Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce Cup@Emerald Basin Reserve TGC
Nov 13, 2022 7:03:51 GMT -5
Giraffe72, Cecil Harvey, and 2 more like this
Post by hmammoth on Nov 13, 2022 7:03:51 GMT -5
First week of a new season and new guy Tim has already screwed up. Part of his responsibilities as assistant to the kinetic scheduler and not as assistant kinetic scheduler as he has been calling himself to pick up wownen, is to check, well check everything so I dont have to. We have strong rules here on which designers we use and how often they are allowed have a course on kinetic, these rules are in place to help keep designer ego in check, to many courses on tour and their head swells and they start putting on air's and grace's. This weeks course is by aeastwood54 who also happens to be the designer that created the course used for the last event on kinetic, back to back courses by the same designer, that is a disaster, not only do we face the apocalypse when his head reaches sizes that can not be contained by gravity, it also invokes the double jeopardy clause on tgctours which means we have to pay him instead of him paying us for using the course. In all my years doing this I never had to pay a designer a single penny, Tim's first week and this happens. The financial aspect is easily sorted, I will just take the money from Tim's salary but it is the complaints from others is the main issue. There has already been calls for my head, saying I am showing favoritism to the Irish, that the Irish are sticking together to the determent of other nationalities, that all the big events go to the Irish, that all designers no matter what country they are from should be given a chance. People are calling my reputation into question, the thing is, I am not Irish, I am from The People's Republic of Cork, yes we may share an island with the Irish but we are a separate nation of people with superior intellect, looks and health to the Irish. It is very hard to explain so here is a video from a renowned scientist explaining it in lay mans terms for you guys.
So as this video proves, there is no favoritism to the Irish on these tours as I am no one of them. Unfortunately though, I have also been forced to take action to prove that I don't put the Irish first, so I now need to remove all things Irish from the kinetic. Any Irish people that had qualified for this tour will now be removed. No Irish designer is allowed to have a course on the kinetic tour, no kinetic events will be played in Ireland, and the kinetic's annual St Patrick's day bash has been cancelled. But don't lose hope yet if you are Irish, here at tgctours, there is a place for everyone, so I am proud to announce a brand new tour exclusively for the Irish, The Tenement Tour. There have been rules changes to this tour to help the Irish adapt quickly and efficiently. Each playing group will consist of 20 people, now I know you Irish are wondering why are the playing groups so small, the simple fact is, by the time the group reaches the 18th the groups will have grown between 30 and 50 percent because of the Irish people tendency to breed like rabbits, The smaller group sizes at the start will allow for this and the new Irish can be integrated seamlessly. Each group will have 3 sets of golf clubs which will be given to the oldest members of each group, these will then be passed down to younger members as they older ones die from alcohol poisoning, emigrate to other counties and evicted from land the course is on by absentee landlords. Of course there will be wear and tear on these sets but you can always get your mammy to patch them up with any material scavenged from the skip outside next doors as your one is getting a extension in her kitchen but only god knows where she got the money from but there will be no dealing with her now. If the clubs can not be repaired, a list of English golf clubs will be provided from which a new set can be stolen. The winner off each event will be offered either a turkey, a ham or a leg of lamb which should feed the family for a month and making them heroes with the young fella's of the tenement.
It is to late to start this new tour this week, so all Irish are allowed to play on this weeks kinetic event as long as they promise not to wreck the gaff and the end of their rounds. For everyone else, the kinetic will be a better place from next week. So enjoy this first week of kinetic, take a little time to laugh of the drunken antics of the Irish players, have a bet on who will punch who first and good luck on the first week of the new season here on kinetic.
So as this video proves, there is no favoritism to the Irish on these tours as I am no one of them. Unfortunately though, I have also been forced to take action to prove that I don't put the Irish first, so I now need to remove all things Irish from the kinetic. Any Irish people that had qualified for this tour will now be removed. No Irish designer is allowed to have a course on the kinetic tour, no kinetic events will be played in Ireland, and the kinetic's annual St Patrick's day bash has been cancelled. But don't lose hope yet if you are Irish, here at tgctours, there is a place for everyone, so I am proud to announce a brand new tour exclusively for the Irish, The Tenement Tour. There have been rules changes to this tour to help the Irish adapt quickly and efficiently. Each playing group will consist of 20 people, now I know you Irish are wondering why are the playing groups so small, the simple fact is, by the time the group reaches the 18th the groups will have grown between 30 and 50 percent because of the Irish people tendency to breed like rabbits, The smaller group sizes at the start will allow for this and the new Irish can be integrated seamlessly. Each group will have 3 sets of golf clubs which will be given to the oldest members of each group, these will then be passed down to younger members as they older ones die from alcohol poisoning, emigrate to other counties and evicted from land the course is on by absentee landlords. Of course there will be wear and tear on these sets but you can always get your mammy to patch them up with any material scavenged from the skip outside next doors as your one is getting a extension in her kitchen but only god knows where she got the money from but there will be no dealing with her now. If the clubs can not be repaired, a list of English golf clubs will be provided from which a new set can be stolen. The winner off each event will be offered either a turkey, a ham or a leg of lamb which should feed the family for a month and making them heroes with the young fella's of the tenement.
It is to late to start this new tour this week, so all Irish are allowed to play on this weeks kinetic event as long as they promise not to wreck the gaff and the end of their rounds. For everyone else, the kinetic will be a better place from next week. So enjoy this first week of kinetic, take a little time to laugh of the drunken antics of the Irish players, have a bet on who will punch who first and good luck on the first week of the new season here on kinetic.
