Post by hmammoth on Apr 23, 2023 8:20:46 GMT -5
I have been sitting in front of my computer for over a hour and these are the first words that I have written. As I look out the window, I can see it is stormy outside, inside, inside me it is also stormy, inside my soul there is a storm raging that is showing no signs of letting up. On my desk in front of me is a bottle of whiskey, it's unopened, unpoured, I want to drink but will that stop the pain, or will it just hide the memories for a few hours before them come rushing back to hit me even harder still. I have put this off long enough, it has to be done, it might be one of the hardest intros I ever had to write but it has to be done, it is making my shake, my hands are sweaty but it has to be done, lets get it over with.
A few months back fargo approached me, as he is a ranger, he does get to talk to me without an appointment. He told me he had a course for me to check out. I had nothing better to do so I agreed to travel to the course to see if it was suitable for the kinetic. It was a long trip, Australia in fact and no matter how luxurious the private jet is, a trip like that is tiring, so I did not ask the right questions, I did not pay attention the the name of the course over the entrance, I just wanted to get the testing over and done with. Anyway that has read my intros in the past knows that I have issues with Australia ever since the great betrayal, the day my older brother brought shame to the family by becoming Australian, then marrying an Australian women, by having Australian kids. I have tried to bond with them, I really have, they are on skype every Sunday but they talk about stuff that is just beyond my comprehension, like being outdoors, and triathlons and being happy and cheerful, I just don't understand it, I just don't understand them. Anyway, that's beside the point, I enjoyed the course, I thought it would work well for a week on the kinetic. I did insist that the entire course be moved to Chicago so you guys would not be stuck in Australia but outside of that, we were good to go. I asked Chris what is the name of the course so I could add it to my notes, he when he said Cormac's Bluff, I froze, I started to shiver, it was difficult to breath, that name, it meant something, Cormac, I knew it from somewhere, Cormac, it meant something to me. Cormac, why was it causing this reaction. Inside my mind a battle was being fought, the wall my brain had built was being attacked, the memories were dismantling it one brick at a time and were seeping through, Cormac, why?Cormac who? Cormac Murphy f**k.
Flash back even further, it was the late 70's, I was just a school boy, a primary school boy. I had not even gotten my big boy pants yet, literally. In primary school back then, out uniform had short pants, we did not get long pants until secondary school. The school was full of boys with pasty white skin, sometimes coloured red from the cold, sometimes coloured yellow from bruises, sometimes coloured black from the scabs, scabs that were a badge of honor from a fight, from a fall, from a adventure. Like most of the other kids, my shorts were hand me downs from my older brothers, our jumpers were held together by patches. Ireland was still a few years away from becoming the wealthy country it is now, we did not know any better, we were poor kids from a working class background, we lived with what life gave us. The catholic church still held a lot of power back then, so out school was a Christian brother school, the Christian brothers were not always very Christian, corporal punishment might have just been banned at the time but that law was not enforced, we felt the punishment, it we misbehaved, we got the strap, if we did not do our homework, we got hit, if the teacher was having a bad day, our day was worse and I sat next to Cormac Murphy. Cormac was not a bad kid but he was what we called a messer. If there was trouble, Cormac was not far away, and I sat next to Cormac Murphy and Cormac was not the person you wanted sitting next to you when called upon in class. If I had to read from a Irish book, Cormac was rubbing my balls to try and get me to react, if I had to answer a math problem, Cormac was sticking a compass point in my leg to get me to react. If I had to spell and difficult word aloud, Cormac was tickling my side to get me to react and reactions are bad, reactions bring the full attention of the teacher down on not just me but also who ever was alongside me, and you never brought a teacher attention to someone else, that was a sin, that was a crime, you never gave up a classmate. There was another kid in our class that stole 200 pound when he was at a friends house, 200 pound back then would be around 2000 euro now, no one gave him up, even the friend. He was caught of course, it was not that hard to figure out when he was buying everyone in the class as much sweets and chocolate as they wanted, or when he was bringing everyone to the chipper after school and they could get and eat as much as they wanted. He was not criminal genius that one, but damn what a great couple of days treat wise.
But i am off on a tangent, Cormac sat next to me, so I was involved in every plan and scheme he had to avoid class, to avoid homework and to avoid being beaten, Ironically ,these schemes and plans properly got us the strap more than had we not tried plans to avoid them. I sat next to Cormac Murphy for a year, I was a nice kid, a innocent kid, I had a soul, I had heart but as that year went on, my heart and soul were drained from me, I became a hardened shell, a schemer in my own right, a messer in my own right, I became Cormac Murphy. When I saw the name of this weeks course, that innocent kid came back, I said to myself, I should not be charging these designers so much money to have there courses on tour, I said to myself, I should not be using hard settings for the poor kinetic players. I said to myself I should not be giggling like a school girl when i see a Kinetic players ball find the water for the second time in a row. I said to myself, I should not be doing this, it is to much stress, it is to much effort, I should retire from scheduling, let someone else take over. I should be happy, I should be free, I could try and learn Australian, I could be me again. Then the name hit me again Cormac's Bluff, that wall I built came crashing down and out came Cormac Murphy and he kicked my squarely in the balls and ran away laughing. I did not need this pain, I needed a new wall, a bigger stronger wall, one where the nice side of me can never escape from. To build this wall, I need pain and suffering from somewhere, and where better but here, very high winds, very fast greens, cliff side golf, water filled courses, it is coming, it is coming soon, you will build this wall for me for I am Cormac Murphy.
A few months back fargo approached me, as he is a ranger, he does get to talk to me without an appointment. He told me he had a course for me to check out. I had nothing better to do so I agreed to travel to the course to see if it was suitable for the kinetic. It was a long trip, Australia in fact and no matter how luxurious the private jet is, a trip like that is tiring, so I did not ask the right questions, I did not pay attention the the name of the course over the entrance, I just wanted to get the testing over and done with. Anyway that has read my intros in the past knows that I have issues with Australia ever since the great betrayal, the day my older brother brought shame to the family by becoming Australian, then marrying an Australian women, by having Australian kids. I have tried to bond with them, I really have, they are on skype every Sunday but they talk about stuff that is just beyond my comprehension, like being outdoors, and triathlons and being happy and cheerful, I just don't understand it, I just don't understand them. Anyway, that's beside the point, I enjoyed the course, I thought it would work well for a week on the kinetic. I did insist that the entire course be moved to Chicago so you guys would not be stuck in Australia but outside of that, we were good to go. I asked Chris what is the name of the course so I could add it to my notes, he when he said Cormac's Bluff, I froze, I started to shiver, it was difficult to breath, that name, it meant something, Cormac, I knew it from somewhere, Cormac, it meant something to me. Cormac, why was it causing this reaction. Inside my mind a battle was being fought, the wall my brain had built was being attacked, the memories were dismantling it one brick at a time and were seeping through, Cormac, why?Cormac who? Cormac Murphy f**k.
Flash back even further, it was the late 70's, I was just a school boy, a primary school boy. I had not even gotten my big boy pants yet, literally. In primary school back then, out uniform had short pants, we did not get long pants until secondary school. The school was full of boys with pasty white skin, sometimes coloured red from the cold, sometimes coloured yellow from bruises, sometimes coloured black from the scabs, scabs that were a badge of honor from a fight, from a fall, from a adventure. Like most of the other kids, my shorts were hand me downs from my older brothers, our jumpers were held together by patches. Ireland was still a few years away from becoming the wealthy country it is now, we did not know any better, we were poor kids from a working class background, we lived with what life gave us. The catholic church still held a lot of power back then, so out school was a Christian brother school, the Christian brothers were not always very Christian, corporal punishment might have just been banned at the time but that law was not enforced, we felt the punishment, it we misbehaved, we got the strap, if we did not do our homework, we got hit, if the teacher was having a bad day, our day was worse and I sat next to Cormac Murphy. Cormac was not a bad kid but he was what we called a messer. If there was trouble, Cormac was not far away, and I sat next to Cormac Murphy and Cormac was not the person you wanted sitting next to you when called upon in class. If I had to read from a Irish book, Cormac was rubbing my balls to try and get me to react, if I had to answer a math problem, Cormac was sticking a compass point in my leg to get me to react. If I had to spell and difficult word aloud, Cormac was tickling my side to get me to react and reactions are bad, reactions bring the full attention of the teacher down on not just me but also who ever was alongside me, and you never brought a teacher attention to someone else, that was a sin, that was a crime, you never gave up a classmate. There was another kid in our class that stole 200 pound when he was at a friends house, 200 pound back then would be around 2000 euro now, no one gave him up, even the friend. He was caught of course, it was not that hard to figure out when he was buying everyone in the class as much sweets and chocolate as they wanted, or when he was bringing everyone to the chipper after school and they could get and eat as much as they wanted. He was not criminal genius that one, but damn what a great couple of days treat wise.
But i am off on a tangent, Cormac sat next to me, so I was involved in every plan and scheme he had to avoid class, to avoid homework and to avoid being beaten, Ironically ,these schemes and plans properly got us the strap more than had we not tried plans to avoid them. I sat next to Cormac Murphy for a year, I was a nice kid, a innocent kid, I had a soul, I had heart but as that year went on, my heart and soul were drained from me, I became a hardened shell, a schemer in my own right, a messer in my own right, I became Cormac Murphy. When I saw the name of this weeks course, that innocent kid came back, I said to myself, I should not be charging these designers so much money to have there courses on tour, I said to myself, I should not be using hard settings for the poor kinetic players. I said to myself I should not be giggling like a school girl when i see a Kinetic players ball find the water for the second time in a row. I said to myself, I should not be doing this, it is to much stress, it is to much effort, I should retire from scheduling, let someone else take over. I should be happy, I should be free, I could try and learn Australian, I could be me again. Then the name hit me again Cormac's Bluff, that wall I built came crashing down and out came Cormac Murphy and he kicked my squarely in the balls and ran away laughing. I did not need this pain, I needed a new wall, a bigger stronger wall, one where the nice side of me can never escape from. To build this wall, I need pain and suffering from somewhere, and where better but here, very high winds, very fast greens, cliff side golf, water filled courses, it is coming, it is coming soon, you will build this wall for me for I am Cormac Murphy.
