Post by hmammoth on Oct 1, 2023 8:25:51 GMT -5
Well, hello there, welcome back to the Kinetic tour for a new season. I hope you all enjoyed your break and like me, spent a little bit of time on your Caribbean Island, just relaxing and taking it easy between jet-setting around the world for parties held by the rich and the beautiful. But time to put that lifestyle away for a little while and get back to golfing. While I was away, my staff have been working very hard in the background to bring you a selection of golf courses to enjoy, to challenge to bring your competitive side to the fore. Well, they better have or heads will roll, so lets see what they have come up with for week 1.
Cypria by nogoal05 is the course chosen to open the season and what a very apt course to begin the season with. As you may or may not know, Cypria is the lost epic poem that tells the story about the origins of the Trojan Wars, only 50 lines or so of the poem are known and these are based of quotes rather than a copy of the poem itself. I said to myself, that is not good enough for my Kinetic players, they deserve to know the full story of Cypria, so using funds donated by your guys to tgctours, I hired a team of historians and adventures to find a copy of the original poem so I could share the story with you and when they finally delivered, I could not believe my eyes that the origins of the Trojan Wars were golf related and are actually to origins of the Ryder Cup as well. What a coincidence with the week that is in it. Who would have thought on Ryder Cup weekend, that I would discover its true beginning. If you guys did not know me so well, you would swear I am making all this up.
The origins of this legendary tournament, which would one day be known as the Ryder Cup, began during the fabled Trojan Wars. You see, the Trojans who were from a faraway land called, America, they were called the Trojans because of the many school sports teams that were sponsored by Trojan condoms. The Trojans were famous for their love of both golf and elaborate trick shots, and they had a mighty champion named Achilles. Achilles was said to have a swing so powerful that his drives could reach the other side of the golf course in a single stroke. His short game was equally legendary, with a putting stroke so accurate that he could sink a 50-foot putt blindfolded while riding a chariot.
Now, the Greeks who had recently joined the European Union of ancient civilisations were no slouches on the golf course either. They had their own champion, Odysseus, known for his cunning strategies and impeccable aim. The Greeks and Trojans were fierce rivals on the golf course, and their battles on the golf course became so fierce and heated, the golf commentators of the day started calling them the Trojan wars. As the Trojan Wars raged on, the leaders of both sides realized that the endless golf battles were getting out of hand. The fairways were torn up, the bunkers were filled with arrows, and the greens were littered with divots the size of chariot wheels.
As time went on, the kings of both sides decided that this could not continue, the cost of repairing the golf courses would soon bankrupt both factions. So they decided on a once of golf tournament to decide which faction really had the best golfers. Both sides wanted to host the tournament and it looked like the wars would continue in definitely until a explorer by the name of Samuel Ryder discovered a island exactly half way between America and Europe, the Island which he called Cypria just happened to have a pristine unused golf course right in the middle. So it was decided to have one final tournament to finally decide which side was the best at golf.
The Battle of Cypria went on for years with no side able to out score the other. One night, as they huddled in their clubhouse, Achilles and his fellow Trojan golfers devised a cunning plan. The Trojans spent weeks crafting a colossal wooden golf club, hollowed out to conceal their best golfers within. They called it the "Trojan Driver." Their plan was to leave it near the 18th hole at as a gift to the Greeks, hoping it would give them an edge in the final day of play. When the Greeks discovered the Trojan Driver, they were baffled but intrigued. They marveled at its craftsmanship and couldn't resist the temptation to try it out. Little did they know that hidden within the hollowed club head were Achilles and his elite team of Trojan golfers, ready to burst forth and take the Greeks by surprise.
The final day of the tournament arrived, and both teams were neck and neck as they reached the 18th hole. The tension was palpable as Odysseus prepared for his crucial putt to seal victory for the Greeks. Just as Odysseus lined up his putt, the Trojan Driver hidden in plain sight near the green began to creak and groan. Outburst Achilles and his comrades, swinging their clubs with all their might. It was an unexpected golfing ambush, and all hell broke loose. Odysseus called Achilles a f***ing cheat for crossing his putting line. Odysseus swung at Achilles with his blade putter, slashing him on the back of his ankle. Achillies fell to the ground screaming that he does not get paid enough for this, in fact he did not get paid at all and deserved compensation and he would not wear his helmet anymore until he got paid. The blonde wives(led by Helen) of the Trojans started hurling abuse at the dark-haired Greek wives which soon led to an all-out wife brawl.
Samuel Ryder was disgusted by all this and called for a ceasefire. He then proposed to limit the battle to once two years, alternating between America and Europe. Because both factions were nearly bankrupt from the costs, they agreed and hence the Ryder cup was born.
Today sees golf return to Cypria for that first time since the first Trojan war and it is with great pleasure that it is the kinetic players that bring the sport back to this famous course. So do your country proud, good luck and have fun.
Cypria by nogoal05 is the course chosen to open the season and what a very apt course to begin the season with. As you may or may not know, Cypria is the lost epic poem that tells the story about the origins of the Trojan Wars, only 50 lines or so of the poem are known and these are based of quotes rather than a copy of the poem itself. I said to myself, that is not good enough for my Kinetic players, they deserve to know the full story of Cypria, so using funds donated by your guys to tgctours, I hired a team of historians and adventures to find a copy of the original poem so I could share the story with you and when they finally delivered, I could not believe my eyes that the origins of the Trojan Wars were golf related and are actually to origins of the Ryder Cup as well. What a coincidence with the week that is in it. Who would have thought on Ryder Cup weekend, that I would discover its true beginning. If you guys did not know me so well, you would swear I am making all this up.
The origins of this legendary tournament, which would one day be known as the Ryder Cup, began during the fabled Trojan Wars. You see, the Trojans who were from a faraway land called, America, they were called the Trojans because of the many school sports teams that were sponsored by Trojan condoms. The Trojans were famous for their love of both golf and elaborate trick shots, and they had a mighty champion named Achilles. Achilles was said to have a swing so powerful that his drives could reach the other side of the golf course in a single stroke. His short game was equally legendary, with a putting stroke so accurate that he could sink a 50-foot putt blindfolded while riding a chariot.
Now, the Greeks who had recently joined the European Union of ancient civilisations were no slouches on the golf course either. They had their own champion, Odysseus, known for his cunning strategies and impeccable aim. The Greeks and Trojans were fierce rivals on the golf course, and their battles on the golf course became so fierce and heated, the golf commentators of the day started calling them the Trojan wars. As the Trojan Wars raged on, the leaders of both sides realized that the endless golf battles were getting out of hand. The fairways were torn up, the bunkers were filled with arrows, and the greens were littered with divots the size of chariot wheels.
As time went on, the kings of both sides decided that this could not continue, the cost of repairing the golf courses would soon bankrupt both factions. So they decided on a once of golf tournament to decide which faction really had the best golfers. Both sides wanted to host the tournament and it looked like the wars would continue in definitely until a explorer by the name of Samuel Ryder discovered a island exactly half way between America and Europe, the Island which he called Cypria just happened to have a pristine unused golf course right in the middle. So it was decided to have one final tournament to finally decide which side was the best at golf.
The Battle of Cypria went on for years with no side able to out score the other. One night, as they huddled in their clubhouse, Achilles and his fellow Trojan golfers devised a cunning plan. The Trojans spent weeks crafting a colossal wooden golf club, hollowed out to conceal their best golfers within. They called it the "Trojan Driver." Their plan was to leave it near the 18th hole at as a gift to the Greeks, hoping it would give them an edge in the final day of play. When the Greeks discovered the Trojan Driver, they were baffled but intrigued. They marveled at its craftsmanship and couldn't resist the temptation to try it out. Little did they know that hidden within the hollowed club head were Achilles and his elite team of Trojan golfers, ready to burst forth and take the Greeks by surprise.
The final day of the tournament arrived, and both teams were neck and neck as they reached the 18th hole. The tension was palpable as Odysseus prepared for his crucial putt to seal victory for the Greeks. Just as Odysseus lined up his putt, the Trojan Driver hidden in plain sight near the green began to creak and groan. Outburst Achilles and his comrades, swinging their clubs with all their might. It was an unexpected golfing ambush, and all hell broke loose. Odysseus called Achilles a f***ing cheat for crossing his putting line. Odysseus swung at Achilles with his blade putter, slashing him on the back of his ankle. Achillies fell to the ground screaming that he does not get paid enough for this, in fact he did not get paid at all and deserved compensation and he would not wear his helmet anymore until he got paid. The blonde wives(led by Helen) of the Trojans started hurling abuse at the dark-haired Greek wives which soon led to an all-out wife brawl.
Samuel Ryder was disgusted by all this and called for a ceasefire. He then proposed to limit the battle to once two years, alternating between America and Europe. Because both factions were nearly bankrupt from the costs, they agreed and hence the Ryder cup was born.
Today sees golf return to Cypria for that first time since the first Trojan war and it is with great pleasure that it is the kinetic players that bring the sport back to this famous course. So do your country proud, good luck and have fun.
