Steppe - Pahute Badlands Golf Club

[Deleted]

Theme: Steppe
Designer: Chuck Gunsaullus
Handle: Violinguy69

Course Name: Pahute Badlands Golf Club

[Violinguy69]

Aw shucks, my own thread.

[Violinguy69]

Here are the first images of the, still unnamed Steppe course.  The waterfall is new, added to accommodate the guidelines of the contest.  It fits very nicely in between 10 and 11 (which I'm totally redesigning).  It is also visable (not in play though) next to the 7th green.  The second image is the driveable par 4 17th.  It's a long way but I'm hoping that it'll play down wind more often than not.  It's a 280+ carry to be safe and about 305 to the green, which is enormous.

[Terry Grayson]

Wait Chuck from the PGA2000 days??

Man I haven't seen your name in forever if this is the same Chuck......

Remember me?

[Violinguy69]

Yep, that's me. I do, Terry. There are a few of us copyright club folks still around. ;

[Violinguy69]

Here's another screen as I am knee deep in planting right now.  It's gonna be tough because of the lack of trees, but I think I'm getting the hang of  it.  Below is the par-3 7th.  It says 139, but that's from the forward tees.

[pablo]

Dec 22, 2017 10:01:29 GMT -5 Violinguy69 said:

Yep, that's me. I do, Terry. There are a few of us copyright club folks still around. ;

I was one of them and I don't remember you man..... I'm getting old

[Violinguy69]

Aren't we all.

[pablo]

That's true Chuck

[Violinguy69]

Here is the (completely redesigned) 11th hole.  I added the 2-tier fairway which has about a 250 carry to the upper tier.  With player clubs into the wind, it might be a tough shot to get it up there.  I accidentally hit 3-wood with tour clubs and barely made it with no wind.  In the image, you see a little of the lower tier, the upper, and the green.  The prior version of this hole was, well, boring and easy.  Can't have that in a fantasy challenge.

[Violinguy69]

Jan 5, 2018 13:34:23 GMT -5 pablo said:

That's true Chuck

Copyright club was a long time ago.  20-ish years now.  Wow.

[Violinguy69]

My course has a name now:

Pahute Badlands Golf Club.

I've formulated quite a backstory which I'll be posting here in the next few days.

[Violinguy69]

The following is a work of fiction.  Any similarities to real people or events are strictly confidential.

Golf reporter Brad Longiran has, through exhaustive research and declassified documents, uncovered the most remote and exclusive golf course in the world. His story is below.

When I first heard about the possibility of a golf course built on the very ground where the United States tested nuclear bombs in the ‘50s and ‘60s, I was both skeptical and intrigued. Admittedly, I have the best job in the world; playing golf at courses no one has ever heard of, then writing about it. I’m like a golf version of Anthony Bourdain. Over the course of seven months, I pieced together this story by talking to golf pros, eavesdropping at country club bars, and using the Freedom of Information Act.

During my travels to the Las Vegas area, I began hearing stories about a so-called Nuclear Country Club. The talk was always hushed and careful, and reminded me of guys talking about bigfoot or Justin Bieber. When I would come across someone talking about the club, he would immediately say he knew nothing about it and dismiss his talk as campfire stories. After several exhausting weeks of denials by anyone I approached, I was finally able to talk to an actual witness.

A former worker at a top-secret facility near the Nevada National Security Site, Taylor St. Cobrah had six fingers on his left hand due to radiation poisoning. The extra digit grew in quickly, like Deadpool’s hand in that movie. Aside from being a highly-regarded nuclear physicist, he was also a hand model for the film A Princess Bride.

According to St. Cobrah, after they shut down the nuclear testing program in the early ‘70s (or late ‘60s – his right ear kind of glows in the dark so who knows how accurate his recollection is), much of the land where the test bombs exploded sat idle for several years. Then, in the late ‘80s, a busybody billionaire with more money than sense and who loved golf (no, not that one) paid off a few people and was able to find out some of the secrets of the Nevada desert the US government was keen on keeping under wraps. In exchange for his silence, the billionaire was allowed to buy several thousand acres near the Pahute Mesa.

The billionaire is an Austrian national named Johannes von Siedhillize. He made his fortune in the ice cream business. After he was abruptly fired by Haagen-Dazs, he gave an upstart ice cream company a giant loan and has reaped the benefits ever since. Unfortunately for him, he has done so from behind the curtain since Ben & Jerry & Johannes doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. Also an avid golfer, he is a 5-time champion of the I Have More Money Than You Open, the championship for billionaires; his claim to fame being, he is the only golfer (aside from Barak Obama) to make Donald Trump cry on his own golf course.

Seidhillize wanted his own version of Pine Valley – a golf course that was equal parts exclusive and beautiful. He already owned six golf courses, but he wanted one that was so exclusive, only a handful of elite (and very rich) people could play there. What better way to keep exclusivity than to have any prospective player sign a comprehensive waiver releasing the club from any liability for radiation sickness or, well, just about every form of cancer.
Building a golf course of that caliber was not easy. The course had to be great, but also had to be unknown. No one could say anything to the press or use the course in any promotional materials. Players would sign a non-disclosure agreement. Employees, the same. For the task of creating his dream golf club, Seidhillize chose a handsome and debonair course architect named Chuck Gunsaullus.

Using the Freedom of Information Act, I was able to obtain zoning and permit applications that indeed had Mr. Gunsaullus’ name on them. The next part was easy. Gunsaullus is not a difficult person to track down. He has built dozens of first-class golf courses all over the world, and has his headquarters at his very first course design, Thor’s Hammer.

After assuring him I wouldn’t be using any Marathon Man techniques to get him to answer my questions, we spoke over the course of a few days. He told me all the details in the course’s construction, including who one needs to orally gratify to play there. He even offered to take me there for a round and, as expected, I had to sign the waiver.

The course is absolutely stunning. It plays at just under 7400 yards from the tips and just under 6000 yards from the forward tees (I’m not allowed to write ‘ladies’ tees anymore). The greens are enormous and you need a Sherpa to get from one side to the other due to the slope. There are several small ponds adorned with waterfalls throughout the course, but I am cautioned in the strongest manner to never, ever, drink or touch that water. I hit a ball into the pond to the left of the 18th fairway and was told to just leave it. It wasn’t worth melting the end of my retriever in that nuclear water.

There are some brick structures here and there around the course, most notably near the clubhouse. Those, I am told, are former observation areas for the nuclear tests that were conducted here. The buildings near the clubhouse are now used for players to stay overnight due to the remoteness of the course. The rooms feature a Geiger counter on the nightstand instead of a clock-radio.

The two of us flew in on a helicopter, which is the only way to get there aside from a monumental car ride of several hours with no gas or food on the way. The expansive clubhouse houses offices, a pro-shop, and a large restaurant/bar. After turning in my waiver at the main desk, I am handed a scorecard, a complimentary sleeve of golf balls, and what looks like Dharma Initiative sunscreen. The sunscreen is a proprietary formula that not only prevents sunburn; it also helps immunize players to radiation.

There are giant beach umbrellas throughout the course along with cold water (drinkable). The temperature at the time I teed off was a mild 102 degrees. Dry heat my ass! The course is tough, but will never host a tournament. Siedhillize and Gunsaullus are fine with that.

Gunsaullus told me I could print my story, but I couldn’t print the actual location of the course or any contact information. People might know about Pahute Badlands Golf Club, but without Duck McScrooge-like money, they would never play it.

[Deleted]

Classic!