*Jim Nance enters
Jim: Boss, I know this is my fourth Cyder Cup but I wanted to try something a little different for the broadcast this year
Mark Lawrence: Ok Jim, I’ll hear you out. It’s a new Cyder Cup out there, new team names, new captains, new game. It could use a new broadcast too, if it’s the right idea
Jim: I’m sorry boss, you said new names and new captains for the new game? Hasn’t the Cyder Cup stretched multiple iterations of this game?
Mark: Yes, but after the Golfception incident last Cyder Cup, the admin team decided a fresh start would be best.
Jim: Sorry again boss, but I don’t see what changing the names would have to do with Golfception?
Mark: Jim, the admin team wants to distance themselves from any notion that the Cyder Cup does not already have a predetermined result. After last year’s reports, keeping everything the same would’ve made that more of a challenge.
Jim: But…
Mark: And to be honest Jim, you’re lucky to have been brought back this year. Your part in Golfception last Cyder Cup did not go unnoticed. Ashton
Ashton Fox even walked away from the game completely after taking the seed message too literally. The admin team wanted to bring in someone new but I fought hard for you Jim and they allowed you to continue. A credit to your skill as a broadcaster no doubt.
Jim: I got a little caught up in the excitement of building what I wanted to with my mind but I didn’t have any idea that was what they were going to do down there
Mark: Understandable Jim but it’s a bad look for the press pool to have the appearance of determining match winners. We MUST (slams fist on desk) remain impartial. Now, you said you had a broadcast idea for this year? Who do you want your cohost to be? Should we bring back Shaggy? Jar Jar? Elsa?
Jim: Not exactly what I had in mind boss
Mark: Ok, out with it then, we don’t have all day here. The Cyder Cup has already begun!
Jim: Ok, hear me out, we do a broadcast about nothing
Mark: A broadcast about nothing?
Jim: Correct boss, nothing
Mark: No golf?
Jim: No golf!
Mark: No backstory?
Jim: Forget the backstory!
Mark: You’ve got to have a backstory
Jim: Who says you gotta have a backstory?
Mark: And who’s on the broadcast? Who are the golfers?
Jim: I would be the broadcaster
Mark: You?
Jim: Yeah, I could be a broadcaster
Mark: And who would be the golfers?
Jim: Well how about Ross
asyoudo64 and Les
lessangster against Charlie
deathstar and Kenny Loko
jg24kl ?
Mark: And it’s about nothing?
Jim: Absolutely nothing
Mark: So you’re saying I should go to the admin team and tell them we’ve got an idea for a broadcast about nothing?
Jim: Exactly!
Mark: They say “what are you going to talk about?” And I say “nothing”
Jim: There you go
*Jim and Mark meet with the admin team
Ben: So what is all this fuss about Mark?
Mark: Well we’ve thought of different ways to change the broadcast to help rebuild the trust in our impartiality. But the basic idea is Jim would be the solo broadcaster…
Jim: May I?
Mark: Of course
Jim: I think I can sum up the broadcast for you in one word: Nothing
Ben: Nothing?
Jim: Nothing
Ben: What does that mean?
Jim: The broadcast is about nothing
Mark (to Jim): Well it’s not about nothing
Jim (to Mark): No, it’s about nothing
Mark: Well maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something
Carol: What’s the backstory?
Mark: Well as I was saying, Jim would be the only broadcaster covering the Cyder Cup matches. There wouldn’t be any cohosts
Jim: Yeah but nothing happens on the broadcast
Ben: So tell me about the golf? What are we broadcasting?
Jim: Oh no, no golf
Ben: No golf? So what is it?
Jim: What did you do today?
Ben: I got up, played MS Flight Simulator, and came here
Jim: There’s a broadcast. That’s a broadcast
Ben: How is that a broadcast?
Mark: Well, uh, maybe something happens while you’re flying.
Jim: No, no, no, nothing happens
Mark: Well something happens
Ben: Well, why am I watching it?
Jim: Because it’s on TV
Ben: Not yet
Jim: Okay, uh, look, if you want to keep doing the same old thing, watching the Assassins and Messengers be AS after 10 holes, Ross liking every shot, Les making a couple birdies, Charlie trying to keep the ship afloat while Ken misses makeable putts costing the Assassins the match 3&2, then maybe this idea isn’t for you. I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity. And I’ll tell you something else, this is the broadcast, and we’re not going to change it. (To Mark) Right?
*A moment passes
Mark: (To Ben) How about this: A reporter gets caught in a repeating loop for a week straight…