Post by pozbaird on Apr 3, 2024 11:22:28 GMT -5
Breaking News…Breaking News…The Open Championship returns to Royal Carrickstone!
Nestled on the coast somewhere in Caledonia that no-one ever visits (because it’s always wet, cold, miserable, and 350 miles from the nearest Starbucks), Royal Carrickstone is hosting the 2025 Open Championship.
The R&A told Royal Carrickstone that unless there was suitable hotel accomodation built in the area, they could never award them the Open, so they built a hotel. With a pool…and a bar that serves wee nibbles with your beer. Very posh. The R&A said ‘are you sure that’s a good place for a hotel?’ Royal Carrickstone replied ‘you just said build a hotel, you never said where, now, give us the Open’.
The R&A wrote back - ‘OK, OK, you’ve built a hotel, but you’re still in the middle of nowhere, how can fans get to the course? Sort out your public transport and we’ll think about it’.
Royal Carrickstone were aghast, but the R&A had annoyed them now, so holy guacamole, if they didn’t convince Scotrail to extend the train tracks from the nearby town of Weejimmykrankie towards Carrickstone village. They ran out of cash though, so the line stopped at the 13th green, where a fleet of hired Ford Transit vans ferry golf fans to the course.
Royal Carrickstone sent an e-mail to the R&A… ‘That’s the public transport sorted. Gie’s the Open.’
The following is a transcript of the conversation that ensued….
’Sorry, still can’t award you the Open, we notice that some of your pins are awfully close to yellow fast lines, and you haven’t adhered to the ‘nine box’ rule….
’Eh? Who the hell are you, the R&A, or TGC Tour schedulers? Gie’s the feckin’ Open. Yellow lines. Grid boxes. FFS.’…
’Look, them’s the rules, plus, you can’t host the Open if you haven’t included photos of your course’…
’Jesus wept. Look, if we promise to ask Vic, the good and great Mr Karma Esq, to add some photos, then can we get the Open? We built a hotel (with a pool and wee bar snack nibbles), we built a goddam train station, and frankly, we don’t care about yellow fast lines and grids, this isn’t for a TGC competition you know, it’s just for the Open Championship. I mean, it’s not like we are incapable, we hosted the ladies section nine hole medal only last week, and it was a huge success. Gie’s the Open. We’ll ask Vic if he can add photos. OK?’…
’Aye, OK. You can have the Open. In 2025. Can you leave us alone now?’
’Thanks. You won’t regret it. Are the LIV players coming?’…
’Oh FFS’.
Nestled on the coast somewhere in Caledonia that no-one ever visits (because it’s always wet, cold, miserable, and 350 miles from the nearest Starbucks), Royal Carrickstone is hosting the 2025 Open Championship.
The R&A told Royal Carrickstone that unless there was suitable hotel accomodation built in the area, they could never award them the Open, so they built a hotel. With a pool…and a bar that serves wee nibbles with your beer. Very posh. The R&A said ‘are you sure that’s a good place for a hotel?’ Royal Carrickstone replied ‘you just said build a hotel, you never said where, now, give us the Open’.
The R&A wrote back - ‘OK, OK, you’ve built a hotel, but you’re still in the middle of nowhere, how can fans get to the course? Sort out your public transport and we’ll think about it’.
Royal Carrickstone were aghast, but the R&A had annoyed them now, so holy guacamole, if they didn’t convince Scotrail to extend the train tracks from the nearby town of Weejimmykrankie towards Carrickstone village. They ran out of cash though, so the line stopped at the 13th green, where a fleet of hired Ford Transit vans ferry golf fans to the course.
Royal Carrickstone sent an e-mail to the R&A… ‘That’s the public transport sorted. Gie’s the Open.’
The following is a transcript of the conversation that ensued….
’Sorry, still can’t award you the Open, we notice that some of your pins are awfully close to yellow fast lines, and you haven’t adhered to the ‘nine box’ rule….
’Eh? Who the hell are you, the R&A, or TGC Tour schedulers? Gie’s the feckin’ Open. Yellow lines. Grid boxes. FFS.’…
’Look, them’s the rules, plus, you can’t host the Open if you haven’t included photos of your course’…
’Jesus wept. Look, if we promise to ask Vic, the good and great Mr Karma Esq, to add some photos, then can we get the Open? We built a hotel (with a pool and wee bar snack nibbles), we built a goddam train station, and frankly, we don’t care about yellow fast lines and grids, this isn’t for a TGC competition you know, it’s just for the Open Championship. I mean, it’s not like we are incapable, we hosted the ladies section nine hole medal only last week, and it was a huge success. Gie’s the Open. We’ll ask Vic if he can add photos. OK?’…
’Aye, OK. You can have the Open. In 2025. Can you leave us alone now?’
’Thanks. You won’t regret it. Are the LIV players coming?’…
’Oh FFS’.