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Post by SkyBlueBen on Jun 15, 2020 11:34:19 GMT -5
Hey, did anyone get fast tracked for promotion this week? Not as far as I know. Seen nothing to suggest it.
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Post by IGolfBad on Jun 15, 2020 11:35:58 GMT -5
Coming out of a ridiculous 60+ hour on-call weekend for the pharmacy, I am FINALLY presenting the...
Dirtbags Season 8 Week 2 Recap (aka According to Ashton, Time is a Flat Circle, and every day is Tuesday. Even Saturday.)
Sorry, Ashton - nothing personal, and you won't be the only one I poke fun at. But you will be the one who gets poked the most. Because I'm a joker, I'm a bloker, I'm a midnight poker. And I guess I always will.
Week 2 takes us to the George Jefferson designed Sherman Hemsley Golf Links. Louise approves.
As usual, presented in order of interesting team matches, starting with the "feel free to skip this one, as I most certainly will.
Insanity on the Greens 22 over Actually the Best Team Name in the Group, Which Makes This Even Harder to Report 2
Not even the notoriously unstoppable Johnny Bollocks evilgrin72 can stop the bleeding for the Stunts. I really have nothing to say except get your s**t together, Cupids! On the other hand, Madness are little more than a bunch of sniveling bullies, who are so mean, they made the Stunts walk the course and carry their bags all four days, while the Putters rode in luxurious plush carts made by Mercedes-Benz, all the while sipping the finest scotch and playing wearing velvet golf gloves.
Come to think of it, The Mad Putters are the victims here, having to suffer through a long life of privilege and coziness, rendering them void of sympathy and compassion for the less fortunate, and not to belabor a point (but I must), there are none less fortunate that the Runts.
I'm getting the stare from Greg, so I'll stop adding fuel to the dumpster fire that is Team Cupid. For now. In the meantime, we have another unfortunately lopsided tilt.
Petey's Pie-Eyed Boys 18 over The Nathan Hale Operators (I Regret that I Have but One Ass To Risk [asterisk... get it?]) 6
Before diving into this hard pass, I want to announce a new society hashtag, not to replace but rather to augment the use of the classic #BlamePablo. Introducing...
#PokeAshton
Use it early, often, and in good health.
Anyway, this one was also over at the turn, with the Pitchers holding a 6-2 lead after doubles, and the third round proving to be no different. The Kooperz* Kevin E up mup kupen nup provided the lone 3rd round points for his team, taking a tight one against Old Greg @honeybadger72 (overheard at the Admins roundtable: "Maybe I'll deal with it the way I deal with Curly Jefferson") by 3 strokes. But the rest of the Killer Klownz* were a no show, as Kevin E also took his team's only win in the fourth round, this time over Chuck Violinguy69, who showed infinitely more sportsmanship than the entire collective known as the Putters. You know who you are.
On the flip side, I think we are in in agreement that Week 3's matchup between Kooplapoopz* and Stunted Cupids will be must see television. If nothing else, we can always #PokeAshton.
Speaking of poking Ashton...
Kato Kaelins 14 over Help Us, We're Drowning Over Here 10
Continuing our quest to beat a tired trope, Frans' fransslabak water boys found themselves actually ahead following doubles play, which was highlighted by Asthon Ashton Fox being continually asked by the course ranger to speed things up a bit. "But I have 7 days to finish! And it's only Wednesday!" The ranger was not impressed. "No yer don't. 3 days tops, and it's Saturday. Move it along, boy-o, or we'll remove you from the course verily". Naturally, the ranger's unusual change in tone and presentation puzzled Ashton, and all hopes of a full house were dashed after round 1. Leading 6-2 after the doubles, the Watery Tarts went into full cruise control mode, dropping 3 of 4 in round 3, bringing things square at 8 per side, as Frans was the only Tart who seemed at all engaged. In fact, by the time his crew made it to the start of the 4th round, it was already Saturday, with only a couple hours before the deadline. Mark with an L IGolfBad, Kevin D cephyn, and Jeff hoosierhoops24 all stumbled to unremarkable finishes, which left Ashton having the last laugh, and his team with a victory firmly in hand (insert your favorite masturbation joke here, and don't forget to #PokeAshton)
Finally, our match of the week
Stinky IPAs 12 and One-and-donegasms 12
We join the Gasms as they continue on their quest to be the very first team in Dirtbags history to achieve an unprecendented 0-0-7 record, and the Beer Steins were more than happy to oblige. Things looked bleak for the Comers after doubles, sporting a shocking 6-2 lead, and their chances for a second tie in a row starting to fade. Tensions were high entering the third round, as Gasms captain Leon @lofyando rallied his troops in the clubhouse. "Gang, we need to figure out how to tighten up the score without making it look like we are throwing the matches. Now, I play Simon SAM, so there isn't any feasible way for me to tank my round, because that would be obvious if I lost to him, so I have to accept the victory... I'm terribly sorry. Pablo pablo, you play Les lessangster and you're pretty bad, so we have that in our favor. Bill billybudd0623, you drew Ernie, and you're also kinda crappy #BlamePablo #PokeAshton, so we should be good there a well. Carol inflames47, you get to play your boy Wart Vanderlay Art Vandelay, whom everyone in the society knows you have a soft spot in your heart for, so allowing him to win out of pity will not raise any suspicions. With that, I believe we have an optimal plan to regain the tie, and keep our dream alive." And so it was, as the teams stood locked up at 8 apiece after 3 rounds.
By the 4th round, Arts Pour Boys caught wind of the Gasms' efforts and agreed that friendship is magic, coordinating with Leon to enact an even split, securing the tie for Leon's now quite spent climaxers. Looking ahead to Week 3, we can only hope the sportsmanship-void Completely Mads will find a way not to overrun the Twogasms and allow them to continue to realize their dreams. Try to make it so, Katana Mike katana22. You know what you have to do.
Week 2 full houses go to Sam Riotous, Frans fransslabak, THREE members of Madness, Mike G katana22, Marc with a C Crazy Croc, and Hunter Hunter B, as well as a very surprising Pete bogeyman, though it is widely believed that Sam @notsimon ghost-played Pete's rounds for him, those crazy Aussies...
Be sure to watch this space for a very special round-by-round of the Catcherman Cup's Week 3 matchup of myself and Mr. Vanderlay, Dirtbags' most heated rivalry, in what can only be considered the crime...errrr... match of the century:
BLUNDERDOME Two dolts enter Two dolts leave
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Post by IGolfBad on Jun 15, 2020 11:36:36 GMT -5
Hey, did anyone get fast tracked for promotion this week? Nope. Nothing to see here. Nothing at all.
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Post by fransslabak on Jun 15, 2020 14:05:17 GMT -5
Here are all of my rounds for the week: That felt weird! I know some people will despise me for saying this but I feel like I left a lot of shots out there... 😂😂😂😂 That last round included a bogey..... 😂😂😂😂 Anyway, I’ll take it, I guess. Maybe for once I have set Ernie a target (in round 4) that he cannot master; then again, he probably will. Hope to have helped Tolle guttis to some points this week! Best wishes Frans
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Post by fransslabak on Jun 15, 2020 14:55:38 GMT -5
Two rounds down this week guys didn’t hit the hall well at all to be honest managed to scratch out a -10 in round one then the course bit back in round 2 with a -5 Art Vandelay I’ve left you a bit to do Art my game tee to green just wasn’t their first two rounds. Think you might have missed these two scores, Greg
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Post by sandsaver01 on Jun 15, 2020 16:11:57 GMT -5
This game has taken the heart right out of me. I no longer care much how I do, and will not practice anymore - it is going to be grip-it-and-rip-it from now on. Sorry team, but it is what it is.
Round 1 at -7, round 2 at -3
I am going to continue on this way until I reach equilibrium, which I suspect is somewhere around CC-G.
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Post by Art Vandelay on Jun 15, 2020 16:36:06 GMT -5
This game has taken the heart right out of me. I no longer care much how I do, and will not practice anymore - it is going to be grip-it-and-rip-it from now on. Sorry team, but it is what it is. Round 1 at -7, round 2 at -3
I am going to continue on this way until I reach equilibrium, which I suspect is somewhere around CC-G. Sorry to hear you are going through this rough patch Mike, maybe some speed golf is what you need to get your rhythm back. But keep designing, you are rock solid at that!
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Post by sandsaver01 on Jun 15, 2020 17:41:48 GMT -5
This game has taken the heart right out of me. I no longer care much how I do, and will not practice anymore - it is going to be grip-it-and-rip-it from now on. Sorry team, but it is what it is. Round 1 at -7, round 2 at -3
I am going to continue on this way until I reach equilibrium, which I suspect is somewhere around CC-G. Sorry to hear you are going through this rough patch Mike, maybe some speed golf is what you need to get your rhythm back. But keep designing, you are rock solid at that! Not really enjoying designing so much anymore either Art. I am in the middle of a Lidar build of my former home course in Indiana and when I finish that we shall see. Things may change with 2K21 who knows. I still enjoy playing the game, but I am what I am as far as ability so trying to improve is just frustrating to me.
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Post by sid snott on Jun 15, 2020 17:52:53 GMT -5
Rd 1 +1 Rd 2 -3 Thought that I would try the Pro clubs for the first time in over a year and half. Not a lot of difference, still a lot of slow down swings. Will see how it pans out by the end of the week, but more than likely will go back to masters. Heading for a straight hat trick of blobs Got to call IGolfBad out for saying that I'm pathetic, think the words you were looking for were f**king pathetic seeing as I've gone the other way to G and this week isn't looking a lot better as I continue to join in with the mass exodus to Z
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Post by evilgrin72 on Jun 15, 2020 17:58:51 GMT -5
Round 1 : -12. Could have been lower - a lot lower in fact. I played pretty poorly, but made a few putts and got a few breaks. Couple of narrowly missed eagles kept me from going lower. Conditions were prime and the course was gettable. Tough to lament a -12 too hard, but the reality is that I should have done better.
Crappy play carried into round 2, only the breaks also stopped. Luck went from pretty good to totally awful. I think I'm at -2 through 9 and turned the game off. I'll pick it back up later tonight and hope to turn things around, so don't record a round 2 score for me yet, Greg.
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Post by Hunter B on Jun 15, 2020 20:23:22 GMT -5
Rd 1: 61 (-11)
Played the front at -7, but struggled a bit on the back.
Rd 2: 68 (-4)
Worst round I've had in a while. 4 bogeys on the card, hit every possible runoff on the greens.
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Post by IGolfBad on Jun 15, 2020 20:30:41 GMT -5
Rd 1 +1 Rd 2 -3 Thought that I would try the Pro clubs for the first time in over a year and half. Not a lot of difference, still a lot of slow down swings. Will see how it pans out by the end of the week, but more than likely will go back to masters. Heading for a straight hat trick of blobs Got to call IGolfBad out for saying that I'm pathetic, think the words you were looking for were f**king pathetic seeing as I've gone the other way to G and this week isn't looking a lot better as I continue to join in with the mass exodus to Z Don’t be so hard on yourself, Paul. You’re a tremendous slouch!
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Post by Art Vandelay on Jun 15, 2020 20:32:35 GMT -5
Rd 1 +1 Rd 2 -3 Thought that I would try the Pro clubs for the first time in over a year and half. Not a lot of difference, still a lot of slow down swings. Will see how it pans out by the end of the week, but more than likely will go back to masters. Heading for a straight hat trick of blobs Got to call IGolfBad out for saying that I'm pathetic, think the words you were looking for were f**king pathetic seeing as I've gone the other way to G and this week isn't looking a lot better as I continue to join in with the mass exodus to Z Don’t be so hard on yourself, Paul. You’re a tremendous slouch! A f**cking tremendous slouch! We bow to your f**cking slouchiness. You'll get it back Paul.
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Post by IGolfBad on Jun 15, 2020 20:42:23 GMT -5
Don’t be so hard on yourself, Paul. You’re a tremendous slouch! A f**cking tremendous slouch! We bow to your f**cking slouchiness. You'll get it back Paul. F**k yeah, Paul! You f**king got this, bro!!
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Post by evilgrin72 on Jun 15, 2020 21:22:33 GMT -5
Got my swing back on the back 9, but it was too little, too late. I hate the 14th hole, bogey there killed me, followed by a 3 putt par on 15. Finished at -7 for R2.
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