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Post by SMIFFYLFC79 on May 26, 2020 23:46:50 GMT -5
Firstly i would like to thank Admin for allowing me to post this here.
Secondly I apologise if this thread upsets anyone but I really need some advice/support if at all possible.
Last Wednesday (20th) My Wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer but it has also spread to her lymph nodes, she has a Pet CT scan today and an MRI scan next Tuesday, then Oncologist, but She has been told already that 5 Months worth of chemo is on its way, followed by surgery.
She has always suffered from Anxiety and Depression but over the past week her Anxiety has heightend to another level, she is petrified, think she has asked me a million times if everything is going to be ok, or will i be hear at Christmas obviously i assure her it will but it falls on deaf ears, but those questions stab me.
Personally im struggling to get my head round this, so i dread to think what her mind is doing. I keep saying to her, 1 step, 1 day at a time, i feel useless, struggling with what to say, what to do, just trying to keep things normal really.
If anyone has experienced this awful situation and has any advice on how to get through it i would be very appreciative.
Thanks for reading.
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Post by ErixonStone on May 27, 2020 0:52:02 GMT -5
sh%$ man, so sorry to hear this.
Breast cancer can be really tough mentally in addition to the physical ailment.
The best thing you both can do is to get informed. Find out what the expectations are. Learn about the treatment and how it may affect your wife, physically. There are so many types of treatments now, that the side effects differ widely.
Seek out success stories.
Do not isolate. Find a support group so you both have a group of people you can talk to who have been orbare going through this. It's important to know that you're not the only ones going through this.
Share with her that you're scared too. It may seem irrational, but, if you're constantly telling her that everything will be alright, it might not have the effect you want. She knows things might not turn out OK. Saying that they will could be received as you dismissing her concern.
You're right; focus on taking care of today and tomorrow. Because that's all you have control over.
Lastly, if possible, seek professional mental health care for both of you. To many women, breasts are a sign of womanhood, and potentially losing one or both can be soul-crushing.
All the best.
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Post by nevadaballin on May 27, 2020 1:52:47 GMT -5
Firstly i would like to thank Admin for allowing me to post this here. Secondly I apologise if this thread upsets anyone but I really need some advice/support if at all possible. Last Wednesday (20th) My Wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer but it has also spread to her lymph nodes, she has a Pet CT scan today and an MRI scan next Tuesday, then Oncologist, but She has been told already that 5 Months worth of chemo is on its way, followed by surgery. She has always suffered from Anxiety and Depression but over the past week her Anxiety has heightend to another level, she is petrified, think she has asked me a million times if everything is going to be ok, or will i be hear at Christmas obviously i assure her it will but it falls on deaf ears, but those questions stab me. Personally im struggling to get my head round this, so i dread to think what her mind is doing. I keep saying to her, 1 step, 1 day at a time, i feel useless, struggling with what to say, what to do, just trying to keep things normal really. If anyone has experienced this awful situation and has any advice on how to get through it i would be very appreciative. Thanks for reading. Hey bud, I was saddened to read this. I am hoping for the best for your entire family as you go through this together and overcome the adversity as well as the physical and mental battles ahead of both of you. The anxiety and depression, my goodness I can relate. The mental game is no joke. It's just as bad as the disease itself. The depression and anxiety are hard. The Jedi Mind tricks make you overthink everything - every thing, big and small - to the point where it becomes an emotional tsunami at times and all you can do is cry because you become so sad, frustrated and upset. It's so overwhelming at times. Let's just say I've visited the darkest side of myself that I never knew was there. It's not pretty. Now for the good stuff - yes there is MUCH good stuff  There is still one thing you and your wife have going. You have hope. You have to believe that better days are coming - because they are. You have to believe that together, you both will make that happen. If you have a spiritual faith of any kind, then you've doubled your hope factor because you have something else to lean into. I cannot stress the meaning of hope for you guys. You are not useless. Quite the opposite my friend. Don't be afraid to ask her what you can do for her or what she needs from you. Don't ignore the elephant in the room. It's there. Own it. Don't let it sit on you, elephants are heavy She can beat this. You can help her and support her fight. It's going to be a mental drain on you too. But you are her Superman. Tuck her under your cape it and let the bullets bounce off. There are medical answers to help her. Some days will be better than others. Let the doctors do their doctor things. But no matter what..........PLEASE do NOT lose sight of HOPE. Under no circumstance do you let go of hope. That hope is the belief that this gets to the happy ending you both deserve. Your cape is sewn from those threads of hope and faith. There must be some local help groups for both of you. Take advantage of them. go to some together, go to some on your own. You are in a new normal, look around at the tools you have at your disposal. Don't let any stigmas get in the way of reaching out to that local help. It is essential for both of you. They will help you and her with how to deal with it all. I've gone for mental health help and so glad I did. And I'm far from ashamed to admit it. Hell, I'm proud to say it. It was like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders brother. It's not a permanent thing, it's there until you get through to the other side. Think of it as your flashlight in this darkness. Be well my friend, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this but it's a winnable fight. You two can do it. Keep that hope, faith (if not spiritual, then in each other) and definitely seek out that local mental health. It's an honor to yourself and your wife to do so Feel free to PM me any time. Please let us all know how things are progressing. |
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Post by AFCTUJacko on May 27, 2020 3:30:37 GMT -5
Nothing useful to add, but all the best to you and your family Andi. Fingers and everything else crossed for you
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Post by Leesome191 on May 27, 2020 11:07:20 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this Andy.My missus had grade 2 breast cancer last year and obviously knocked our family for 6.
The Chemo can be a very stressfull time,but the NHS provided her with fantastic care and the support groups are equally good.
Stay strong for her m8,and all the best going forward.
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Post by LKeet6 on May 27, 2020 14:41:20 GMT -5
Ah man, I mean this in the nicest way, I "love" it when people post stuff like this. Fair play for putting yourself out there. That would be one of the good first steps in dealing with this đź‘Ť
There's some really good and more detailed advice in the first couple of responses, so I'd just reiterate, LOTS of talking and openness. And make sure both of you have other people you can rely on as well through this, if possible.
Maybe don't try to offer solutions all the time, and although a lot of people like positivity, it can be draining to hear "you'll be ok" all the time, because then it almost puts "pressure" on them to be positive. You know your wife better than us, so follow her lead and be sensitive to how she seems to be feeling.
Hope all the advice people have given helps you feel supported and a tiny bit more prepared.
Mostly just wanted to say really appreciated your post and hope you and your wife get through this.
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Post by FRSTDWN on May 27, 2020 18:30:36 GMT -5
Wish you the best op. Fight the fight and don't listen to doctors all the time. They are negative but realist. It's how it works. Doesn't mean you can't beat the odds.
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Post by joegolferg on May 28, 2020 3:54:51 GMT -5
Sorry to hear your news, mate. My auntie recently had breast cancer and went into remission 9 months after her initial diagnosis. The science and research capabilities of today have massively turned things around in treating and curing cancer, especially breast cancer. If you and your wife are looking for support from people who are experienced in dealing with this disease I'd say getting in touch with Macmillan cancer support would be the way to go. They really helped out my auntie with her anxiety and stress of coping with cancer and they're extremely accessible and reliable. Keeping on top of your mental wellbeing is very important in such a scenario.
Anyway, all the best to you and your wife and I hope the treatment goes very well, the odds are in your favour.
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Post by LKeet6 on May 28, 2020 8:59:27 GMT -5
Hello again smiffy, this message is from ray, not me, as you will see when he signs off with "Ray" 🙂
"Hey Smiffy, sorry to hear about your wife. Good on you for reaching out for advice đź‘Ť.
I have no experience in your situation, but plenty in your wife’s. My advice is to look after her physical strength as much as possible. If she can stomach eating a little extra to build strength and potentially muscle it’s like a reservoir your body draws on during treatment in my opinion. Join her on a walk. Sometimes you feel a lot better after a little activity than you do before it, even if it’s hard to get started.
What I wanted from my friends and family when I spoke to them wasn’t a discussion about my health. It was hearing about what was happening in their lives to feel normal and have stuff to think about and potentially look forward to rather than being caught up in the whirlpool of treatment and it’s associated changes to your routine.
Breast cancer has very advanced and successful treatment. It’s not a death sentence.
Much love. Ray."
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Post by SMIFFYLFC79 on Jun 3, 2020 0:16:35 GMT -5
Thank you all for your kind words of advice, encouragement and hope, LKeet6 can you please thank Ray for me. The past 10 or so day's have passed at what seems a thousand mile an hour, my wife has had a pet-ct scan (which made her radioactive btw), a ultra sound scan with a small rice grain size coil implanted into the cancer, and an mri scan yesterday, this means all this part of treatment is over. Her mental health is taking a right battering at present, a rollercoaster ride it sure is. She now has 2 dedicated Nurses and can contact these at any point. Next Wednesday (10th June) she is receiving a call from a counselor and also from her Oncologist, so then we will know more regarding her chemo treatment. Thanks for reading |
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Post by nevadaballin on Jun 3, 2020 1:26:41 GMT -5
Thank you all for your kind words of advice, encouragement and hope, LKeet6 can you please thank Ray for me. The past 10 or so day's have passed at what seems a thousand mile an hour, my wife has had a pet-ct scan (which made her radioactive btw), a ultra sound scan with a small rice grain size coil implanted into the cancer, and an mri scan yesterday, this means all this part of treatment is over. Her mental health is taking a right battering at present, a rollercoaster ride it sure is. She now has 2 dedicated Nurses and can contact these at any point. Next Wednesday (10th June) she is receiving a call from a counselor and also from her Oncologist, so then we will know more regarding her chemo treatment. Thanks for reading We are all with you two, hoping and praying for the best possible outcome. What is the coil supposed to do, is that like a contact target for the chemo? How are you holding up mentally? |
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Post by theduke21 on Jun 3, 2020 5:08:02 GMT -5
Wishing you and your wife the best Andi. From the positivity and good spirits you've always shown in here, I imagine you'll do a great job at helping give strength to your wife and supporting her all the way. Don't be afraid to reach out here for help.
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Post by SMIFFYLFC79 on Jun 3, 2020 12:09:36 GMT -5
nevadaballin the coil was implanted so that when the chemo does its job, they have an exact place of where the cancer itself was. As for me, I'm doing OK at present, had a few wobbly moments but held it together so far.
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Post by zzfr33b1rdzz on Jun 3, 2020 16:37:08 GMT -5
Sorry to hear the news.
But as others have posted - assure her that SHE CAN BEAT THIS. Today's medicine is incredible..
For success stories - I'm one of them - had my own run with cancer at the end of 2014 - 3 months of Chemo....my last checkup visit in 2019 - no signs of it - I'm now on yearly bloodwork checks only just to make sure the markers don't show up...
So... It CAN be done. I found it easier to sort of just go with it. I mean, I had it, so the next step was to get rid of it.. The mind can be pretty brutal thinking about all of the 'what ifs' - just have to try and not let it consume you..
I wish you and your wife all the best in this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers will be with you!
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Post by lastchancehombre on Jun 5, 2020 10:15:39 GMT -5
Man, I feel what your both dealing with & 1st off I want to extend my most positive thoughts to you both on working through this most difficult time in your lives.
What I can lend to you on a lesser scale (non cancer related) is my wife has suffered with chronic abdominal pain since childhood. For the last 30 years that we've been together I've been running her through the medical gauntlet trying to get answers as to the cause with no answers to be found. This is the type of thing that when it comes on her with little notice it will slam her so hard she's bed ridden for up to a week with violent vomiting & pain levels off the charts, unable to take in any food or nourishment.
So that feeling of helplessness I'm well seasoned with. And when my partner in life is in bed helpless & suffering so & looking to me for help & answers, well yeah I can relate. That "stabbing" feeling, I understand man!
Now I'll say I'm fortunate that she does not suffer with the Anxiety or Depression cards which takes it to a whole different scale of 'what do I do', but what I've learned if anything over the years is the understanding the she looks to me as a source of strength so I have to remain strong through her toughest times for her & my own self preservation. I have to show her more than ever just how much I love her & how important she is to me by exuding care & positivity around the clock. And continue to assure her that we will get through this together! One of the other things that is helpful for my sanity is to stay busy at all costs. Hard to do around the clock but distraction & yet remaining focused on her care is a balancing act that's tough to manage but really necessary.
The Professional help thing for A & D can be good for some & not good for others imho, not saying that's not the right or wrong thing to do but I would only suggest that start with those closest to you & her, family & friends for encouragement & support before going down that path.
Breast cancer can most certainly be beaten as medical history has proved.
We will keep you both in our thoughts & prayers as you move ahead through this!
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