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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 8:44:08 GMT -5
I shared this story with Terry Grayson over the phone, but he said I had permission to share it here, too. This man, albeit one of my best friends here, has absolutely ruined me! So, I'm traveling for work up in Connecticut, hitting the road from my hotel rather early and needing a coffee, in a bad way! I pull off the highway into one of the little service stops that has an area to pump gas, and then a little building with a convenience store and Dunkin Donuts inside. I stop my car at the gas pump, fill it up, and then walk inside to get a Dunkin coffee, which took maybe... MAYBE... all of a couple minutes. When I came back out to get in my car, there was a woman parked behind me, looking a bit annoyed. I didn't pay her much mind, just unlocked my car, and continued toward my door to get in. Just before I pull the handle, she says: "you know, if you're going to go inside to get things, you really shouldn't leave your car here at the gas pump." Although I admit I was tired and it was early, which played a part in what followed, I have no doubt that I wouldn't normally have a "head voice" thinking bad things like I did that day. I stopped from getting in my car, turned to look at her, and without skipping a beat I said, "well, that would be cool if I cared." She gave me a look as if I had just farted on her first born, and she sort of snorted with disgust, as I finished opening my door and getting in my car. I didn't say another word, I just drove away. My point had been clearly made! LMAO Terry, I used to be so nice! You have ABSOLUTELY ruined me!
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Post by Terry Grayson on Dec 6, 2019 8:54:01 GMT -5
ROFLMAO!!!!
Reminds me of a story: (I have numerous, but Ill share this one)
I go to the local Arbys about once a week for lunch, there is a young lady that takes the orders, kinda talks with a lisp, calls me Mr. Terry and just sits and stares while you are trying to eat your cheese sticks...
She will even come from behind the counter, come to your table and ask " How was your sandwich" in that lispy tone... Well one day I was a bit aggravated at work, I just wanted to order, sit down eat my sammich, and leave, well here she comes.... Around the counter and is standing there at my table kinda just standing there...
I finally look up at her, and she says "Well Mr. Terry, How was your sandwich" and without skipping a beat I followed her inquiry with
"Ah It'll make a turd"
She locked up in third gear for a few moments, called me silly and walked away.. I felt bad for a minute or two but saw her giggling, so I guess I didn't offend her too much
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Ill have to dig up and find my "Lawnmower and Ether Story" here soon.... Ill never forget that one redneck stuff at its finest
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Post by Terry Grayson on Dec 6, 2019 9:01:48 GMT -5
I found my Lawnmower and Ether Story....... Set the stage: I was born and raised in the city, I had never even heard of what happens in this story... ( I had an evil mower that I worked on all the time, well the tire was flat one summer day back in 2011 and the story below is what happened) Many of you remember the devil mower I had. The belts tried to eat my hand once , it never would crank on its on so I would have to jump it off .. Well a few summers ago I went out to jump it off noticed a tire was flat. I had no way to pump up said tire so I loaded it on the truck and headed to the shop a tenth of a mile up the road . I asked " bubba" ( that's what I'll call him) can you pump up this tire ?
Bubba was a nice fella long white hair and a beard would do anything for you. He sat and stared at my riding mower on back of the truck for a minute and then said " lemme find my ether "... I'm a city boy so I have no clue what he's talking about ... I take off the most favorite pair of sunglasses I've ever had and put them on mower seat ... He comes walking out with this can of ether and hollers at "junior" ( I'll call him that)He was grease covered hard working younger fella with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth ... He tells junior to "brang the air hose" I still have no clue what's happening
Bubba then says some words I shall never forget . !!!!!!
" Junior when I say now ,throw the air to it" he proceeds to start spraying this ether into the flattened tire . I mean half a can it seems ... I'm still wondering " what in the world " he reaches inside his shirt pocket and pulls out a cigarette lighter and at this moment I almost start to understand what's going on but I ain't smart enough to " back up" cause I still ain't sure ... He leans in close to this mower tire so I lean in cause I'm still too stupid to " understand the magnitude of what's happening " he yells the following that I also will never forget " " AIGHT JUNIOR THROW THE AIR TO IT" as junior puts the air tool to my tire bubba lights the lighter ...the subsequent explosion blinded me as if I was staring directly at a sun eclipse that you aren't supposed to look at ...
My mower jumped up off the back of my truck at least three feet ... The shock waves blow my eyebrows backwards and my favorite pair of sunglasses I have ever owned absolutely disintegrated . I never found a single piece of them anywhere and trust me I looked everywhere ... Once the initial shock and awe of mowergeddon wore off I looked over at bubba and I kid you not the right side of his head and beard is on fire .. I was still so ridden with terror all I could do was point at him... He starts beating himself in the head and I'm just standing their with complete fright not knowing what's next ...
Once the fire is out all I could do was stand there looking at him , and after all that we went through surviving the Grayson homemade albeit accidental IED , all I could say was the following " WHAT DO I OWE YOU" he stared at me for a second and said " well nothing I don't guess" I still have yet to look at mower but when I did the tire was completely filled ... It worked yet both of us had shaved a couple years off our respective lives ... As a matter of fact that tire never again went flat .... I ended up selling this death trap to a neighbor who I understand got it running again somehow ... He is much braver than me ha ha ... Sadly bubba died way too soon with a heart attack a few years ago so this story will always be my homage to him... Nice nice man .... Still I've always wondered what exactly happened to my sunglasses ....
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 9:10:22 GMT -5
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Post by meyo on Dec 6, 2019 9:47:32 GMT -5
Since we are sharing people are annoying stories, here's mine:
I used to work as a tech at a Honda dealer in Montreal and one day I was summoned to road test with a well known female client who was lets just say a real B***ch. All thru the drive I had to endure her complaining about the car and the service until I had had enough when she started yelling at me so I pulled to the side, parked the car, got out and started walking the 15 minute walk back to the shop without saying a word to her. The foreman saw me walking in and asked where the car is which I replied, on Beaver Hall below Sherbrooke (downtown Montreal), he looked confused and I explained what happened thinking I was about to lose my job but all he did was start laughing and said he would have done the same thing. Client never came back again...
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Post by DrnkNdKnwThngs on Dec 6, 2019 10:28:06 GMT -5
LMAO right now at all of you...
These kinda remind me of the time when I was working at Burger King in high school, and a dude came up, clearly aggitated, and started yelling at me (in the back) for putting mustard on his kid's cheesburger when he had "CLEARLY ordered it WITHOUT mustard"...I proceeded to ignore him until the point when he tossed the unwrapped burger over the counter and into the fry bin (contaminating the fries, which need to be discarded). As I picked the burger up from the fry bin and casually wandered around the work stations towards this "fella", I clearly heard my manager saying "Mike, don't..."
As the burger flew from my hand into his face, I yelled some appropriate profanities at the guy, removed my apron and handed it to my manager and told him that Burger King was not for me...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 10:48:09 GMT -5
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Post by CuseHokie on Dec 6, 2019 11:16:34 GMT -5
I shared this story with Terry Grayson over the phone, but he said I had permission to share it here, too. This man, albeit one of my best friends here, has absolutely ruined me! So, I'm traveling for work up in Connecticut, hitting the road from my hotel rather early and needing a coffee, in a bad way! I pull off the highway into one of the little service stops that has an area to pump gas, and then a little building with a convenience store and Dunkin Donuts inside. I stop my car at the gas pump, fill it up, and then walk inside to get a Dunkin coffee, which took maybe... MAYBE... all of a couple minutes. When I came back out to get in my car, there was a woman parked behind me, looking a bit annoyed. I didn't pay her much mind, just unlocked my car, and continued toward my door to get in. Just before I pull the handle, she says: "you know, if you're going to go inside to get things, you really shouldn't leave your car here at the gas pump." Although I admit I was tired and it was early, which played a part in what followed, I have no doubt that I wouldn't normally have a "head voice" thinking bad things like I did that day. I stopped from getting in my car, turned to look at her, and without skipping a beat I said, "well, that would be cool if I cared." She gave me a look as if I had just farted on her first born, and she sort of snorted with disgust, as I finished opening my door and getting in my car. I didn't say another word, I just drove away. My point had been clearly made! LMAO Terry, I used to be so nice! You have ABSOLUTELY ruined me! You weren’t on the Merritt by chance? Disaster trying to park there. But the Tesla’s have 5 spots.
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Post by GW_Hope on Dec 6, 2019 22:03:51 GMT -5
I worked at a lumberyard while in college and at the end of the day we had to restack all the lumber to look like a fresh bundle of wood. A contractor who thinks he own the place shows up 5 minutes before we close and he is tossing boards all over the place looking for straight boards. One of my coworkers, a college football linebacker walks up to the asswipe as he’s getting into his truck and says “ Hey @!$#stick, there is no way you are leaving this yard until you restack those boards, I watched that grown man cower and then proceed to stack those boards for the next half hour while we all collected overtime. It was classic!
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Post by Irving R. Levine on Dec 14, 2019 22:21:18 GMT -5
Well, if we're going to share stories, I might as well share mine with you.
I was standing inside this brothel in Biên Hòa, Vietnam. This girl, at least I thought it was a girl, walks up to me and says "Hey, Mister American. Would you like to
[CENSORED BY MODERATORS]
And to this day I have no idea how we got the elephant and the piano on the fourth floor with the Cambodian Hillary Clinton female impersonator.
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Post by lessthanbread on Dec 15, 2019 0:55:51 GMT -5
Well, if we're going to share stories, I might as well share mine with you. I was standing inside this brothel in Biên Hòa, Vietnam. This girl, at least I thought it was a girl, walks up to me and says "Hey, Mister American. Would you like to [CENSORED BY MODERATORS]
And to this day I have no idea how we got the elephant and the piano on the fourth floor with the Cambodian Hillary Clinton female impersonator.
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