TPC Colorado Championship@ Pulseczar Vale
Jun 14, 2020 6:09:43 GMT -5
coruler2, Crazy Croc, and 8 more like this
Post by hmammoth on Jun 14, 2020 6:09:43 GMT -5
Last week, I mentioned The Whittled Down Retirement Home for ex schedulers. Once a year, current schedulers are obliged to visit the home, it’s in our contract and there is no getting out of it, believe me I have tried. It’s so damn boring having to listen to these old wrecks talk about what it was like in there day, how they had to schedule courses made out of concrete, how the schedulers mansion in those days had just 75 rooms and four pools, how they only had 8 different designers to choose from and on an on they go, playing the poor mouth, thank good the homes bar is well stocked. There are some light hearted moments though, it’s very easy to upset one of the old codgers, just tell him that you don’t like his choice of shirt, that’s there are thousands of nicer and better shirts to choose from and watch the flashbacks begin, the nervous breakdown happen, quiet entertaining. The real fun though is to get a fan and put it in the centre of the room, whisper to one, that you want the settings on high. Take another fogey to the side and whisper that the conditions are wrong, that it should be set to medium, then sit back and watch the chaos begin. If real lucky, it will even come to blows, in one corner you will have one with a Zimmer frame, his movements are slow but high defensive abilities with a strong power attack. In the other corner you will have one duel wielding walking sticks, agile, good speed attacks but defensively week. It just about makes the visit worthwhile.
Anyway, I was sitting down watching the fights when I saw this decrepit old man walking towards me. It took him about 5 minutes to cross the room but he was doing it under his own power, no walking sticks, Zimmer frames, wheel chairs, it was pretty impressive. I was thinking that him versus two less mobile ex schedulers could be the highlight of the day. He finally reached and said “ Hello Dan”. Now this was interesting, he knew my name, there were still signs of intelligence, he may have looked feeble, week and broken but there were some interesting possible match ups. “It’s coruler2” “Jesus Christ” I said as I stared at the whitered line marked face “Dale, what the hell happened to you”. “PGA” he replied. I just nodded, no further explanation was need. He sat down across from me and started on about being glad he was out and blah,blah,blah. I had switched off, there is only so much ex scheduler waffle I can take but then in the background I heard Ronan O Gara. I asked Dale to repeat himself( a first for me, asking to hear something one of these guys had said). He said he felt he should have been allowed one final course, a goodbye event after years of service, that he felt like Ronan O Gara not getting that final game for Ireland. “ Yes” I shouted as I slammed down my drink, also causing the duel wielder to glance over, leaving himself open for a Zimmer frame smash to the side of his head, we had a winner. Dale continued, “that would never have happened if Ronan was from from Dublin, it was just anti Cork bias, I bet it won’t happen to Johnny Sexton when it’s his time to retire but of course, where is he from?” “Dublin” I whispered and dale nodded. I could not allow this to happen. “Dale, you pick a course, you pick the settings,you schedule a course and I will put it on The Korn Ferry”. The tears were freely flowing, it was a special moment, a tender moment between to old and broken down and the young and handsome. Dale asked could I put it in writing, that he did not trust the admins, the admins are the sort of people that would take a event that was worked on for weeks, and just move it to the US open qualifiers, and that they might try something similar with his choice unless it was in a iron tight legal contract. I understood where he was coming from, as luck would have it, Dale just happened to have such a contact with him, one which I happily signed. I left the home that day feeling good.
A couple of weeks later I was at the schedulers mansion, counting the rooms and pools, wondering to myself how did those old schedulers live in such squalor, just 8 pools, imagine the shame. There was a phone call from a very excited Dale, he had found a course called Pulseczar Vale. I asked him had he done the conditions and settings. He just laughed, “setttings, screw the settings, do you think I want to listen to a bunch of moaning and complaining from the players. I just wanted my latest course on tour. You can take the settings and shove them up your ass”. He then hung up. I had been hustled, he had no interest in Munster and Irish rugby, it was all a con job to get his course on tour. I @!$#ing hate designers. It’s not over thought, i will be visiting the home again next year and I think a battle royale might be in order and guess who will be first in the arena, coruler2, you have screwed with the wrong scheduler.
Anyway, I was sitting down watching the fights when I saw this decrepit old man walking towards me. It took him about 5 minutes to cross the room but he was doing it under his own power, no walking sticks, Zimmer frames, wheel chairs, it was pretty impressive. I was thinking that him versus two less mobile ex schedulers could be the highlight of the day. He finally reached and said “ Hello Dan”. Now this was interesting, he knew my name, there were still signs of intelligence, he may have looked feeble, week and broken but there were some interesting possible match ups. “It’s coruler2” “Jesus Christ” I said as I stared at the whitered line marked face “Dale, what the hell happened to you”. “PGA” he replied. I just nodded, no further explanation was need. He sat down across from me and started on about being glad he was out and blah,blah,blah. I had switched off, there is only so much ex scheduler waffle I can take but then in the background I heard Ronan O Gara. I asked Dale to repeat himself( a first for me, asking to hear something one of these guys had said). He said he felt he should have been allowed one final course, a goodbye event after years of service, that he felt like Ronan O Gara not getting that final game for Ireland. “ Yes” I shouted as I slammed down my drink, also causing the duel wielder to glance over, leaving himself open for a Zimmer frame smash to the side of his head, we had a winner. Dale continued, “that would never have happened if Ronan was from from Dublin, it was just anti Cork bias, I bet it won’t happen to Johnny Sexton when it’s his time to retire but of course, where is he from?” “Dublin” I whispered and dale nodded. I could not allow this to happen. “Dale, you pick a course, you pick the settings,you schedule a course and I will put it on The Korn Ferry”. The tears were freely flowing, it was a special moment, a tender moment between to old and broken down and the young and handsome. Dale asked could I put it in writing, that he did not trust the admins, the admins are the sort of people that would take a event that was worked on for weeks, and just move it to the US open qualifiers, and that they might try something similar with his choice unless it was in a iron tight legal contract. I understood where he was coming from, as luck would have it, Dale just happened to have such a contact with him, one which I happily signed. I left the home that day feeling good.
A couple of weeks later I was at the schedulers mansion, counting the rooms and pools, wondering to myself how did those old schedulers live in such squalor, just 8 pools, imagine the shame. There was a phone call from a very excited Dale, he had found a course called Pulseczar Vale. I asked him had he done the conditions and settings. He just laughed, “setttings, screw the settings, do you think I want to listen to a bunch of moaning and complaining from the players. I just wanted my latest course on tour. You can take the settings and shove them up your ass”. He then hung up. I had been hustled, he had no interest in Munster and Irish rugby, it was all a con job to get his course on tour. I @!$#ing hate designers. It’s not over thought, i will be visiting the home again next year and I think a battle royale might be in order and guess who will be first in the arena, coruler2, you have screwed with the wrong scheduler.