Suncoast Classic@Bermuda Park Links
Jan 23, 2021 9:36:00 GMT -5
hemberg, B.Smooth13, and 7 more like this
Post by hmammoth on Jan 23, 2021 9:36:00 GMT -5
Another early intro this week because of rugby this week Munster v A team not worth talking about, even though Munster have not beaten them in years. So this week on the Kinetic, we head to Bermuda, I love Bermuda, some of the wildest schedulers parties have been held in Bermuda but alas for legal reason, no more can be said about that. Bermuda itself is famous for so many things, like errr, Bermuda shorts, oh and the Bermuda triangle( not to be confused with the golden triangle, now that schedulers party is one that everyone would love to remember but for some reason no one can). The Bermuda triangle is one of the worlds greatest phenomenon full of stories of disappearances, mysteries and possible Alien activity but the biggest mystery of all from Bermuda is how the hell B.Smooth13 can ever be considered a course designer, well I am here to answer that question and the answer is money.
It is a little known fact that Justin Smedley is rich and by that I mean filthy reach. You see, Justin's parents are the founders and owners of Smedley's Love Enhancers a range, of lets call them toys for the discerning adult. Like a lot of children from rich backgrounds, Justin was spoiled. Once on a trip to Bermuda with his parents who were looking to add a Caribbean range to their stock, young Justin was bored
"Mummy" Justin whined "I'm bored"
"Why don't you play one of your video games" Mummy replied "Daddy just bought you that no golf game you were after"
"Golf games suck"
" Now Justin, you are 35 years old, you know better to use that sort of language"
"But Mummy, I want to play real golf but this Island has no golf course"
"Why don't you build a golf course, your weekly allowance should cover the cost"
And with that conversion an idea was formed. Justin bought a large tract of land with that weeks allowance, had all the trees knocked down and proudly called his course Bermuda Park Links.
"Mummy, Daddy look at my golf course"
"But Justin, it just looks like one giant fairway"
" Yes Daddy, I wanted wide fairways so I never lose my ball again"
" I understand son, but where is the challenge, where are the bunkers, the hazards, the green complexes."
"hmmm, you have have a point there"
So, Justin went back to the drawing board, bunkers, he thought to himself. I should do bunkers. He then flashed back to when he was younger, back in his mid twenties when he was given a dinosaur stamp and ink. How much fun it was going around the family mansion stamping dinosaurs on everything, the furniture, the paintings, the walls, even the staff. Why could he not do that with his golf course. Still having over half his weekly allowance left, he hired some cranes, designed bunker shaped stamps which he then attached to the cranes and got to work.
"Mummy, Daddy, look at my golf course now, it has bunkers"
"Justin hon, did you flash back to your dinosaur stamp toy, where you stamped things with out consideration, that Rembrandt painting never looked the same,although you did improve the Picasso"
"Yes, Mummy, I went a bit mad"
"So your bunkers are everywhere, a driving distance, in the middle of the fairways, and they are huge in places"
"Yes Mummy"
"Well it's your course I guess,but you still have not greens, just flat pieces of lands surrounded by sand."
"hmmmm, your so smart Mummy, greens should not be flat"
So, Justin went back to the drawing board, greens he thought to himself, I should do greens. He then flashed back to when he was younger, back in his early twenties when he fell down a hill and rolled to the bottom and bumped his head. It was scary, he should make his greens scary. So he hired a bunch of excavators and bulldozers and got to work."
"Mummy, Daddy, look at my golf course now, it has greens"
"Very impressive young man but don't some of those greens seem steep"
"Yes father, they are scary greens, its a added hazard, you could fall down, roll to the bottom and bump your head"
"Ah I see, flashbacks again"
"Yes Father, but I was careful not to fall down, roll to the bottom and bump my head again, so with my remaining weekly allowance. I hired some locals, of all shapes and sizes, had them fall down a hill, roll to the bottom and bump their heads, the more serious the injury, the tougher the green, I called it a slope meter and the locals, slope testers"
"That's very clever son"
"Thank you father, you may have to pay off two families because of fatalities"
"Only two, you really have improved health and safety compared to your motor track building phase. Now son, who in their right mind would play a course like this."
"Have you heard of hmammoth father, he runs the kinetic tour on tgctours. He care less for health and safety than me. Send him some money, a years supply of the For Him range, and we will have a championship golf course."
"Fantastic son, you truly are a Smedley"
Good luck everyone, especially the new member from the promo event. Now how does this prostrate massager work again.
It is a little known fact that Justin Smedley is rich and by that I mean filthy reach. You see, Justin's parents are the founders and owners of Smedley's Love Enhancers a range, of lets call them toys for the discerning adult. Like a lot of children from rich backgrounds, Justin was spoiled. Once on a trip to Bermuda with his parents who were looking to add a Caribbean range to their stock, young Justin was bored
"Mummy" Justin whined "I'm bored"
"Why don't you play one of your video games" Mummy replied "Daddy just bought you that no golf game you were after"
"Golf games suck"
" Now Justin, you are 35 years old, you know better to use that sort of language"
"But Mummy, I want to play real golf but this Island has no golf course"
"Why don't you build a golf course, your weekly allowance should cover the cost"
And with that conversion an idea was formed. Justin bought a large tract of land with that weeks allowance, had all the trees knocked down and proudly called his course Bermuda Park Links.
"Mummy, Daddy look at my golf course"
"But Justin, it just looks like one giant fairway"
" Yes Daddy, I wanted wide fairways so I never lose my ball again"
" I understand son, but where is the challenge, where are the bunkers, the hazards, the green complexes."
"hmmm, you have have a point there"
So, Justin went back to the drawing board, bunkers, he thought to himself. I should do bunkers. He then flashed back to when he was younger, back in his mid twenties when he was given a dinosaur stamp and ink. How much fun it was going around the family mansion stamping dinosaurs on everything, the furniture, the paintings, the walls, even the staff. Why could he not do that with his golf course. Still having over half his weekly allowance left, he hired some cranes, designed bunker shaped stamps which he then attached to the cranes and got to work.
"Mummy, Daddy, look at my golf course now, it has bunkers"
"Justin hon, did you flash back to your dinosaur stamp toy, where you stamped things with out consideration, that Rembrandt painting never looked the same,although you did improve the Picasso"
"Yes, Mummy, I went a bit mad"
"So your bunkers are everywhere, a driving distance, in the middle of the fairways, and they are huge in places"
"Yes Mummy"
"Well it's your course I guess,but you still have not greens, just flat pieces of lands surrounded by sand."
"hmmmm, your so smart Mummy, greens should not be flat"
So, Justin went back to the drawing board, greens he thought to himself, I should do greens. He then flashed back to when he was younger, back in his early twenties when he fell down a hill and rolled to the bottom and bumped his head. It was scary, he should make his greens scary. So he hired a bunch of excavators and bulldozers and got to work."
"Mummy, Daddy, look at my golf course now, it has greens"
"Very impressive young man but don't some of those greens seem steep"
"Yes father, they are scary greens, its a added hazard, you could fall down, roll to the bottom and bump your head"
"Ah I see, flashbacks again"
"Yes Father, but I was careful not to fall down, roll to the bottom and bump my head again, so with my remaining weekly allowance. I hired some locals, of all shapes and sizes, had them fall down a hill, roll to the bottom and bump their heads, the more serious the injury, the tougher the green, I called it a slope meter and the locals, slope testers"
"That's very clever son"
"Thank you father, you may have to pay off two families because of fatalities"
"Only two, you really have improved health and safety compared to your motor track building phase. Now son, who in their right mind would play a course like this."
"Have you heard of hmammoth father, he runs the kinetic tour on tgctours. He care less for health and safety than me. Send him some money, a years supply of the For Him range, and we will have a championship golf course."
"Fantastic son, you truly are a Smedley"
Good luck everyone, especially the new member from the promo event. Now how does this prostrate massager work again.