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Post by Harveydog500 on Mar 14, 2022 13:16:00 GMT -5
Day 1 Match 3 –Monarchs Carol SantaPAULa (love that last name but don’t know why) /Konsta Kokkonen (pronounced “Palo”) vs. Strikers David “The Banker” Stevenson/ CF “Goodrich” Gibson
This will be brief-- a CliffsNotes version. To non-Americans wondering what CliffsNotes are: they are short summaries of literary works for the non-reading, idiot American. No text walls (“too…many… WORDS!!!!”). Just a tool to help you understand today’s match…   Summary: Tough course. Lots of crying. It was a long round for Carol who had to keep stopping mid-play to answer multiple calls from Charlie, who desperately needed instructions on how to make toast. But she stayed bogey-free and even got an eagle! Speaking of eagles, CF got two of those bad boys (Holes 2 and 5). That’s impressive considering he was trying to push a set of whitewalls on me between holes. At the end of the 11th hole, David finally put down his haggis and made 6 birdies in the last 7 holes which helped seal the deal for the Strikers. Upon finishing the 18th, Palo took off his blindfold, looked at the scorecard, and exclaimed “Only 12 under?!?!?? I suck!”
Strikers Win 3&1
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Post by cappy1 on Mar 14, 2022 15:24:21 GMT -5
I am running late with my first round score as Sawgrass has got my attention on the telly.
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Post by SkyBlueBen on Mar 14, 2022 15:44:38 GMT -5
I am running late with my first round score as Sawgrass has got my attention on the telly. As you are a Striker Ernie we can give you special dispensation  |
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Post by coggin66 on Mar 14, 2022 16:58:53 GMT -5
Day 1 - Pairs - Total Score Matchplay
Daniel Oram & Leon Anderson vs Ken Lokosky & Sean Prowse
KEEP IT BRIEF
Scene 1: Press Pool Offices
Mark Lawrence sits in his big executive chair in the Press Pool offices before the start of the Cyder Cup. Mark "Ken, get in my office now.” I enter with a little trepidation and sit on the little chair opposite him. Mark "Look at this feedback on your press reports from the last Cyder Cup: "What the hell was Golflog about?" - Lyn Earplots "Am I the only one that didn’t have some funky time with Snow White?" - Richard Head "Why didn't I get to meet Snow White's horse" - Isla Vorsechs "Your reviews were too long" Mark Lawrence. Ken: "Hey. That last one was from you!" Mark: "Yes. No novellas this time. Are we going to get any more of Coggin's Crack plots?" Ken: "Probably not." Mark: "Good. Keep the reviews brief this time." Ken: "OK Boss. I hear Snow White is not the MC for this Cyder Cup." Mark: "Correct. She got dropped as the Dickens Cyder ambassador. On her way home from the last Cyder Cup, the cops pulled her over on her horse and she blew a blood alcohol reading of 2.1. To make matters worse, she also offered to blow the patrolman too. The subsequent headline read: “SNOW WHITE BANNED FROM RIDING AFTER HAVING TOO MUCH DICKENS CYDER” Dickens Cyder are fine with drunk driving on the golf course but not on the road. They had no choice but to drop her." Ken: "But aren’t you also the head of Dickens Cyder?" Mark: "I sure am." Ken: "So who is your new brand representative & MC for this Cyder Cup? I heard Pinocchio was in the running" Mark: "He was until he got caught on tape with Snow White sitting on his face shouting "Lie, truth, lie, truth, lie …" Ken: "So who did you get?" Mark: "We managed to get Elsa from Frozen. Our new byline is: "Nothing gives the Snow Queen that magical feeling like an icy cold Dickens Cyder”. So I want the press pool to include lots of mention of Elsa and to insert their Dickens Cyder references wherever possible. Now get out there and start reporting." I get up and leave for the course. Scene 2: Press Pool Offices - At the end of Day 1
I sit at my computer, wondering what to write. Ken (muttering to himself) "Right. That match was Daniel Oram and Leon Anderson vs Ken Lokosky and Sean Prowse. The boss wanted me to keep the reviews shorter. Mmm. Got it" I type away for two minutes and then post my review. Scene 3: Press Pool Offices - A few minutes later
Mark comes to his office door and shouts at me Mark: "That’s too bl00dy short. Try harder next time." The Report
The Monarchs are dormie 3 on the 16th. There are some people on the course. They think it's all over. It is now. The Monarchs win 4 & 2. No plagiarism there. 
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Post by thetaffman on Mar 14, 2022 18:19:57 GMT -5
Pfft.. Is all i can say for R1...
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Post by cappy1 on Mar 14, 2022 18:52:07 GMT -5
I am running late with my first round score as Sawgrass has got my attention on the telly. As you are a Striker Ernie we can give you special dispensation  Thankyou Royal Poobah just completed Rd1. Or as they say in the hood "SBB". SkyBlueBen |
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Post by Art Vandelay on Mar 14, 2022 19:58:44 GMT -5
Well I was in the pool.... |
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Post by mbuenger on Mar 14, 2022 21:32:56 GMT -5
Hello Friends, Jim Nance here bringing you live coverage of the fifth iteration of the Cyder Cup powered by Dickens Cider. Today we have footage from Day 1 Match 7 where we see the Brew Crew’s favorite Sith Lord deathstar and his new apprentice Crazy Croc of the Monarchs match up with everyone’s favorite Aussie Jedi Avakrac and Padawan Kie of the Strikers. Now you may be thinking, Jim didn’t you use that opening before? Well folks, yes, mostly but I can only bring you coverage of the matches my producer tells me to cover. I think secretly he was hoping I would bring back Jar Jar but with a wide array of characters to choose from, why would I bring back that lunatic? Sure the ratings were wild but I’m not doing it. And so, without further adieu, and ignoring the fake news of keeping posts shorter, I’d like to introduce our guests for today’s match, the Mandalorian and The Child. Welcome in guys Mandalorian: Pleasure to be here Jim, this is the way Jim: Well let’s get out to the course shall we? Folks play has already begun and we’re of to a close start with the match AS after 4 holes and wait, what’s he doing? Mandalorian: Oh, he’s actually obsessed with round objects so he’s trying to pull Charlie’s ball off the green. He hasn’t been fully trained yet which is probably why he couldn’t prevent the eagle there Jim: Well it could be because he is stronger in the force after all he is a Sith Lord Mandalorian: Could be Jim. This is the way. Jim: Why is he still doing that? Mandalorian: I don’t know Jim, he’s a kid Jim: If anything it would appear he’s helping the Monarchs win the match. They’ve won 5 of the last 6 holes and have taken a commanding lead just into the back 9. Boy the Monarch pairing is just piling on here Mandalorian: One must fall before they can rise up Jim, this is the way Jim: What have we here, a little run by the Strikers? Maybe they can climb back in this yet. What’s he doing now? Mandalorian: Same thing Jim, he just switched from trying to stop Charlie and Marc to trying to help the Striker’s balls go in. He’s not particularly fond of Empire folk with good reason. This is the way. Jim: Well it seems to have worked for the last two holes but I think Charlie is on to him as the Monarchs are threatening to put an end to this quickly. Let me ask you something, why do you keep the helmet on all the time? Mandalorian: This is the way Jim: What exactly does that mean? Mandalorian: It means this is the way. Jim: Well thanks for that explanation, anyway, that’s going to do it for the match as Marc and Charlie both tap in for birdie, despite Grogu’s best efforts, to claim the match for the Monarchs 5 & 4. Any last words Mandalorian? Mandalorian: This is the… Jim: Anything other than that? Mandalorian: A good friend of mine once said, I have spoken. Jim: Well folks, that’s going to do it for Match 7, hopefully you’ll join us tomorrow for Day 2 coverage of what will hopefully be a more entertaining match. Until then, this is Jim Nance signing off, so long  |
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Post by IGolfBad on Mar 14, 2022 23:33:35 GMT -5
Day 1, Match 2 starring Lucas "Free Man in Paris" Bombardier and Jeff "My Whole Life is a Sham" Wildridge of the Monarchs ( InThisStyle hoosierhoops24 ) vs Mike "Beds are Burning" Georgiades and Pat "Right Down the Line" O'Dell of the Strikers ( katana22 Celtic Wolf ) in an exciting pairs combined-score match-play sing-along. We find ourselves in the Pacific coastal village of Scottsdale, Arizona, home to geological confusion. Having been to Scottsdale many times as a youngster visiting the grandparents, you can imagine my surprise to find the desert had been replaced by ocean. But then, who am I to question the TCGT admins and their decision making processes in naming these events, eh? On with the festivities at hand! The match started out tightly with all contestants taking par and birdie on the first two holes respectively to keep things square. It was on the short par 4 #3 where things got interesting. as Lucas, Jeff, and Pat all took routine birdies, Mike spoke up with, "Oy! That's not a droivah! THIS is a droivah!" and proceeded to fly the green. "Well isn't that a swat in th' wallaby?" and proceeded to splash in a 20 yarder to card eagle, and give the Strikers an early 1-up lead. Immediately, Mike swatted this reporter on the back of the head with the driver, shouting "stop making fun of my accent!" Woozy from the miracle eagle, the teams halved #4 before Lucas started crooning Triumph's "Fight the Good Fight" along side Jeff singing Janis Joplin's "Piece of My Heart", all the while posting matching eagles on #5 to draw the match even once more. It was not without irony that the two immediately began singing "New Kid in Town" before the Cup marshal reminded them that neither of them were from California, and that all singing would have to be of songs from their native regions, warning them that further infractions would cost the team a hole. The Strikers would regain the lead on the par 3 #7 when Jeff went off the range with "Corporate Welfare Whores" by Austin's own Yuppie Pricks. It was then that the marshal docked Jeff a stroke, giving him bogey for the hole and putting the Strikers 1-up because of the infraction. Fearing further musical harshness from The Man, the teams buttoned things down, played close to the vest, and halved the next six holes, quietly humming nonsensical passages that were nothing if not inoffensive. It was on the par 4 #14 that the Monarchs pulled out the stops, Lucas belting out the entire first side of Rush's "2112" while Jeff pulled out his guitar and did an acoustic version of Eric Johnson's "Cliffs of Dover". The Strikers countered as Pat screeched The Bay City Rollers' "Saturday Night" and Mike gave his best rendition of INXS' "Need You Tonight". Canada and Austin, Tx would win the showdown with both golfers carding birdie to the Strikers' pars, drawing the match even once more. But on the par 3 15th, Mike played his trump card, giving a soulful rendition of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" while Jeff pulled out Spoon's "The Way We Get By". Of course, nobody in attendance had any idea who Spoon is, and Mike's lone birdie staked the Strikers to a 1-up lead with 3 holes to play. It was evident that the fat lady was warming up. Both teams rested their voices for the final push, squaring the 16th. On the now fateful 17th, Jeff gave it one last effort, and strained out "Midnight Voyage" by Ghostland Observatory. Clearly affected by the boos from the gallery, as none of them had ever heard this obscure tune, Jeff 3-putted his way to bogey, while the other three players hummed their way to par. Not even Lucas giving a stirring rendition of Bryan Adam's "Summer of '69" could yield success, and the match was decided. Walking off the 17th green, Mike and Pat could be heard whistling the Australian and Scottish national anthems respectively. Continuing to be confused, the gallery dispersed, quietly wondering what the hell had they just watched, and were equally confused at Arizona being a coastal state. Not even this well educated reporter has a clue to that one. Strikers win 2&1. |
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Post by Art Vandelay on Mar 15, 2022 0:04:12 GMT -5
Cup knotted at 3, thrilling stuff! For the reporters  |
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Post by sid snott on Mar 15, 2022 2:21:33 GMT -5
Day 1 match 9 Paul 'Taff' Davies & Patrick ' Match box ' Hannigan for the Monarchs vs Ernie 'The Milkman' Copage & Tim 'Nice, but Dim' Brantford
As Mark L had got me shacked up with Scary Mary while I was drunk I brought her along as she said that I never take her out, if you saw her you'll understand.
I had hoped that she'd stay in the clubhouse toilets so no one would see her , but she insisted on coming round with me while reporting
The Monarchs started off well going up by 4 at the sixth, but the Strikers pulled back 5 to go 1 up on the 13th. It was at this point that Scary tried to drag me into the bushes for a quicky but I'd forgotten to bring the paper bags, so I got away with that one .
Back to the matter in hand. So far the match has been like a big see- saw and there's still more to come, with the Monarch pairing then taking the next 3 out of 4 holes to put the match just out of reach for Strikers, although they did take the last hole
Monarchs win 2&1
Scary wandered off to find herself a real man as she put it , but I doubt anyone is that sick 🤢🤮
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Post by SkyBlueBen on Mar 15, 2022 4:15:44 GMT -5
Ben Tough, Sports journalist from The Daily Striker (in no way, shape or form associated with the Strongbow Strikers Cyder Cup team which share a similarity in the name only) reporting from Northern Lights. Day 1, Match 8Found myself on the 1st tee very impressed with the Strikers pairing of Martin Mart_1980 and Paul Harveydog500 who arrived looking like the Royalty they are in their stunning blue Strikers attire. About 10 minutes late Kenny Everett wannabee Paul sid snott and the failed auditionee for the 5th Musketeer Dom Doume6307 dragged themselves to the tee dressed in faded red t-shirts and jeans picked up from the local second hand shop after Monarchs vice captains Ross asyoudo64 and Carol inflames47 left the organising of the kit supply to each other. Too many cooks eh? The crowd was all blue and the general feeling was "anyone but The Monarchs". The golf? Well, my real job is reporting on the footie but hey, here goes. The Strikers were so busy giving autographs and kisses to the pretty girls in the crowd they hardly noticed the Monarchs rabble hack and slice their way into a 3 shot lead. Holes 4 and 5 were split and then the magnificent Martin and Paul got stuck in their game with some sublime touches to bring things level at half time. Martin and Paul being the gentlemen that they are decided to give the little Monarch beggars a chance so they eased up, drank a few Pimms and let Kenny and D'Artagnan get their noses in front to save them from a veritable tongue lashing from the Monarch's Captain Ashton Ashton Fox At the 13th the Monarchs were back with a 3 shot lead graciously given to them by the Strikers. Time for a bit of Strikers magic as Paul superbly chipped in on the 14th and the fan's favourites held their nerve to cut the deficit to 1 on the 15th. Lucky birdies by Paul and Dom on the next 2 holes left the Strikers pair needing to win the 18th for a tie. Wasn't to be as Paul's pitch bounced off Ashton's arse from the fringe and rolled gently into the cup for a birdie to secure the win. Despite the Strikers protests the shot stood. Where's VAR when you need it? I can only think the money saved on the uniform was used to bung the officials. Monarchs win 2 Up
I approached the Monarch's Captain Ashton for his comments but wasn't really interested in what he said and forgot to write it down. I spoke with Captain Ken coggin66 of The People's Team, the Strikers. "I thought our play more than deserved to gain the point, the Monarchs were never really in it and they've got away with that one simply through dodgy officiating" I have to say I concur with Ken's comments. A totally undeserved victory for the Monarchs.  |
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Post by coggin66 on Mar 15, 2022 4:39:13 GMT -5
SkyBlueBenGood to see some genuine, unbiassed reporting from the Press Pool!
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Post by TimB on Mar 15, 2022 4:45:25 GMT -5
Tim 'Nice, but Dim' Brantford  lol |
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Post by SkyBlueBen on Mar 15, 2022 4:58:34 GMT -5
Tim 'Nice, but Dim' Brantford It's a UK comedy character. Here you are in action Tim.... |
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