Dirtbags 9 - The Whole Nine Yards

[SkyBlueBen]

Jun 7, 2020 14:33:26 GMT -5 up mup kupen nup said:

Léiwen Hunnegdachs64,
léif Kopplabunzerten,
dear interested reader,

last week we had a course by the same designer on the Euro Tour and it kicked me in the Dokes. In addition to the fact that I played bad, I found it not enjoyable at all, as the course (still last week in Euro) felt tricked up to the max. This week with us here, we have a whole different story. I particularly liked the fact that you could attack so many holes in order to gain a few precious yards. Only with Master's Clubs though. That is, in my opinion, the only (big for CC) flaw on this course: It is a big advantage if you are playing it with Master's Clubs. Sorry for taking all my reporting space just for evaluating the course. Usually I don't do this, as you know. Anyway, since I use said Master's Clubs, I had a good time out there.

All in all, I accumulated -9, -11, -14, and -12 to tie Crazy Croc's tremendous score of -46.

Allez Kopplabunz!

Nice rounds Kevin. Hope I can add enough to R1/R2 to be competitive. Got the arm strapped up now, feels comfortable enough, had a little break from pixel golf so I think, tomorrow I will head out onto the course....with my Pro clubs so I’m @!$#ed!!

[Celtic Wolf]

1st round -5

All was going well through the front 9 as I was on course for my target of bagging a birdie every second hole. I was 5 under through 9 so another 2 birdies through 10-14 had me on track to be 7 under through 14. Then some poor play on the last two holes seen me pick up 2 bogies and drop back to -5.

After seeing Frans and Jeff hit a combined -21 I've left Wes with a mountain to climb. But knowing how Wes can play I wouldn't say it impossible.

[fransslabak]

Kevin is right; Masters Clubs are a huge advantage on this course... So, even though the following scores might not seem dramatic, they represent a true meltdown:


I really hope I haven’t ruined it this week for Mark, Jeff and Kevin.

[IGolfBad]

Presenting the 9th annual inaugural presentation of IGolfBad's Dirtbags Weekly Round Up (presented by AquaVelva, because a man wants to smell like a worm)

And without further ado...

Dirtbags Season 9, Week 1 Recap: You want team balance? You can't handle team balance!

Let's got on with it. Two new guys on the program, so welcome to Sam Riotous #notSimon and the newly reconstructed Spenny's Pee Parts jg24kl #peestandingup. Otherwise, the participants are mostly the same, with some moves in administration, and occasional guest mid-week reporters. 

This week's recap is brought to you by my teammate Kevin Dudley's cephyn Twitch stream of him speed-kvetching his way through the last two rounds of Week 2's course. At the rate he golfs, I'll have watched it 23 times before I'm done with this recap.

Onto the matches, starting with this week's proof that competitive balance is a sham...

The Beer Belly Brothers 18 over Eros Tumblers 6

After Johnny had single-handedly held off the Ales' Ernie and Art by a single stroke in the first doubles match (Mike R decided to play only the final three rounds in a show of ultimate sport), the Ales rebounded to take the rest of the doubles points, putting them in a very favorable position. However, and not to belabor a point (something I've never been known to do here (ever (ever (ever)))), it became crystal clear that Johnny was the only Bunt who decided to show up, and his 1 v 2 player victory in round 1 was the only thing keeping the Runts from gaining an impossible 3 blobs in one week. They tried, though... boy did they try. In fact, as one of the admins (don't begin to ask how that happened), I propose Mike R be given the coveted blob, so Johnny's accomplishment will carry even more weight. We should also consider changing their team name to "3 Goofs and a Golfer". Johnny also kept the Ales' Les and Simon from getting their full-houses. Way to ruin it for everyone, Johnny, ya big bully. Cupid Captain Paul commented to reporters after the match that the main barrier to success was "Spenny's play with extra... um... weight in his pockets." Keep your tackle in line, Spenny.

At this point, Kevin D's stream has ended (that's right, 36 holes of pouting in the time it took me to pen the above words), so we switch over Simon's SAM #notSam stream of this week's DBD rounds. I expect to hear a lot of words I won't comprehend, but considerably less sulking (it's all good, phonetic Kevin. I expect the same out of myself when it's my turn).

This is Madness 14 over Komboverz* 10

A much more even tilt, this one, with teams splitting the doubles matches to start even at the midway point. While the team outcomes were identical, looking closer showed zero player balance, with Kennelbangers'* Ben and Marty sweeping Hunter and the surprisingly absent Marc with a C, while the Utterly Insane David H and Mike G took down both against Kevin E and Sir Andrew. Getting to the point, once again, it was a nip-tuck affair, with the teams tied at 10 with two matches to go. First up was Hunter's round with Andrew, and while Andrew's strategy of playing with only a 7-iron, having tossed the rest of his bag after dropping 3 straight matches to open the season, was a bold maneuver, surprising even his opponent Hunter, who could only card nothing wider that a 2-stroke margin, it was indeed Hunter who closed the deal with a pair of pars to Andrew's finishing bogeys on the final two holes, 'cause who the hell can play golf using only a 7-iron? C'mon, Andrew! Now trailing by 2 points with one to go, it was up to everyone's favorite former foreman Skylar to try to snag the tie. Ben's story of woe began when some unnamed ruffian broke into his clubhouse locker and swapped all of his baby blue togs with clothing of a somewhat muddier hue (Frans was ruled out as the perpetrator, as he is a good 8 inches taller then Ben, but Kevin E is still a prime suspect. The only problem authorities are having with closing the case against Kevin E is that every time they have him surrounded, he simply jumps nude into the nearest bunker and completely blends in with the sand rendering him invisible). Ben, completely uncomfortable in his tan speedsuit, never could get his game going, and wound up dropping the round by 4 strokes, ensuring victory for the Putters.

*anyone who can solve the riddle of the asterisk wins free dinner and bowling with Greg, on his dime. 

And now, competitive balance...

Daughters of Flops 12 and Muddy Waters 12

This one looked like another runaway after doubles, with the Pitch Spawn taking 3 of 4, Frans and Kevin D providing the only points for the Aquamen. Things took a hard turn backward as the Men of Frans took 3 of 4 from the Brood of Paul, with newcomer Sam #notSimon posting a 1-stroke win over Kevin D in one of this match's several 1-stroke classics, while Frans, Jeff, and Mark with a K all winning their singles in dramatic fashion, giving the Moistened Bints an 8-8 tie with the Pitchmen after 3 rounds. It was anyone's match for the taking. Round 4 started with Sam showing why he's a ringer taking down Frans by a single stroke, and leaving 28 other players fearing for their golf ball lives, since Sam will likely win every match over the 7 weeks. However, Aquarians Kevin D and Jeff held sway against Greg and Chuck respectively, leaving it up to Mark with a K to forge at least a tie against Peter, to give the Aquamen a victory in the first week of play. By now, you know the outcome, as Mark with a K could only manage +1 on the front nine, leaving him needing to go -6 on the back nine to gain the tie. It all came down to the final hole, a par 5 with a split, multi-tiered fairway and an odd angle to the elevated green, where he simply needed to bird. A "simple" par 5 which should easily be birdied. Conservative play left him on the green in regulation and staring down a relatively flat 18 footer for glory. You know the rest - putt burned the cup, settled for par, Pete wins the round, and the teams tie in the end. Expect to see a lot of these outcomes.

As Simon nears the turn on his first round on DBD, we come to the final match up of the week, with, you guessed it, another tie...

Premature Finishers 12 and Kakolakohikakohineelo 12

...or should I say SEVERAL ties, as this match featured an historic FOUR rounds that ended in ties, and even stranger, every player in this match having been part of at least one apiece. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, so instead of making up stories about the scoring, let's talk about the oddities contained within, starting with the first round doubles match with the Gasms' Carol/Pablo and the Kackers' Pat/Wes each posting a -6. In my twisted imagination, I picture all four players scoring each hole exactly the same. THERE'S your balance, and you STILL can't handle it! But wait... it gets better. The Dirtbags' favorite target on which to place all blame, Pablo #BlamePablo, enjoyed his doubles tie so much that he went out and did it again in singles. Twice. That's right, Pablo posted an unprecedented three ties, both coming against the Kookoo's Ashton and Randy, giving them each their second of the match. When the dust had cleared, there had been so much sister kissing, that an emergency meeting of genetic counselors had to be called to discuss the likely damage caused by all this incest (Admin's note: this comment will be allowed, as a cursory review of Greg's initial post reveals that familial relations are not a taboo subject in this thread). It was a very strange method of ensuring that no full-houses or blobs would be awarded to these 8 very confused, very excitable participants. 

Since Greg has already processed weekly awards, I will simply take a moment to recognize Spenny jg24kl as the recipient of the "David Bowie 'Ch-ch-ch-changes" Award for his transition into manhood during the off-season. Ken has asked me to remind all of you that should he lose his balls on the course, you help him in finding them.

See you all next week, and keep crossing the streams.

Onwards!

[sid snott]

Rd 1 -1
Not a good start to the week. Need to do better. 

[evilgrin72]

Round 1 was frustrating as hell. Played damn near perfect golf and didn't get the result I felt I deserved. Most of the par 4s (and all of the par 3s) went..

P/P poker straight drive into the middle of the fairway. (Ignore only this part for the par 3s)

Approach shot P/P poker straight, right at the flag. Lands, rolls towards the pin, then either stops 15 feet short or sitters by, catches a ridge and rolls away.

Birdie putt from between 8-25 feet, massive break, hit it nicely, burns the edge.

Tap in par. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Should have been at least -12 or -13, instead settled for..

R1 : -9 (62)

[zorbacles]

My team do be glad to know that I have finished my clubs or if the swamp and will be playing with a full bag tonight.

I will also be playing my first round of real golf on over 2 years this week. I am aiming for a score of around -5.

However my scoring is not based on my strokes but rather based on the number of balls I lose and par is 18.

[Art Vandelay]

Round 1

Played golf IRL before this in very windy conditions.  I feel that real golf gives me a good tempo for this game, and it helped today.

Clean -9 to start.  No iggles, just 9 socially distanced (for the most part) chirps.  See if that helps Simon SAM.

Onward!

[honeybadger64]

Caught up in the euphoria of how easy the course was if you pick the longer clubs, I had a decent practice round so headed off to the tee. Five under after five and six at the turn. Seven on the 12th tee. Then the toxic mixture of fast approaches and slow backswings cost me birdies, bogies and a double. A hero birdie on the last from some rough I'd never hit in my several practices salvaged enough to keep me off the very bottom slot in CC-A.

Every day is a school day and instead of a week of red-hot competition one of grafting to minimise the losses. R1 -5

[bogeyman]

I also considered changing up to masters in view of comments here by others but thought better of it. Glad I did. Bogey free -11. Interesting and challenging course. Very craftily crafted. 

GREG

Round 1

-11

[SkyBlueBen]

First 2 rounds in. No excuses...just poor.


Round 1 slow start -8


Round 2 completely @!$#ed up 16th (I think, too pissed off can't remember) going for the green. Let my team down and signed my death warrant from CC-A -3

[bogeyman]

Puddles Riotous my boy, I think we got us some points!

Enjoyed my second round at Helmsley with another bogey free outing (gotta be some sort of record for me) Was more relaxed this round but didn't score as well. First round was white knuckle fear of stuffing up.

GREG

Round 2

-9

[honeybadger64]

After the debacle of Round 1. I decided two things. First I would get the rest of my rounds out of the way and content myself with watching others. Secondly I would return to what I know and can repeat, namely playing the percentages, wedging really close and missing big breaking right-to-left putts on the low side.

Round 2 had lots of my reliable play and got round in -8. Round 3 saw my best of the week, a -11 though I had a strong finish and was never in danger of catching up mup kupen nup who had already carded a -14. The final round saw a front nine bracketed by bogies and a suitably miserable -6 to put me at -30 for the week.

I will be staggered if I accrue any points and will immediately put myself in the running for a bandit award if I do. I will expect a minimum of two red marks (thankfully I cleared one off last week so can't get demoted I think).

Was it the Moonlight? no. Was it the Boogie? no. Was it the road? Was it the weather? It was a bridge too far when your ego writes cheques you ability can't cash. I fell for every sucker pin and made some truly bad decisions.

[SkyBlueBen]

Round 3 and 4 just about summed the week up.


Round 3 nearly but not quite all the way -9


Round 4 just -6 to beat to save myself from a blob, going along nicely until I dumped one in the water on the 9th going for glory instead of safety. Uphill battle after that, had chances, but fell short -5


The end to a pretty miserable tournament.

[Loftyando]

I decided to warm up by playing my 1st round on KF tour where I have been struggling big time, I still haven't made the cut in the big boys tour.

I managed a first round score of -9 with 10 birdies, 7 pars and a bogey.