Sutra Dave better known as Dave69. His IRL character is David Stevenson, a Rangers-loving, Scottish banker.

[Max] That’s an interesting combination. TGC’s very own Krankies. Let’s hope they don’t spend the whole time arguing with each other over which is the better Glaswegian football team.

[Siri] With those two we might need to turn on the sub-titles too.

[Max] I see in the ID Arena that we also have a special guest joining this match.

[Siri] Yes. It’s the player with the voice of an angel, Pitch Perfect Pete. It looks like his IRL character, Peter Mollon, better known as Bogeyman, is joining the TGC commentary team.

[Max] It looks like he is the guest commentator with Richard Head. Let’s slow things down to TGC speed and get up close to the action. We’ll overlay extra information from IRL and the ID Arena as the match progresses.


[TGC Commentary Box]

Voiceover Guy:

The following broadcast is rated M. It may contain strong language and obscure Aussie references. Parental guidance is recommended.

[Intro Music plays]

RH: Welcome to our live commentary stream for Day 2 of The Brew Crew Cyder Cup VI. I'm your host Richard Head. Joining me in the commentary box today is a very special guest, Peter Mollon. Welcome Pete.

Pete: G’day Dicko. How the bl00dy hell are ya?

RH: Good thanks Pete. You’ve had some time off dealing with your issues. Still not up to playing yet?

PM: Not yet. I still can’t handle the bl00dy tempo. I figured out how to make time-reversing turnstiles but I’m buggered if I can figure out what TGC have done with their golf swing.

RH: You were captain for the Strikers for the first two Cyder Cups before your temporal breakdown.

PM: Bl00dy oath. We lost those first two but my boys in blue have done good since then.

RH: I presume you are supporting the Scottish pair today then?

PM: Reckon. I don’t understand a word those two drongos say, but they can play golf.

RH: While we’ve been talking, the two teams have reached the 4th green and it is still all square but Carol has a birdie putt to take the hole.

PM: Struth, the sheila’s put it in the hole to take the lead.

RH: Did you enjoy some of the Day 1 reports from the Press Pool?

PM: What a bunch of dags! What is wrong with a nice, simple match report? Anyone would think this is a creative writing course.

RH: Not a fan?

PM: Deadset. Why can’t we have an old-fashioned report like I used to get listening to the footy driving down to Freo in my Ford Falcon XB GT supping on me Tooheys Blue.

RH: Ford. Not Holden?

PM: Mate, I’m True Blue. Even me dog’s called Bluey. Has his own kids show.

RH: I don’t want to upset you but while we’ve been talking the two teams have reached the 7th hole and the Monarchs are now 3 Up.

PM: Crikey! Those Scottish galahs better pull their fingers out.

RH: Have you heard these rumours about The Outside?

PM: Fair dinkum. What a load of rubbish. Whoever is spreading that nonsense is a few stubbies short of a six-pack. Either that or they’ve spent too long in the outback sun drinking too much goon.

RH: The teams have reached the turn and the Monarchs are now 5 Up.

PM: The Red Team had a ripper of a front nine. I can’t see my blokes coming back from that. Pass me a coldie from that esky. It might make this a bit easier to bear.

.
.

RH: The teams have halved the last four holes and the Monarchs have reached the 14th dormie five ... and they have halved the 14th hole too, so the Monarchs have won 5&4.

PM: The crowd’s stoked with that and they’re going off. My mates on the Strikers team seem to be getting a bit aggro with each other. All I can make out is that Dave is shouting Rangers and Pat is shouting Celtic.

RH: Oh dear. They’ve given each other a Glaswegian kiss and knocked each other out.

PM: Bl00dy bogans. Well played Monarchs. Thanks for having me mate. I’m off to the barby for the rest of the arvo to sink a few tinnies. Coming with me?

RH: Thanks Pete. I might just do that. So listeners, an easy win for the Monarchs by 5&4. Till next time. Goodbye.


[The Outside]

[Max] An easy 5&4 win there for the Red team in that match.

[Siri] I’ve just had a quick interview with PitchPerfectPete and he sang to me in his dulcet tones that he was asked to influence Bogeyman to rubbish the idea of the Outside.

[Max] That makes sense. We don’t want the characters from IRL realising IRL is just a game.

[Siri] No. It might lead to the complete breakdown of the IRL universe.

[Max] Thanks Siri. Join us again viewers at 2pm for the Day 3 matches.


THE END

[inflames47]

Two very brillant and entertaining reports from Ken and Ross !!

[zooby97]

Aug 11, 2022 3:05:00 GMT -5 inflames47 said:

Two very brillant and entertaining reports from Ken and Ross !!

The matches and the reporting makes this the best time of the year.

[inflames47]

Round 2 Match 17
Jason Hansford jhandz92 /Patrick Hanningan phannigan
Ken Wize coggin66 /Art Vandelay Art Vandelay

Returning from summer camp, Jason did not get the memo about only PGA official head gear was to be worn, and he showed up on first tee with a bloody hockey mask. Apparently he had his days mixed up and was not his Friday the 13th singles match.
Not wanting his friend to feel out of place Patrick donned a #12 Patriots football helmet. When asked why he wore a Brady helmet when he is now playing for The Bucs, Pats only remark was ‘Have you ever been on a golf course with the man dressed in Gold? I am even wearing my protective Athletic Cup.
Wanting to set an example for his Strikers team, Captain Ken Wize was impeccably dressed for the event, but would that improve his golf game? ‘You know what they say’ Ken said ‘Dress for success’ These clowns in headgear are going down!

And the battle began. It was like nothing you have even seen before when the Golden boy was up. It was like a symphony when everyone in the crowd put on their sunglasses in unison to avoid the glare of his suit.

That explains the barrage of vendors out on the course selling sunglasses.
Both teams were playing extremely well, it was a ping pong front nine and looked like the back nine was win or lose for either team. Then all hell broke loose. Jason and Patrick completely dominated the back nine, Strikers Ken and Art could only managed to halve holes. Ken was heard mumbling to Art ‘That damn suit blinded me and could not see the breaks on my putts. Ken blurted out 
'I will give you $7200 bucks to toss that in the bin!!’ Art refused his offer after all  he was already Mr. 7200.

In celebration of playing a brillant round of golf, Jason finally took off his hockey mask

 After a quick look, Patrick fainted right there on the 18th green and had to be carried off the course..
Meanwhile the  crowd cheered as Art walked back into the clubhouse, finally they could take of their ZZ Top Cheap Sunglasses, oh yeah oh yeah..


Monarchs win this match 3/2

[zooby97]

Why do I get the feeling that this Cyder Cup is going to go down to the last match and the last putt to determine the winner?

[prowse00]

Day 2 - Better Ball

Bois/Sangster v Taylor/Buenger

Special person reporting for duty. Day 2 at the Belfry, here we go.

Having finally been able to catch up with Mark to discuss the mishap regarding my press pass from the previous day. Mark denied any knowledge of what might have gone wrong but the little smirk he gave, does lead me to believe it might have been an inside job.

After a continual back and forth conversation, it turns out there are no more passes available so I will just have to make do with my special badge. Mark did however generously agree to open a tab that he would pick up on Monday morning. Here’s last night's tab. I hope you don’t come to regret your generosity.


Day 2 sees me assigned to the Monarchs Dominique Bois and Les Sangster who are up against the Strikers Alan Taylor and Mark Buenger.

Being on time today I was able to catch them for a quick word while they were on the range.

“Alan, you seem to be hitting those balls with conviction, are you a little rattled by yesterday’s result where Les got the better of you, who you are up against again today?”

“No not all Sean” sharply replied Alan, “I ain’t rattled, just determined to knock that limey back into place”

“whooo calm Alan calm”

“No I will not calm down Sean. For the whole round yesterday I had Les in my ear asking if I had played his La Caldera Club, Eleven Bridges Resort or Edison Lighthouse. Every hole was a different course being sprouted out. Just look at him now” pointing to a man on a laptop sat in the corner “no doubt he’s just about to publish his 25th effing course”

“Ok, thank you Alan”

Moving on “Dominique, how do you feel about today?”

"$^&%$$£$%^&*$£""£$%^*%£"!!££%^"

Dom walks away. “Ok….in English next time please”




As the golf began, early signs that this could go down to the wire. Bird from the Monarchs, cancelled out by a bird for the Strikers. The only difference on the front 9 was from the Strikers on hole 4 who were able to capitalise on Les and Dominique poor putting. Clearly it would seem on this hole they had their minds elsewhere as they were found to be discussing the joys of planting in the course designer.

Due to the intense heatwave that the UK was experiencing, a half time refreshment break was in order. In true British style servings of G&T’s and watercress sandwiches were provided and although this was a welcomed break for the Strikers, both Dominique and Les seemed to over indulge on the Gin. So much so that a heated debate broke out. I didn’t catch actually who or why it started, but overhearing Alan remark “for fu*ksake those bleddy course designers” can only imagine it was course design related.

After the stewards were able to get the situation in hand, Les and Dom simply couldn’t get their heads back into the game. Strikers marched on taking holes 10,11 and 13 for a commanding 4 point lead which turned out to be the final score.

Consolation hole on the 18th for Les and Dom who were seen arm in arm so all well there. Both made excellent Par's, but the hole was pretty much given to them by Alan and Mark who had clearly started their celebrations early. Mark was seen funnelling gin while Alan was running around shouting "take that Limey take that"

Strikers WIN 4 & 3

[sid snott]

Late start for me , Lock in at the press bar, who can turn down a lock in.
Right time to head on out to report on my first match of Cyder 6 or was that 6 to many Cyder's I've had.
For the Monarchs we have Ashton Fox & asyoudo64 , while for Strikers it's jg24kl & Kie .
Right time to get off this bar stool were I've been for the last few days, Aw F, who put the floor there. Looks like I'll have to report off the big screen in the press bar.
Oi camera man show me the match I'm supposed to reporting on .
Oh good a quick showing of the 7th were the Monarchs go one up , right let's fellow the rest of the rd. Nope.
And we're back on the 12th as the Strikers pull it back and it looks as if we're going to follow the match to the end as their covering the 13th as well which the Strikers win.
Showing bits of other matches until the players hit the 15th which the Monarch's take. Now their showing play on the 18th, this will decide the match and the Strikers take the match 1 up.
Hopefully I'll be able to get up off the floor to follow the other 2nd rd match as it happens on foot. Oh my head,

[sid snott]

Managed to get off the floor and get out on the course for this match. The sun's burning my eyes, where's my sunglasses?
As this was better ball, someone came up with the idea of having a drink forfeit if you lost the hole. The two Strikers up with milk and achcol because cappy1 used to be the fastest Milkman back in the day and CF said just give me achcol. That should make them Feelgood said our Brew Crew Doctors.
The Monarchs Doe Coba went a local brew of Carlsberg special brew while Crazy Croc went for a apple juice by the name of Sxollie brewed by his Granny Smith.
The first two holes were shared and on the third hole the Strikers got their first taste of their achcolic milkshake, they wasn't to impressed, we wasn't told that they were going to mixed together. Come on boys, down the whole pint. I had a quick swig and immediately spat it out and found some water to take the taste away.
From the next six holes the teams kept sipping water until the Strikers pair slipped up on the 11th and had another milkshake which was beginning to turn in the heat.
On the 12th it was the Monarchs turn to drink beer and cider, at least it tasted better as I managed to drink mine.
Then on the unlucky 13th the Strikers got another dose of their curding concoction and again on the 17th hole it was looking and smelling pretty foul. It was at this time the Strikers pair changed their kit from Blue to Green.
Monarchs win 3&1

[IGolfBad]

Day 1 - Ross Nixon/Johnny Onions vs Eric Beaudry/Ernie Copage

The scene: The Press Pool Gathering Tent/Pub

Lawrence sits behind his mahogany and gold executive desk, chain smoking candy cigarettes and pounding loudly on his desk.

"I swear to Christ on a shingle, if Bradford doesn't get his Day 1 report in my hands before the sun sets, I swear by the ghost of Soupy Sales, I will wring his scrawny neck until the swallows return to Capistrano."




As if called from the ether, a very drunk and bedraggled Paul crumples his way through the door.

"Ize gots ish, bosh, I gosh the shcoors for the golfshh..." >vomit<

Lawrence gazes upon the shell of Bradford, not the least bit surprised, for this is a very common sight.

"Well? What's your excuse this time?"

>cough< >vomit< "Shir... ish wash Johnny Onyernsh... I shaw his bollockshhhh..." >drool<

Mark grabs a bucket of ice water from the bar and proceeds to douse Paul. "Snap out of it, fool! Give me all the dirt!"

Paul shakes himself off, wipes his mouth and eyes, and regains a little bit of composure.

"I said I saw Johnny's bollocks, sir...

The anger melts from Mark's visage. "What on earth do you mean you saw his bollocks... are you saying..." He trails off, his face suddenly looking serious.

That's right. Johnny played his round in the buff. Nary a stitch to be seen save for his golf spikes and a black leather glove. That's it. Rod and tackle out in the open for everyone to see."



Mark is now incredulous at what he's hearing. "You mean you could see The Ambassador?"

"That's right, Mark. The Arbor Vitae was in full bloom. The Bald-Pate Friar was present and accounted for. The Best Leg of Three in plain sight, the Buttonhole Worker in full swing."

Slack jawed, Mark was still in disbelief. "You mean to say his Candystick was in the Christmas Tree, his credentials were in order, and dingwallace was in place?"

"Right again. The gentleman usher was helping folks find their seats, the gospel-pipe was playing its tune, and his jumble-giblets were airing themselves out."

Mark was running out of patience. "What about the match? Did they actually play any golf?"

Paul brightened up. "Oh, yes! Yes they did, and it was a magnificent show if you ever saw one! A nip tuck affair that found the teams all even after 17 holes. It all came down to the 18th where, as Johnny was squatting to line up his putt, his bollocks contacted the green with such force that a clear dimple was formed on the smooth surface, right in Ernie's putt line. Well, sure as you know, Johnny easily made his putt, for eagle no less, while Ernie's ball found the unfortunate bump in the road, and he had to settle for an untimely 3 putt for bogey.



"Johnny took a bow, giving the gallery a clear view of his 'road-to-nowhere', then ran off into the bushes, shouting something about his 'niece' from a few Cyder Cups back, and was gone for good. It was then that I blacked out, and the next thing I know, here I am." 

Mark shook his head. "Mary Jo on a popsicle, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You're making it up, aren't you?"

Paul's eyes glazed over, and he nodded. "Yes. Yes I did. In all honesty, I slept through the match." 

Mark shook his head again. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I have little say in the matter than to fabricate an outcome. Those blue boys won't like it, but chance outcomes are chance outcomes. Here goes nothing."

Monarchs win 1 up.